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Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "The Color of Tears"Free verse poems
23 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a very well-written free verse, my friend. My favorite lines are:
great slabs of ice lay tumbled together;
stacked and askew,
but clean-edged as if sliced by
a careful god.
Excellent work, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018
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This is a very well-written free verse, my friend. My favorite lines are:
great slabs of ice lay tumbled together;
stacked and askew,
but clean-edged as if sliced by
a careful god.
Excellent work, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 19-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018
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Thanks so much, Debbie!
Carol
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice painting, Carol,
thanks for the note about it.
-A very well penned poem
about this winter day.
-The imagery and description
creates a vivid word picture:
"great slabs of ice lay tumbled together"
-You also tell a story of a journey
and speak of losing your way as
you bring the poem and the journey
to a close; even the colors can
only bring tears.
-Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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-Very nice painting, Carol,
thanks for the note about it.
-A very well penned poem
about this winter day.
-The imagery and description
creates a vivid word picture:
"great slabs of ice lay tumbled together"
-You also tell a story of a journey
and speak of losing your way as
you bring the poem and the journey
to a close; even the colors can
only bring tears.
-Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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Isn't the painting beautiful? It looks just like the place in winter. I'm trying to learn how to put multiple layers of meaning/ stories in my poems, I'm glad you felt that. THank you!!
Carol
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Yes, the painting is beautiful. I am glad you liked my comments. I wasn't quite sure what to put at the end, but I didn't want to make any assumptions, and your poetic words are better, anyway! A beautiful poem, Carol.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Carol,
The world outside of ourselves continues on through its contrasting seasons.
It is merely our perception that changes, as our personal world shifts.
You expressed the beauty of that ungentle, perhaps indifferent world.
It is a lonely task that is a part of everything.
Beautifully written. Wish I had a six left, my friend.
Sunshine.
Robert
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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Hello Carol,
The world outside of ourselves continues on through its contrasting seasons.
It is merely our perception that changes, as our personal world shifts.
You expressed the beauty of that ungentle, perhaps indifferent world.
It is a lonely task that is a part of everything.
Beautifully written. Wish I had a six left, my friend.
Sunshine.
Robert
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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Hi Robert, thank you for this review, I find myself dreaming of icy, snowy cold climes when it's hot outside. I really should probably live in Iceland, or northern Canada instead of Southern California ;)
I appreciate the virtual six. There is THE big open mike poetry meeting in Malibu this Sunday and I'm thinking of reading this one...
Sunshine back to you!
Carol
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Perhaps I should have sent snow, instead of sunshine.
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Ha ha, yes!! But it's the thought that counts :))
Comment from humpwhistle
Poignant, and accurate. I especially liked the part where you wondered if you'd lost your way. I know the feeling. Caring for a loved one afflicted with Alzheimer's sometimes makes us question our own grasp on reality. I wrote several story/essays while my mother grew farther and farther away.
You have a strong command of language and imagery. The winter landscape is so appropriate.
Well done.
Peace, Lee
into perfect stillness.--does this require a question mark?
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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Poignant, and accurate. I especially liked the part where you wondered if you'd lost your way. I know the feeling. Caring for a loved one afflicted with Alzheimer's sometimes makes us question our own grasp on reality. I wrote several story/essays while my mother grew farther and farther away.
You have a strong command of language and imagery. The winter landscape is so appropriate.
Well done.
Peace, Lee
into perfect stillness.--does this require a question mark?
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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Did you find yourself sometimes utterly emotionless sometimes, going through things with your mom? I have times when I feel nothing, except I have a bad stomach ache or some other weird affliction. When did you go through this with your mother? I'm sorry that you had to go through this too, it is so common...
I agree that the winter landscape is right. When we moved her away from Montana to southern California to be near me, it was springtime and everything was just going nuts growing - it felt so wrong! It should have been cold, raining, grey... I wrote one about that too awhile ago (sigh)
Thanks so much for taking a look...
Carol
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The worst years were from 2007 to 2011--when she passed. Yes, I became numb inside, but tried to maintain rosy façade. I don't read those essays any more, but if it would help, try Day 1566 in my portfolio. It goes back to 2011, I think, so it might be hard to find. Hang tough. L
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I will see what I can find, thanks.
Comment from Quantum Traveler
Well Carol I know this Creek very well having lived in Montana for eleven years it reminds me on the winter of 1978-1979 one of the worst winters in Montana history when they had to dynamite the Missouri River to keep the ice from lifting up the bridges.
This is a brilliantly penned in-depth portrait of ones beautiful exterior that shields the tormenting flow of a dark abyss that lies beneath the beauty of creation.
An Excellent writing with such a great depth of character.
Very Well Portrayed...Q.T...Phil.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Well Carol I know this Creek very well having lived in Montana for eleven years it reminds me on the winter of 1978-1979 one of the worst winters in Montana history when they had to dynamite the Missouri River to keep the ice from lifting up the bridges.
This is a brilliantly penned in-depth portrait of ones beautiful exterior that shields the tormenting flow of a dark abyss that lies beneath the beauty of creation.
An Excellent writing with such a great depth of character.
Very Well Portrayed...Q.T...Phil.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Oh wow, you know the area!! My mom lived at the upper end of Greenough Park, just down from the bridge. If you left her house and turned left just past the bridge, that's where the big ice slabs were. Amazing! Thank you so much for the great review, and I did not know they had to dynamite the river - I was 15 at the time and didn't pay attention to the news. How great to connect with another Montanan. Thank you :))
Carol
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There's a story behind those ice slabs and that winter as the temperature never rose above zero degrees for about five months and the snow and ice just kept piling up.
