Short Stories and Flash
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "My Confession"Misc Fiction
15 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a very dramatic write mike and suits perfectly the 'Dark and stormy night' contest. We certainly got the picture without you having to be too graphic, and a great ending. Well told and good luck in the contest,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2018
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This is a very dramatic write mike and suits perfectly the 'Dark and stormy night' contest. We certainly got the picture without you having to be too graphic, and a great ending. Well told and good luck in the contest,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 08-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2018
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Wow. What an encouraging review. It's a tough field, but I appreciate your well wishes. Thanks a million. mike :))
Comment from trimple
Hi there, Michael
Absolutely fabulous story telling.
A classic case of 'never judge a book by its cover,'
I guess is summing up of this well-told but disturbing story.
The only thing that I thought was a bit naff, was the 'Come here my pretty' bit.
I appreciate the fact that she was a wretched woman, but I think you took that witchy thingy a bit too over the top. lol
Still... LOved it and wish you all the luck for the competition.
I think I screwed up by turning my entry into a chapter rather than telling a whole story. My bad, but at least the competition got my juices flowing again :)
kindest regards
tracey
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2018
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Hi there, Michael
Absolutely fabulous story telling.
A classic case of 'never judge a book by its cover,'
I guess is summing up of this well-told but disturbing story.
The only thing that I thought was a bit naff, was the 'Come here my pretty' bit.
I appreciate the fact that she was a wretched woman, but I think you took that witchy thingy a bit too over the top. lol
Still... LOved it and wish you all the luck for the competition.
I think I screwed up by turning my entry into a chapter rather than telling a whole story. My bad, but at least the competition got my juices flowing again :)
kindest regards
tracey
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2018
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Yeah, I was a little ambivalent about the "I'll get you my pretty" line. But it came in handy at the end. Still, I may think about coming up with something better. So pleased you enjoyed. AND delighted to see a CHAPTER from you. That means more CHAPTERS to come. YES! Thanks so much, Tracey. :)) mike
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Your most welcome, Michael. Yeah a chapter.. in a prompt that calls for a story that may at least call for a dark n stormy night...lol
I screwed this one up really, but hey ho... like I said on the forum earlier... at least my juices are flowing :)
If you do get time to browse over it.. i'd appreciate a 'Good' writer's critique lol
I'm crap at writing stories :)
much love to you, Michael...
I think you have a winner there
brilliant
kind regards
tracey
Comment from Mustang Patty
Wow, Mikey,
For a poet, you don't do half bad at prose. I liked this story a lot. You brought in elements of mayhem, craziness, and abuse that drive any good story. However, it is the way you brought the elements together that was very interesting.
Even though he was a bad guy, I kind of felt sorry for him.
Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Wow, Mikey,
For a poet, you don't do half bad at prose. I liked this story a lot. You brought in elements of mayhem, craziness, and abuse that drive any good story. However, it is the way you brought the elements together that was very interesting.
Even though he was a bad guy, I kind of felt sorry for him.
Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Hi, Patty
High praise coming from you. I used to write a LOT of prose, but it has rules and stuff. LOL
I'm pleased you had some sympathy for the main character. I was hoping he would garner some. Thanks a million. mike :))
Comment from Air Spirit
I loved your story! OMG, it is very good.... I typically don't like to read stories, because of a lack of patience... at least I am honest, right?? :) but your story, kept me captive, just as the child was in the story - who was held captive, bound, gagged, and stripped bare of human dignity or voice --- I found my blood boiling as I was reading of the abuse, so you did a great job of being convincing, sounding realistic enough to give the story some credence, but it was evil and wicked enough to sound sinister and scare the pa-jee-bee out of me! Great job! I am voting for you in the contest as well -- yours was one of the few that held my attention, and found me emotionally reacting to the poison parenting you received... I could relate on some levels, so it hit a 'note.'
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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I loved your story! OMG, it is very good.... I typically don't like to read stories, because of a lack of patience... at least I am honest, right?? :) but your story, kept me captive, just as the child was in the story - who was held captive, bound, gagged, and stripped bare of human dignity or voice --- I found my blood boiling as I was reading of the abuse, so you did a great job of being convincing, sounding realistic enough to give the story some credence, but it was evil and wicked enough to sound sinister and scare the pa-jee-bee out of me! Great job! I am voting for you in the contest as well -- yours was one of the few that held my attention, and found me emotionally reacting to the poison parenting you received... I could relate on some levels, so it hit a 'note.'
