Cindy and her sisters
Inspirations3 total reviews
Comment from samantha0930
I was confused right at the beginning, because I wasn't sure if Bella was short for Bellisima or if they were different people; they're names are a bit too similar for it to be very clear until you keep reading, but I had to reread the beginning first to make sure I didn't miss something.
Your separation of paragraphs/lines was really awkward for me, because at the beginning you didn't separate your new paragraphs, except for starting a new line, and then later it was weird because you started new lines that weren't even new paragraphs.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't know what "school debs" was supposed to mean, and I thought it was really weird to ask someone out to drink soda. Maybe he should've asked if she wanted to go get some coffee? Because that's the only thing similar that I can think of that people actually do, other than maybe getting a drink, but it seemed like they aren't old enough to go to a bar.
I was really confused at the end of the story, not really because I thought it didn't make sense, because the story is straightforward for the most part, but it ended very abruptly and it felt like nothing had really happened.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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I was confused right at the beginning, because I wasn't sure if Bella was short for Bellisima or if they were different people; they're names are a bit too similar for it to be very clear until you keep reading, but I had to reread the beginning first to make sure I didn't miss something.
Your separation of paragraphs/lines was really awkward for me, because at the beginning you didn't separate your new paragraphs, except for starting a new line, and then later it was weird because you started new lines that weren't even new paragraphs.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't know what "school debs" was supposed to mean, and I thought it was really weird to ask someone out to drink soda. Maybe he should've asked if she wanted to go get some coffee? Because that's the only thing similar that I can think of that people actually do, other than maybe getting a drink, but it seemed like they aren't old enough to go to a bar.
I was really confused at the end of the story, not really because I thought it didn't make sense, because the story is straightforward for the most part, but it ended very abruptly and it felt like nothing had really happened.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Thanks for reading and comments much appreciated zanya
Comment from tfawcus
Good update of the original classic fairytale. You have stuck closely enough to the plot to make your modern version instantly recognisable. I like that your Cindy gets there on her own Initiative instead of relying on a mythical fairy godmother.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Good update of the original classic fairytale. You have stuck closely enough to the plot to make your modern version instantly recognisable. I like that your Cindy gets there on her own Initiative instead of relying on a mythical fairy godmother.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Great- thanks for reading zanya
Comment from kiwijenny
Just be yourself ...way to rewrite Cinderella...
And who could ever wear glass shoes ? Pink purse is so much more sensible
Well done...thank you
God bless
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Just be yourself ...way to rewrite Cinderella...
And who could ever wear glass shoes ? Pink purse is so much more sensible
Well done...thank you
God bless
Comment Written 19-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2018
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Love it ! thanks for reading zanya
