Fortune Cookies
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Thirteenth Chapter"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
16 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I think you should read your story aloud and listen to the words. You have many sentences that don't quite make sense. The second sentence sounds like you have deleted something that would make a third sentence. As you read, try to visualize the action going on. Consider this sentence. In his motionless but conscious state he knows he is being observed and then the feet begin moving toward him. Tight writing is better than unnecessary words. I see you have potential as a writer, I hope I haven't hurt your feelings. Of course, you have the right to ignore what I suggest.
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I think you should read your story aloud and listen to the words. You have many sentences that don't quite make sense. The second sentence sounds like you have deleted something that would make a third sentence. As you read, try to visualize the action going on. Consider this sentence. In his motionless but conscious state he knows he is being observed and then the feet begin moving toward him. Tight writing is better than unnecessary words. I see you have potential as a writer, I hope I haven't hurt your feelings. Of course, you have the right to ignore what I suggest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2023
Comment from Michelle D. Carr
Very interesting. I am especially drawn to the references to things that are retro like the cassettes and the music. Other ages can relate to it. Another good chapter. Thank you.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2023
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Very interesting. I am especially drawn to the references to things that are retro like the cassettes and the music. Other ages can relate to it. Another good chapter. Thank you.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2023
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I appreciate your supportive insight and notable aspects of appeal. Thank you for the helpful review. This is very helpful for me in reaching my goals.
Comment from the13thpoet
A marvelous Monday to you Cybertron1986. I enjoyed reading your story, thanks for sharing. I wasn't going to read this because I didn't start from the beginning, but being the13thpoet, the chapter seemed to call to me. I'm glad I decided to read it, it was very engaging. Good work.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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A marvelous Monday to you Cybertron1986. I enjoyed reading your story, thanks for sharing. I wasn't going to read this because I didn't start from the beginning, but being the13thpoet, the chapter seemed to call to me. I'm glad I decided to read it, it was very engaging. Good work.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
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How awesome! I love that user name. You must have some very interesting works. I?ll check them out! Thank you for your review and generous rating. Very much appreciated!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
For Eu El, these changes seem like a continuous, chaotic break within the fabric of his universe. (This describes most of my life. I'm on a roller coaster and would really like to get off. Best wishes with your book, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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For Eu El, these changes seem like a continuous, chaotic break within the fabric of his universe. (This describes most of my life. I'm on a roller coaster and would really like to get off. Best wishes with your book, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 27-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Thank you :) I agree. Life has many different levels of experiences, but we are all in for a ride of our lives.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
Captivating. Is this the thirteenth chapter of the book? I should read them in order. I'm sure the chapter I read earlier occurs after this one, it would help to see them in order. So Spider Man could have been his alter ego instead of one of the transformers.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Captivating. Is this the thirteenth chapter of the book? I should read them in order. I'm sure the chapter I read earlier occurs after this one, it would help to see them in order. So Spider Man could have been his alter ego instead of one of the transformers.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
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Yes. This is chapter 13. I?ve completed 22 chapters up to this point. If you click on my profile, the entirety of the book is available for your pleasure. And, yes, I do recommend starting from chapter one. Thank you! Your words of encouragement are very motivating for me. Thank you and I hope to hear from you again!
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, I'm still captivated by this story and how he feels apart from everybody else. Well, he is apart. I hope so dialogue will take place to make it all come alive. Looking forward to what's next. All best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
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Hi there, I'm still captivated by this story and how he feels apart from everybody else. Well, he is apart. I hope so dialogue will take place to make it all come alive. Looking forward to what's next. All best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 26-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
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Thank you! What an encouraging review to wake up to. I?m very appreciative of your generous rating and time to comment. Thank you again!
Comment from JLR
An eerie completely engaging chapter. Great word usage creates the perfect vision of your storyline. The crafted character and stirrings if the not normal fall into place. Good success.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2019
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An eerie completely engaging chapter. Great word usage creates the perfect vision of your storyline. The crafted character and stirrings if the not normal fall into place. Good success.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2019
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Thank you! I appreciate your words of encouragement. I hope to hear more of your comments in other chapters. Thank you again!
Comment from beizanten
A very enticing past chapter summary. A well written opening paragraph. the story is chilling, great and engaging. the ending was great and intriguing enough to make people want to read next chapter
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2019
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A very enticing past chapter summary. A well written opening paragraph. the story is chilling, great and engaging. the ending was great and intriguing enough to make people want to read next chapter
Comment Written 25-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2019
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Thank you! Your encouraging rating and comments are very inspiring. Other chapters are currently on promotion. Thank you again!
Comment from Dean Kuch
It sounded as if the apparition Eu El was witnessing just a breath away from his bed had a severe incontinence problem to me. Needless to say, I wouldn't want the thing drifting over me either.
I realize I entered the game late and I apologize for doing so. I normally don't jump into a story that's ongoing unless I have read the other chapters in subsequent order.
But I was intrigued by the picture you used and the supernatural topic.
Eu El sounds like your typical "weird guy"--always on the outside looking in-- which all stories seem to have in one form or another.
The writing is good, however, and entertaining.
Keep up the excellent work.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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It sounded as if the apparition Eu El was witnessing just a breath away from his bed had a severe incontinence problem to me. Needless to say, I wouldn't want the thing drifting over me either.
I realize I entered the game late and I apologize for doing so. I normally don't jump into a story that's ongoing unless I have read the other chapters in subsequent order.
But I was intrigued by the picture you used and the supernatural topic.
Eu El sounds like your typical "weird guy"--always on the outside looking in-- which all stories seem to have in one form or another.
The writing is good, however, and entertaining.
Keep up the excellent work.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Wow! Very honored to have received your stars and comment! I?m genuinely flattered to have your review and time. Any suggestions on moving forward to this story? Thank you!
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Wow! Very honored to have received your stars and comment! I?m genuinely flattered to have your review and time. Any suggestions on moving forward to this story? Thank you!
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Yeah, my suggestion would be to just start writing and let the characters take you where they want you to go.
It works for me.
You're very welcome. 8)
Comment from kiwijenny
One, he knows someone is observing him lying down helplessly.
Lastly, the feet are gliding closer..
toward him.
I liked the last better than the first...rather than tell us about his convictions show us interaction with neighbors rather than tell us.
Loved the ending...chillingly good
God bless
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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One, he knows someone is observing him lying down helplessly.
Lastly, the feet are gliding closer..
toward him.
I liked the last better than the first...rather than tell us about his convictions show us interaction with neighbors rather than tell us.
Loved the ending...chillingly good
God bless
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Thank you. The stars made my day. I?ll do my best. I just write what comes to mind.
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Thank you. The stars made my day. I?ll do my best. I just write what comes to mind.