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Has anyone ever told you, you make a writer GLAD they write? Wow. You are so encouraging. I'm so pleased that everything I was trying to do seems to have worked, at least for you. Regardless of how this little contest comes out, I'll take this as my win. Thanks so very much. :)) mike
Comment from humpwhistle
The prompt is almost a clarion for melodrama. Your story is well-written, and well-told, but it's largely 'tell', and follows the prompt like GPS. Maybe it's just me, but when a prompt goads me to zig, I zag. Break from the pack. Screw the voters. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Day, night, an hour, a sunrise ... what did they matter to a life tossed to the maelstrom of murderous rage--Need a ? here?
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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The prompt is almost a clarion for melodrama. Your story is well-written, and well-told, but it's largely 'tell', and follows the prompt like GPS. Maybe it's just me, but when a prompt goads me to zig, I zag. Break from the pack. Screw the voters. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Day, night, an hour, a sunrise ... what did they matter to a life tossed to the maelstrom of murderous rage--Need a ? here?
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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I usually zag to the point no one knows what I'm talking about. I thought I'd TRY to make the sentence actually work as part of a story. Just an exercise. There were some good entries though. A "here"? Hmm ... I'll consider that. Perhaps it does. Thanks for a good review. mike
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Actually, I'm just suggesting a question mark after 'rage'.
Zigging and zagging are personal choices. But when a prompt seems to push me in one direction, my inclination is to push the other way. I don't win a lot of contests that way, but I enjoy poking the balloon. L
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Oh, I'm so used to the editor adding question marks. Yes, I'll add it.
Makes for good writing though. Good advice.
Comment from Bananafish308
Wow, Mikey. This was one harrowing story. You had me captivated from the start. Are you a fan of Edgar Allan Poe? Your first several paragraphs evoked memories of some of Poe's great descriptive passages when exploring the dark recesses of the human mind. The "Black Cat" immediately comes to mind, as well as a number of other short stories by him.
Great choice to use the opening sentence as a metaphor.
You have captured the long term effects parental sexual child abuse has on the victim in all its unflinching horror.
Great job and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Wow, Mikey. This was one harrowing story. You had me captivated from the start. Are you a fan of Edgar Allan Poe? Your first several paragraphs evoked memories of some of Poe's great descriptive passages when exploring the dark recesses of the human mind. The "Black Cat" immediately comes to mind, as well as a number of other short stories by him.
Great choice to use the opening sentence as a metaphor.
You have captured the long term effects parental sexual child abuse has on the victim in all its unflinching horror.
Great job and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Wow. That's a humbling comparison. I'll take it. :)) I'm truly pleased you enjoyed this and a bit speechless at your response. Thanks so much. You made my day. mike
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You're welcome, Mike.
Comment from Van
Well written. Splendid submission for the contest. In scanning through the reviews, I see why there aren't any issues. ;) "They" already had their way with you. haha
Well, good luck with the voting.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Well written. Splendid submission for the contest. In scanning through the reviews, I see why there aren't any issues. ;) "They" already had their way with you. haha
Well, good luck with the voting.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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I LOVE it when they do that. I like to leave plenty of punctuation errors ... gives folks something to do, yes? LOL
Glad you enjoyed. Get her earlier next time for the FUN. Thanks a million. mike :))
Comment from trumby
Very good, mate.
With the way that it started, I thought that it might be a personal memoirs story, but then I realized that NO-ONE would talk about their mother that way.
I liked the way that the story was built up, although the only thing that I am uncertain about is this. How did his niece know about her grandmother being as bad as what she was?
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Very good, mate.
With the way that it started, I thought that it might be a personal memoirs story, but then I realized that NO-ONE would talk about their mother that way.
I liked the way that the story was built up, although the only thing that I am uncertain about is this. How did his niece know about her grandmother being as bad as what she was?
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Well, he discovered his mom was abusing his niece, that's why he murdered her. He rescued his niece from his mom.
No, my mom was a sweetheart. LOL Makes for a boring memoir, but a nice life. :)) mike
Comment from JDRBAR
I know this is a fictional story, but I'll guarantee there are a great many men and women, in prison who responded to their upbringing in similar fashion. Your story was extremely well written and I'm sorry it is competing against my own as yours is better LOL.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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I know this is a fictional story, but I'll guarantee there are a great many men and women, in prison who responded to their upbringing in similar fashion. Your story was extremely well written and I'm sorry it is competing against my own as yours is better LOL.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Aww, you're too kind. Glad you liked my story. I enjoyed yours quite a bit. We're always unsure about our own work. That's why we have each other. Thanks a million. mike
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written short horror story. Adults that do unthinkable things to their own children is unacceptable and they should be brought to the open and put in jail where they cannot get in contact with children at all.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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A very well-written short horror story. Adults that do unthinkable things to their own children is unacceptable and they should be brought to the open and put in jail where they cannot get in contact with children at all.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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I couldn't agree more, Sandra. Thanks so much, mike