Dragon Skulls
Crown of Heroic Sonnets contest entry12 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
wow - thou art a poet, true
And mighty story teller, too!
I hope you won the contest.
and I can see why you kept the name.
great job.
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2018
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wow - thou art a poet, true
And mighty story teller, too!
I hope you won the contest.
and I can see why you kept the name.
great job.
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 04-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2018
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Hey, Katharine, hello. Thank you for the great review and for looking the piece up. This one actually didn't win but what can you do? Lol. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great weekend.
Ron
Comment from tfawcus
Hi, Ron. I read this a couple of days ago but haven't had much time in the past few days to review. I thought it good them, and still like it on re-reading. The form is faultless, as far as I can see, and the story develops well. I was somewhat fazed by "They drug her to the dungeon", as I have always used "dragged" as the past tense. However, I see that it is an acceptable alternative in the US. I like the easy conversational tone that you have maintained throughout, which makes the poem easy to read aloud and gives it something of the flavour of a ballad. I think you have a great entry to the contest here. Good luck with it!
reply by the author on 31-May-2018
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Hi, Ron. I read this a couple of days ago but haven't had much time in the past few days to review. I thought it good them, and still like it on re-reading. The form is faultless, as far as I can see, and the story develops well. I was somewhat fazed by "They drug her to the dungeon", as I have always used "dragged" as the past tense. However, I see that it is an acceptable alternative in the US. I like the easy conversational tone that you have maintained throughout, which makes the poem easy to read aloud and gives it something of the flavour of a ballad. I think you have a great entry to the contest here. Good luck with it!
Comment Written 31-May-2018
reply by the author on 31-May-2018
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Thank you for the fantastic review and big sixer, Tony. Yeah, somewhere along the line I thought I heard a saying, "They were drug through the mud." Drug may not actually be correct but who knows? I like it so that's all that counts, lol. I always wait until the contest gets to the booth before I read the entries. It keeps me from wanting to quit before I even begin. Ha. I really appreciate the generous stars, friend. I'm glad you liked my little tale dedicated to my screen name. Have a great day and thank you again.
Ron
Comment from Joy Graham
Wow! This is a stunning crown of sonnets. You tell a fascinating story of slaying the dragon to save your love from being sacrificed as the chosen virgin. This is pretty fantastic. I'm losing all hope for my own entry, but I'm here to learn from the best.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 29-May-2018
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Wow! This is a stunning crown of sonnets. You tell a fascinating story of slaying the dragon to save your love from being sacrificed as the chosen virgin. This is pretty fantastic. I'm losing all hope for my own entry, but I'm here to learn from the best.
Joy xx
Comment Written 29-May-2018
reply by the author on 29-May-2018
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Hey, Joy, hello. Thank you so much for the fantastic review and big sixer. Have no fear, I'm sure your piece will do great in the contest. Not many folks like tales about fighting dragons and sacrificing virgins. Lol. This is just the thought I came up with for the contest and ran with it. It's been a good while since I wrote anything in iambic pentameter so I figured why not. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars, Joy. I'm glad you liked the piece. Thank you again. Have a wonderful day.
Ron
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Dragonskulls;
-Simply enjoyable and immensely entertaining Without any mishaps in enchantment which is flowing of thought one thought from next stop from verse to verse four line to line without a syntactical or grammatical break.
-Iambic pentameter simply exceptional all the way through without any hiccups or trip ups Of your utilization of iambic pentameter.
-I love the story, and its captivating, because Of how well you've written the story.
-Here are some issues that I found mostly with your comma's, that I've listed below the quotes with little explanations within our aside the quotes.
~ISSUES~
"No knight"(Could be both ways, as it could be capitalized)
"She swore a heart(comma)that only love could fill."
"A peasant(comma) who believed in love and life."
"The flutes would play,(no comma) guitars would softly strum
"and none would be exempt(comma) nor mercy shown."
"The sacrifice(comma?) that had no choice or say."
"They drug(drag) her to the dungeon through the gates."
"They sympathized and wept for what awaits(comma here)
yet(or comma here?) thankful that the child was not their own." (I'm not sure if it's before or after")
"the only outcome known(comma) that would suffice,(no comma, continuance of thought)
"My mind would be refreshed and more at ease.(Is this a sentence?)or(A lost train of thought. It may be a sentence but I feel that is not connected to something? It just seems odd standing alone by itself?
