Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Double Jeopardy"All chapters
9 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
While waiting for the bank personnel to arrive, Brennan used the time to bring patrolmen Cipriotti and Grandea up to date on the robbery and shooting details, with the aid of Ronald's taped statement. When they had finished, both patrolmen asked a question, in unison, "Where's the bag of money?"
Detective Brennan and detective Doherty looked at each other, thought for a few seconds and replied in unison, "We don't know."...wow, this is quite thrilling and an exceptional piece of writing. Well done this is fantastic I wanted to keep reading you have done an excellent job kindest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
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While waiting for the bank personnel to arrive, Brennan used the time to bring patrolmen Cipriotti and Grandea up to date on the robbery and shooting details, with the aid of Ronald's taped statement. When they had finished, both patrolmen asked a question, in unison, "Where's the bag of money?"
Detective Brennan and detective Doherty looked at each other, thought for a few seconds and replied in unison, "We don't know."...wow, this is quite thrilling and an exceptional piece of writing. Well done this is fantastic I wanted to keep reading you have done an excellent job kindest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 23-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
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Wow! Your review is quite thrilling to me. Thanks for the compliments and all the positive things you said about Chapter 16.
Thank you, Meia, very much.
Marv
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, not having read back chapters, it is impossible to comment on the plot arc, etc, but this read very well, and I assumed the bad spelling in dialogue was the accent of the character. Interesting read with good dialogue and characters that are easy to visualize. I noticed no errors and thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
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Hello, not having read back chapters, it is impossible to comment on the plot arc, etc, but this read very well, and I assumed the bad spelling in dialogue was the accent of the character. Interesting read with good dialogue and characters that are easy to visualize. I noticed no errors and thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Ana, for your review of chapter 16.
Thank you for the compliments.
I hope readers buy into the way I wrote the money situation.
Thanks again.
Marv
Comment from poetwatch
Good mystery as for the missing money, a good who dunne it. You could separate the two conversations from Sterling and (Chico?) -Trying to shield his eyes from the light, Sterling replied, "What are you talking about? You're in this too."
"I was by dee door, checking on dee coast."- Good read thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
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Good mystery as for the missing money, a good who dunne it. You could separate the two conversations from Sterling and (Chico?) -Trying to shield his eyes from the light, Sterling replied, "What are you talking about? You're in this too."
"I was by dee door, checking on dee coast."- Good read thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2018
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Thanks for reviewing chapter 16.
I appreciate the compliments.
I hope readers buy into the way I wrote the money situation.
Thanks again.
Marv
Comment from judiverse
Great work. Looks like the money is still missing. Great work in catching Sterling in the act. (At least he thought he was murdering Ronald.) Great plan and those involved carried it out beautifully. Mel (aka Chico) stays in character and he is funny. It's good to have some light-hearted touches, as you do. Crime can be pretty heavy. Now if they can find the money. judi
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2018
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Great work. Looks like the money is still missing. Great work in catching Sterling in the act. (At least he thought he was murdering Ronald.) Great plan and those involved carried it out beautifully. Mel (aka Chico) stays in character and he is funny. It's good to have some light-hearted touches, as you do. Crime can be pretty heavy. Now if they can find the money. judi
Comment Written 22-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2018
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Thanks for reviewing, Judi. I appreciate the compliments. I agree with your opinion about humor in a drama. If I come up with some humor there's a good chance I'll write it into the story.
Amanda and Brennan each came up with a pun.
It'd be a shame to go through all this and not find out where the money is.
Thanks again.
Marv
Marv
Marv
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You're very welcome. I enjoyed the way they trapped Sterling. judi
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Thank you. I hope readers buy into the way I wrote the money situation.
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You're welcome. I enjoyed the novel. judi
Comment from Nanny 6
Although I haven't read any other chapters, I got a good feel of the characters and the backstory. The chapter flows well and keeps the reader motivated to continue reading. This was written well.
Judy
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2018
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Although I haven't read any other chapters, I got a good feel of the characters and the backstory. The chapter flows well and keeps the reader motivated to continue reading. This was written well.
