Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Hospitals"All chapters
7 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Marv. It sounds like Sterling has made a plan to get slip out of his room and if I'm reading this right, the cops are waiting for him to make such a move. I like how you have let the reader into Sterling's thoughts. Italicizing is a good way to do it. Marilyn
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Hi Marv. It sounds like Sterling has made a plan to get slip out of his room and if I'm reading this right, the cops are waiting for him to make such a move. I like how you have let the reader into Sterling's thoughts. Italicizing is a good way to do it. Marilyn
Comment Written 18-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Your assumptions are correct. I'm glad you like the inclusion of Sterling's thoughts. He thinks a lot of himself while he does that.
Thanks for the high rating.
I promoted this and it sat there for a couple of days. I'm curious to know how much you received for reviewing it.
Marv
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Hi Marv. I may have got nothing for reading it. I read it because it was you, that's all. I have been off the site for few days and am catching up. Marilyn
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Thanks for being one of my loyal fans.
Marv
Comment from pome lover
MM,
can't you remove the phrase at the top that says, A chapter in the book, Loophole? When you start a new post, how else does it get there? Do you start a separate new post - not a continuation?
good story, Marv. Lots of good detail and dialogue.
One teensy suggestion: in the last sentence, instead of a period after hospital, I'd put a comma and say,"but after 9:00 PM....."
that's my comment and I'm sticking to it. :)
good job.
pome lover
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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MM,
can't you remove the phrase at the top that says, A chapter in the book, Loophole? When you start a new post, how else does it get there? Do you start a separate new post - not a continuation?
good story, Marv. Lots of good detail and dialogue.
One teensy suggestion: in the last sentence, instead of a period after hospital, I'd put a comma and say,"but after 9:00 PM....."
that's my comment and I'm sticking to it. :)
good job.
pome lover
Comment Written 15-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Just prior to submitting the post, the word Loophole doesn't appear. After I press send, then it must occur. It will say: add a chapter to your book.
If I choose to edit it, 'Loophole' appears.
Anyhow,
Thanks for reviewing.
I appreciate your comment: 'Lots of good detail and dialogue.'
'Good job' is also nice to hear.
I made the change you suggested.
MM
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well, that is frustrating, Marv. I don't understand it.
They shouldn't be able to mess up your story like that.
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I'm sure it was my fault to begin with.
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I doubt it, but it IS curious.
You are faultless, blameless, Mr. C.
I absolve you. :)
PL
Comment from judiverse
After Ronald's death, Brennan has a plan to trap Sterling. Patrolman Grandea is on duty, but I know from watching TV mysteries that the patrolman guarding a suspect or a witness always goes to sleep or slips off for a smoke. Sterling, however, is ready to make his move. Great job of his thinking about what he's going to do. He comes across as very egotistical, He has a good observation that it's never very dark in a hospital, but after 9 pm it's usually darker. That's when he's planning to make his move. Here's hoping Brennan will be on top of it. Great story. judi
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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After Ronald's death, Brennan has a plan to trap Sterling. Patrolman Grandea is on duty, but I know from watching TV mysteries that the patrolman guarding a suspect or a witness always goes to sleep or slips off for a smoke. Sterling, however, is ready to make his move. Great job of his thinking about what he's going to do. He comes across as very egotistical, He has a good observation that it's never very dark in a hospital, but after 9 pm it's usually darker. That's when he's planning to make his move. Here's hoping Brennan will be on top of it. Great story. judi
Comment Written 15-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Thanks for reviewing and the 5 stars.
You've provided a positive, comprehensive and encouraging review.
I don't recall ever writing a person's thoughts before, but have found it to be a handy tool, which I enjoy using.
You're on top of the plot, down to the last detail. Thanks for sharing your insight regarding chapter 13.
Marv
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You're very welcome. Using the italics was a good way to show that you were reflecting this character's thoughts. judi
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha, great characterization, of which pair of staff would go to the room of a comatose patient and have a smoke while ridiculing the head nurse. I'd say a couple of bozos not too bright about surveillance.
Another fine chapter, Marv. I'm starting to get a "feeling" of your writing style, and it's lean and moves the plot forward with nice segues of humour.
A pleasure to read.
Gloria
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Ha, great characterization, of which pair of staff would go to the room of a comatose patient and have a smoke while ridiculing the head nurse. I'd say a couple of bozos not too bright about surveillance.
Another fine chapter, Marv. I'm starting to get a "feeling" of your writing style, and it's lean and moves the plot forward with nice segues of humour.
A pleasure to read.
Gloria
Comment Written 15-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Thanks for keeping up with this story
'A pleasure to read.' I really like that remark.
Thank you for all the compliments. You are so encouraging!
I don't think the story will last much longer. I'm looking forward to completing it.
Marv
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Marv,
Another interesting part of your story, Loophole, which has nothing to do with a Loophole.
I liked the descriptions of the detectives going about their work. Sounds like Sterling is going to go on a mission of his own. Looking forward to that part.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Hi, Marv,
Another interesting part of your story, Loophole, which has nothing to do with a Loophole.
I liked the descriptions of the detectives going about their work. Sounds like Sterling is going to go on a mission of his own. Looking forward to that part.
Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 15-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Thank you very much, Patty. You're a gem!
I'm glad you like 'the descriptions of the detectives going about their work.' I hope some of it is realistic.
Thanks for the five stars.
Marv
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A good continuation of the story and we'll see just how this mysterious plan plays out. Nice
While it's only natural that he would slant it that way, his scenario makes perfect sense." - need opening speech marks here.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Hi there,
A good continuation of the story and we'll see just how this mysterious plan plays out. Nice
While it's only natural that he would slant it that way, his scenario makes perfect sense." - need opening speech marks here.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Thanks for your support. I appreciate the high rating.
You make it all worth while.
Thank you for the compliment.
I'm glad you felt this chapter was a good continuation of the story.
Marv
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about the plans how the patients in the hospitals plan for earning easy money and interestingly the detective and his associates have planned to make a move to nab them taking action at dim night; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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This speaks about the plans how the patients in the hospitals plan for earning easy money and interestingly the detective and his associates have planned to make a move to nab them taking action at dim night; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 15-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2018
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Thanks for your continued support. You make it all worth while.
I appreciate the high rating.
Thank you for the compliments.
I'm glad you found this chapter to interesting. Thanks for the encouragement.
Marv