"remains of men(preferably a comma) who fought for love, as I."
"of how I killed the dragon(comma) as it slept."
"I gasped for breath so(Mostly a comma's used) hard I nearly choked"
It raised its head(comma usually used) while roaring out in pain."
"Along the way, my wife was always here."
"For twenty years,(no comma) fought these beasts abound,
-Hope my review was easily understood, and thank you so much for sharing, and good luck in the contest, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 29-May-2018
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Cheers, Dragonskulls;
-Simply enjoyable and immensely entertaining Without any mishaps in enchantment which is flowing of thought one thought from next stop from verse to verse four line to line without a syntactical or grammatical break.
-Iambic pentameter simply exceptional all the way through without any hiccups or trip ups Of your utilization of iambic pentameter.
-I love the story, and its captivating, because Of how well you've written the story.
-Here are some issues that I found mostly with your comma's, that I've listed below the quotes with little explanations within our aside the quotes.
~ISSUES~
"No knight"(Could be both ways, as it could be capitalized)
"She swore a heart(comma)that only love could fill."
"A peasant(comma) who believed in love and life."
"The flutes would play,(no comma) guitars would softly strum
"and none would be exempt(comma) nor mercy shown."
"The sacrifice(comma?) that had no choice or say."
"They drug(drag) her to the dungeon through the gates."
"They sympathized and wept for what awaits(comma here)
yet(or comma here?) thankful that the child was not their own." (I'm not sure if it's before or after")
"the only outcome known(comma) that would suffice,(no comma, continuance of thought)
"My mind would be refreshed and more at ease.(Is this a sentence?)or(A lost train of thought. It may be a sentence but I feel that is not connected to something? It just seems odd standing alone by itself?
"remains of men(preferably a comma) who fought for love, as I."
"of how I killed the dragon(comma) as it slept."
"I gasped for breath so(Mostly a comma's used) hard I nearly choked"
It raised its head(comma usually used) while roaring out in pain."
"Along the way, my wife was always here."
"For twenty years,(no comma) fought these beasts abound,
-Hope my review was easily understood, and thank you so much for sharing, and good luck in the contest, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 28-May-2018
reply by the author on 29-May-2018
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Thank you for the great review and detailed pointers, Alex. Yeah, I'm not too great with where the commas go. Rama devi already went through and pointed out a lot of them I missed, as well. I'll have to compare the two and see what fits best and where. I really appreciate the generous stars and help, friend. Have a great day.
Ron
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There are times where I put down what I wasn't sure by using a question mark next to my answer because I wasn't sure. Good luck and take care with all your future endeavors may you find happiness.
Alex
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Ron, I have a great website for you that I found it was given to me just a week ago. It's a website where it tells you how to use all the punctuations, just where, when, how, and why use certain punctuation and the website is
{http://www.thepunctuationguide.com/comma.html} or "THE PUNCTUATION GUIDE". This site is helped me write and even help me review!
Take care and have a good one, Ron.
Alex
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That's awesome. Thank you. I'll check it out.
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Very good, DragonSkulls, and have a good one.
Alice
Comment from w.j.debi
Finally someone puts the tale we think we have all heard into a story. I've heard the maiden is sacrificed to the dragon and the knight in shining armor saves her before that happens, but I've not seen it in an actual story before. You make it personal and real. He has a reason to save her and destroy the creature. After he succeeds, he makes it a profession and he and his wife live happily ever after off of his skills. You had me hooked and entertained the entire time. Great job.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-May-2018
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Finally someone puts the tale we think we have all heard into a story. I've heard the maiden is sacrificed to the dragon and the knight in shining armor saves her before that happens, but I've not seen it in an actual story before. You make it personal and real. He has a reason to save her and destroy the creature. After he succeeds, he makes it a profession and he and his wife live happily ever after off of his skills. You had me hooked and entertained the entire time. Great job.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-May-2018
reply by the author on 28-May-2018
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Hey, Debi. hi. Thank you so much for the fantastic review and the big sixer. Someone else mentioned that too, it sounds like a fairy tale we've heard but I can't figure out exactly which one has the name drawing and the maiden being sacrificed to a dragon. Lol. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars, kind words and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked my lengthy tale. Have a great Memorial Day.
Ron
Comment from Old Soldier
Send to Netflix. :) just having fun. Well written with a good flow. I would suggest you reread and check your presence and past tense. Thanks for sharing and keep writing and reading.