I'll have to tell you a funny story during that time.
Again I have to say "The Color of Tears" is a Beautifully penned Writing using a cohesion of an external object to tell a story of internal complexities.
Well Done Carol...Q.T...Phil.
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Please do tell me the story!! I want to hear it.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carole, it's so good to see you posting and then with this beautiful free verse. You paint such a wonderful winter picture with your words. I loved it. I was there. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Hi Carole, it's so good to see you posting and then with this beautiful free verse. You paint such a wonderful winter picture with your words. I loved it. I was there. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 14-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Thanks so much, Ulla :))
Carol
Comment from Gloria ....
A sensory filled opening stanza, Carol. I can feel the cool snow, smell it, see it and hear it too. That is the power of your fine free verse.
And next enters the other person who could be the poet, or another, but the gait is faltering as your verse also alludes to summer time.
I very much enjoy the sense of the two separate realities, one beneath the surface and one above.
Exceptional free verse, Carol and a poem that asks to be read time and again to appreciate all the nuance.
Superb and many thanks for sharing.
Gloria
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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A sensory filled opening stanza, Carol. I can feel the cool snow, smell it, see it and hear it too. That is the power of your fine free verse.
And next enters the other person who could be the poet, or another, but the gait is faltering as your verse also alludes to summer time.
I very much enjoy the sense of the two separate realities, one beneath the surface and one above.
Exceptional free verse, Carol and a poem that asks to be read time and again to appreciate all the nuance.
Superb and many thanks for sharing.
Gloria
Comment Written 14-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Hi Gloria, I don't know why that memory came into my head, I suppose because it's so hot here and then I dream about a place that has real winter. I couldn't get the thought of those ice slabs out of my head, nor what was going on in our lives at the time (taking care of my mother, who has Alzheimers)
Thanks so much :))
Carol
Comment from Mastery
My goodness, Carol, you have been away for some time now, haven't you? I miss you, your friendship and especially your writing. I hope you will stick around for a while.
"Beneath the stillness of
snow and ice
something dark flows, always,
these days.
I wonder if I've lost my way;
lost my sight;
something essential
misplaced beneath the drifts..."
Can you please explain the last stanza to me, my friend? Bob
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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My goodness, Carol, you have been away for some time now, haven't you? I miss you, your friendship and especially your writing. I hope you will stick around for a while.
"Beneath the stillness of
snow and ice
something dark flows, always,
these days.
I wonder if I've lost my way;
lost my sight;
something essential
misplaced beneath the drifts..."
Can you please explain the last stanza to me, my friend? Bob
Comment Written 14-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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I have been away, then back, then away again. Life gets so busy - and we were in Europe for almost 3 weeks :))
So, what I meant by that stanza was this. I've been helping my mother with Alzheimers, she used to live in Montana just a few steps away from where I found the ice slabs. Sometimes I feel so emotionless, like I should be so upset, but I feel nothing - and I wonder what's wrong with me, if I lost the ability to feel. But eventually something triggers and then I'm so upset and I can hardly bear it...
I need to catch up on your book!! Nice to hear from you.
Carol
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So good to see you back, Carol. Bless you and take care. catxch up when you can. there is no hurry. Bob
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem shows the beauty and hope of spring coming but then hidden away again. It also uses the thawing and refreeze as the changing of her emotional
state.
Keep writing
dragopoet
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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This poem shows the beauty and hope of spring coming but then hidden away again. It also uses the thawing and refreeze as the changing of her emotional
state.
Keep writing
dragopoet
Comment Written 14-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Yes, thank you, the changing of emotion or feeling nothing and then everything boils up...
Carol
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Any time, Carol.
Joan
Comment from Mark Valentine
It seems to me that there is more personal meaning in this one than the reader will be able to digest. I'll assume that the "she" in the poem is your mother?
At any rate, it is a beautiful poem with imagery that anyone can relate to. "Beneath the stillness of snow and ice something dark flows, always, these days." I think we all know that darkness and we all wait for color to reappear.
What I read into your poem, and what strikes me most about it, is the end, where the colors reappear, but it's not the same as before - that year is gone - and thus the colors of a new spring are "the color of tears".
It's the kind of profound, beautiful, meaning-laden poem that I can envision college students discussing in a class.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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It seems to me that there is more personal meaning in this one than the reader will be able to digest. I'll assume that the "she" in the poem is your mother?
At any rate, it is a beautiful poem with imagery that anyone can relate to. "Beneath the stillness of snow and ice something dark flows, always, these days." I think we all know that darkness and we all wait for color to reappear.
What I read into your poem, and what strikes me most about it, is the end, where the colors reappear, but it's not the same as before - that year is gone - and thus the colors of a new spring are "the color of tears".
It's the kind of profound, beautiful, meaning-laden poem that I can envision college students discussing in a class.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2018
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Yes, it's about my mother, and about me too. I wish you could have seen those slabs, they were so smooth on the top and bottom, with clean edges. I couldn't get over it! Then I tried to climb over them, and they were as slick as sh__ so I fell on them, lol. Anyway, there's tons of personal meaning in here and I don't know if that's right or wrong - but I hope people can relate on some level. We've all dealt with hardship in one way or another.
Thanks for yet another wonderful review :)))
Carol