Judy
Comment Written 21-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2018
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That's a nice compliment, when you can tell from one chapter, the merits of a piece.
Thank you very much for reviewing.
You've given me many compliments which I appreciate immensely.
I hope you read the next chapter I post.
Marv
Comment from Sandra Elizabeth Williams
As I read this chapter to your story, I was able to visualize it as a scene in a movie. It is good and the dialogue flows well.
I aim to read the rest.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2018
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As I read this chapter to your story, I was able to visualize it as a scene in a movie. It is good and the dialogue flows well.
I aim to read the rest.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2018
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Should I call you SEW?
Thanks for your very nice review.
?. . . able to visualize it as a scene in a movie.? What a wonderful compliment!
I hope the subsequent chapters will make sense to you.
Your other compliments are appreciated, also.
I'm glad you're going to stay with my story.
Marv
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A good continuation here as the 'sting' fulfils its potential.
watching the 'murder' scene take place - maybe delete scene here as surely the scene is in place. Or perhaps change it to something akin to murder scene evolve.
Trying to Shield his eyes - shield.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2018
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Hi there,
A good continuation here as the 'sting' fulfils its potential.
watching the 'murder' scene take place - maybe delete scene here as surely the scene is in place. Or perhaps change it to something akin to murder scene evolve.
Trying to Shield his eyes - shield.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2018
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I appreciate your 'sting potential' comment.
Thank you for the 'murder' scene advice. I made a change.
I switch sentence opening phrases often. It was bound to catch up with me.
Thanks for your continued support.
Marv
Comment from pome lover
MM, are you being intentionally funny with "candy strippers"? Because if you didn't mean to be, that is really funny. Since you explained the term down below, I thought you were serious.
Anyway this is good. I love the bits of humor throughout.
but I have to ask, Where IS the bag of money?? and are you ending it this way???
that's pretty funny, too, by the way, if you are. A kind of modern day Keystone cops.
You ARE a funny man.
pome lover
Good shooow, as the Brits say.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2018
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MM, are you being intentionally funny with "candy strippers"? Because if you didn't mean to be, that is really funny. Since you explained the term down below, I thought you were serious.
Anyway this is good. I love the bits of humor throughout.
but I have to ask, Where IS the bag of money?? and are you ending it this way???
that's pretty funny, too, by the way, if you are. A kind of modern day Keystone cops.
You ARE a funny man.
pome lover
Good shooow, as the Brits say.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2018
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I didn't mean to be funny this time. I misspelled the word.
They were called Candy Stripers at St. Agnes hospital in Baltimore. The girls wore pink and white striped uniforms.
What kind of a story would it be with a loose end like that? (The money)
I've got it all worked out.
I can think of four possibilities. Tell me your ideas and I bet you're wrong. The story can't end until we know where the money is.
I like your review. Thanks for the compliments.
Was this post too long or confusing?
Marv
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yep. I know what Candy Sripers are - that's why i thought your "slip" was humorous - I think it'd be funny if you had Brennen or somebody refer to them that way - maybe in a joking way - just slip in a little humor, there, somehow.
MM, I have no idea where the money is, I'm sorry. what are the four possibilities???
Your post wasn't too long, it's just that if i don't keep up with something regularly - like everyday - I tend to not remember. If you tell me the 4 possibilities, maybe I can see which I think would be best - if you'd care to, that is.
Comment from Debbie Pope
Glad that I got to read another of your chapters. I like your poetry a lot. You write from the heart. But, I think that I like your prose better. You know how to develop a story. Your plot is convoluted. Your characters are real. Nice job.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2018
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Glad that I got to read another of your chapters. I like your poetry a lot. You write from the heart. But, I think that I like your prose better. You know how to develop a story. Your plot is convoluted. Your characters are real. Nice job.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2018
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Thank you. Your words are all good news.
I enjoy trying to write poetry but I'd rather write a good story any day.
So many nice compliments. I appreciate them all.
Marv