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Send to Netflix. :) just having fun. Well written with a good flow. I would suggest you reread and check your presence and past tense. Thanks for sharing and keep writing and reading.
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Thank you for the great review, Old S. Yeah, I know I switched up tenses here and there but I mainly did it to get the rhymes I was going for, lol. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from Henry King
Wow! Epic! What else is there to say? The poet has accomplished what he promised and did it. This presentation meets all the requirements of the contest. Well done.
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Wow! Epic! What else is there to say? The poet has accomplished what he promised and did it. This presentation meets all the requirements of the contest. Well done.
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Thank you for the fantastic review and the big sixer, Henry. I really appreciate the generous stars and kind words. I'm glad you liked the piece. Thank you again.
Ron
Comment from rama devi
Wow! Impressive work, masterfully crafted rhyme and flawless meter and effective storytelling style. Excellent descriptive detail and characterization. Impressive slant rhymes and random internal rhymes included intermittently. Top notch phrasing phonetics and flow, except for some spag issues regarding comma usage (as per prose rules, since this has a prose-like feel, in my opinion). Suggestions and observations noted below:
*
No knight was I nor claim to royalty.
Suggest using a dash and no instead of nor:
No knight was I--no claim to royalty
*
A peasant who believed in love and life.(,)
I worked the land along my father's plow.
*
Attendance was required from all the lands(,)
and none would be exempt nor mercy shown.
*
The moon was nearly full(,) as we all knew.
*
The name no child nor father could undo.
Potent line! Suggest using OR instead of NOR.
Awesome line:
A burden nothing wept could overweigh.
Great line and alliteration:
The dragon calms its fury when it's fed.
*
At random, names are drawn before the moon(,)
and(,) over years(,) we've learnt what it desires.
A virgin's fate must always come too soon(,)
but this is what our livelihood requires.
*
When royal guards came taking her(,) I vowed,
before they did(,) I'd see them all in hell.
*
I screamed so loud(,) though dust still filled my throat,
*
Determined in my heart(,) with mind precise,
Great slant rhyme here:
Two days were all the sacrificing lacks.
I wiped the dust from great grandfather's axe.
*
They're battle worn(,) and blood still stains the cracks,
*
I schemed a plan(,) my conscience justified.
*
The stories would be told(,) then told again(,)
of how I killed the dragon as it slept.
*
avenging all the people who have died.(,)
Embracing once again my maiden fair.
*
I raised the heavy sword 'neath shadowed cloak(,)
then(,) instantly(,) the mighty beast awoke.
*
Then(,) instantly(,) the mighty beast awoke,
*
The moment it drew breath(,) I took control
POTENT LINES:
The kingdom offered gold and gems and charms.
But my reward was felt within my heart.
*
From that day forth(,) the masses learned my name.
*
Along the way(,) my wife was always here.
*
For twenty years(,) I fought these beasts abound(,)
and now the trophies line my castle walls.
Perhaps(,) some day(someday,) my kids will ask of me
Almost a six, but I think it needs fine tuning for commas, etc.
Bravo on all other levels. Should do well in the contest!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Wow! Impressive work, masterfully crafted rhyme and flawless meter and effective storytelling style. Excellent descriptive detail and characterization. Impressive slant rhymes and random internal rhymes included intermittently. Top notch phrasing phonetics and flow, except for some spag issues regarding comma usage (as per prose rules, since this has a prose-like feel, in my opinion). Suggestions and observations noted below:
*
No knight was I nor claim to royalty.
Suggest using a dash and no instead of nor:
No knight was I--no claim to royalty
*
A peasant who believed in love and life.(,)
I worked the land along my father's plow.
*
Attendance was required from all the lands(,)
and none would be exempt nor mercy shown.
*
The moon was nearly full(,) as we all knew.
*
The name no child nor father could undo.
Potent line! Suggest using OR instead of NOR.
Awesome line:
A burden nothing wept could overweigh.
Great line and alliteration:
The dragon calms its fury when it's fed.
*
At random, names are drawn before the moon(,)
and(,) over years(,) we've learnt what it desires.
A virgin's fate must always come too soon(,)
but this is what our livelihood requires.
*
When royal guards came taking her(,) I vowed,
before they did(,) I'd see them all in hell.
*
I screamed so loud(,) though dust still filled my throat,
*
Determined in my heart(,) with mind precise,
Great slant rhyme here:
Two days were all the sacrificing lacks.
I wiped the dust from great grandfather's axe.
*
They're battle worn(,) and blood still stains the cracks,
*
I schemed a plan(,) my conscience justified.
*
The stories would be told(,) then told again(,)
of how I killed the dragon as it slept.
*
avenging all the people who have died.(,)
Embracing once again my maiden fair.
*
I raised the heavy sword 'neath shadowed cloak(,)
then(,) instantly(,) the mighty beast awoke.
*
Then(,) instantly(,) the mighty beast awoke,
*
The moment it drew breath(,) I took control
POTENT LINES:
The kingdom offered gold and gems and charms.
But my reward was felt within my heart.
*
From that day forth(,) the masses learned my name.
*
Along the way(,) my wife was always here.
*
For twenty years(,) I fought these beasts abound(,)
and now the trophies line my castle walls.
Perhaps(,) some day(someday,) my kids will ask of me
Almost a six, but I think it needs fine tuning for commas, etc.
Bravo on all other levels. Should do well in the contest!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Hey, RD, hi. Thank you so much for the fantastic review and help. I'll have to go through and get all those in there. I didn't realize I was missing so many commas. I'm not real great with the correct way to use them. Like with using them with 'and' or 'but' and things like that. I'll give some thought to changing the 'nor' here and there. I was mainly really just using it so it sounded a little more poetic. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars and pointers. I'll get on that to fix them. Have a great rest of your Memorial Day weekend.
Ron
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Thanks for your gracious response to my review, dear Ron. Happy Memorial Day weekend to you too.
After conjunctions like AND, BUT, etc., commas are used if the subsequent clause is 'independent' from the first one. If it shares the same subject as the first one without introducing its own pronoun, etc., then a comma is not used (dependent clause). So the way to figure out it is determine if the clause could read as its own full sentence or not.
Warmly, rd
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Okay, that makes sense. Thank you.
-
:-)))
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a reasoned, causal fulfilment nice work of crown of heroic sonnet, taletelling has a good flow of thoughts, fantastic visuals and appropriate imagery; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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This is a reasoned, causal fulfilment nice work of crown of heroic sonnet, taletelling has a good flow of thoughts, fantastic visuals and appropriate imagery; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Thank you for the great review, Dr Alcreator. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Ron
Comment from Pantygynt
The lengths some folk will go to justify their chosen screen name!
This is a dramatic version of a fairy story I dimly remember from way back, at least I dimly remember something similar about the situation existing although to be honest I cannot recall accurately whether it was an ancient classical myth or something emanating from the ghastly imagination of the Brothers Grimm.
By the end of the second sonnet in the sequence I had dreamt up a less heroic, though effective method of avoiding the issue, and preventing the name of the lady go into the hat in the first place. But I have to admit it would be markedly less heroic, and would have branded the hero as a cad.
Joking aside though, this story romped along in iambic pentameter with only one metrical glitch that I could find:
"It raised its head to wail out in pain." This line seems to me to be a syllable short. I tried to make "wail" into two syllables but it did sound somewhat contrived and not very iambic. And if you do that to 'wail' why not to 'pain' as well, resulting in too many syllables?
Apart from this it is compliant with the requirements for the contest.
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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The lengths some folk will go to justify their chosen screen name!
This is a dramatic version of a fairy story I dimly remember from way back, at least I dimly remember something similar about the situation existing although to be honest I cannot recall accurately whether it was an ancient classical myth or something emanating from the ghastly imagination of the Brothers Grimm.
By the end of the second sonnet in the sequence I had dreamt up a less heroic, though effective method of avoiding the issue, and preventing the name of the lady go into the hat in the first place. But I have to admit it would be markedly less heroic, and would have branded the hero as a cad.
Joking aside though, this story romped along in iambic pentameter with only one metrical glitch that I could find:
"It raised its head to wail out in pain." This line seems to me to be a syllable short. I tried to make "wail" into two syllables but it did sound somewhat contrived and not very iambic. And if you do that to 'wail' why not to 'pain' as well, resulting in too many syllables?
Apart from this it is compliant with the requirements for the contest.
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Thank you for the excellent review, Pantygynt, and for pointing out the goof. I fixed it. I was really tired by the time I got to that point. I worked all night Friday and stayed up all day Saturday to be sure I'd have it done before the deadline. I really appreciate the generous stars and pointer. Thank you again. Have a great rest of your weekend.
Ron