Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "To Do List"All chapters
10 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
clever title - (with all the instructions given)
lots of semi-humorous dialogue :)
what was the point of the "no last name" bit?
I'm sorry, MM, but it's been a while since your last post and I just can't keep up with your plot.
and you have two loophole stories?
I hate not being able to review this properly but am sure your other fans will give you high ratings.
Your rankings are much higher than mine - I'm wayyyy down the list - so take what I say with a grain of salt.
still friends?
PL
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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clever title - (with all the instructions given)
lots of semi-humorous dialogue :)
what was the point of the "no last name" bit?
I'm sorry, MM, but it's been a while since your last post and I just can't keep up with your plot.
and you have two loophole stories?
I hate not being able to review this properly but am sure your other fans will give you high ratings.
Your rankings are much higher than mine - I'm wayyyy down the list - so take what I say with a grain of salt.
still friends?
PL
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Thanks!
Comment from kiwijenny
I apologize up front. It's hard to critique a story you've jumped in the middle of. I like the banter and the terse back and forth. It reminded me of a police show.
Well penned .
Maybe someone will go to the Penn
Bad puns are how eye roll
God bless
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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I apologize up front. It's hard to critique a story you've jumped in the middle of. I like the banter and the terse back and forth. It reminded me of a police show.
Well penned .
Maybe someone will go to the Penn
Bad puns are how eye roll
God bless
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Kiwi
I except yore a poly gee.
Thanks for reviewing. Jump in anytime. We're here 24/7.
Here's a pun from Chapter 3:
Brennan tried the desk chair and, due to its missing wheel, he fell backward onto the floor. Miss Doherty rushed to his side and knelt on the floor, next to him.
?Are you . . . should I call for an ambulance??
?Chairish the thought,? he said, hoping she disliked puns.
?Good one, Sir.?
Thanks for the compliments.
I wonder which police show it reminded you of.
I liked your pun, 'how eye roll.'
Marv
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He he chairish the thought.
Chicago PD😍
Comment from Hitcher
Just popping in to do a little reviewing : ) An easy chapter to read and follow, the story-line was graspable even though it is my first visit to it. Your characters came alive and felt real, I didn't see any nits, so well done!
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Just popping in to do a little reviewing : ) An easy chapter to read and follow, the story-line was graspable even though it is my first visit to it. Your characters came alive and felt real, I didn't see any nits, so well done!
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Thanks for popping in, Hitcher.
Although it was all new to you, I must be on the right track, if this chapter was easy to read and follow.
I liked it that my characters came alive and felt real.
Hope to see you again.
Marv
Comment from apky
You do have a very complicated story here which I might not do justice since it isn't easy to judge a novel from a single chapter or part of a chapter. But what I can say is that the writing is great, the twists sneak in and out at almost every paragraph - or so it seemed to me - and the cast of characters appear to be rather elaborate.
The dialogue flowed well and sequencing was excellent.
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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You do have a very complicated story here which I might not do justice since it isn't easy to judge a novel from a single chapter or part of a chapter. But what I can say is that the writing is great, the twists sneak in and out at almost every paragraph - or so it seemed to me - and the cast of characters appear to be rather elaborate.
The dialogue flowed well and sequencing was excellent.
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Thank you very, very much for reviewing Chapter 10 of FOW Play. I think you've gotten the general gist of my murder mystery.
Please try to keep up because I may need you to help me figure out what's going on.
Thanks for the many compliments. Hope to see you for the next chapter.
Marv
Comment from Swampfox1
Your story skips and jumps just offering tidbits of information. You write:" two uniformed patrolman" the error is in the single patrolman. The writing doesn't flow very well, it jumps around a lot.
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Your story skips and jumps just offering tidbits of information. You write:" two uniformed patrolman" the error is in the single patrolman. The writing doesn't flow very well, it jumps around a lot.
Comment Written 17-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Thanks for your review.
I fixed the patrolman. Thanks for mentioning that.
Of course you're correct about, 'it jumps around a lot.'
In this chapter, I felt that several small scenes were necessary to reveal the who, when, where, why and what of some of the characters.
Thanks for the five stars.
Marv
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You're welcome. Chapters don't have to be short, you know, and paragraphs can cover just a little.
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha, a little bit of revenge would really cheer her up. That line made me laugh, Marv. lol. You know your people.
Haaaa, the tourniquet neck tie is pretty darn funny too.
Oh my land your entire chapter is hilarious. At least to me, I hope I'm reading it correctly. lol Same hospital. Your humour is spot on.
I very much enjoyed reading your most unique odd coupled partnership of detectives.
Keep going, this is good.
Gloria
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Ha, a little bit of revenge would really cheer her up. That line made me laugh, Marv. lol. You know your people.
Haaaa, the tourniquet neck tie is pretty darn funny too.
Oh my land your entire chapter is hilarious. At least to me, I hope I'm reading it correctly. lol Same hospital. Your humour is spot on.
I very much enjoyed reading your most unique odd coupled partnership of detectives.
Keep going, this is good.
Gloria
Comment Written 17-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Gloria
It does my heart good to receive kind words from you.
I don't like to overdo the humor in a piece like this, but once it enters my brain it might as well be on the page.
Thank you for this review. Thanks for the compliments.
Marv
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Marv. I think this segment of your story is interesting. Dialogue is good and you've included some subtle humor, especially the part about the life support. Marilyn
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hi Marv. I think this segment of your story is interesting. Dialogue is good and you've included some subtle humor, especially the part about the life support. Marilyn
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thank you for reviewing.
Glad you found this chapter interesting.
Thanks for the dialogue compliment.
Humor occurs to me. Although there are some sad and serious moments, I felt I could get away with a little humor.
Marv
5-16-18
Comment from judiverse
Excellent write! Sterling isn't on anyone's "top ten" list, and it seems a few wouldn't mind bodily harm coming to him. He makes it to the hospital okay, and that sound like a great idea to plant the recorder in his room. They want to see how he reacts if he thinks Rose Ann is in the hospital. Nice touches of humor in this. They do have Arnold's story, but they want to see how things play out with Sterling and Rose Ann. Find work with your characters and dialogue. judi
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Excellent write! Sterling isn't on anyone's "top ten" list, and it seems a few wouldn't mind bodily harm coming to him. He makes it to the hospital okay, and that sound like a great idea to plant the recorder in his room. They want to see how he reacts if he thinks Rose Ann is in the hospital. Nice touches of humor in this. They do have Arnold's story, but they want to see how things play out with Sterling and Rose Ann. Find work with your characters and dialogue. judi
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thank you for a most positive review.
It's Gertrude La Scola he's worried about. He hired her just to help with the stickup. There's much more you'll learn about her.
Glad you liked the humor. Thanks for the compliments about the characters and dialogue.
Thanks for everything.
Marv
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You're quite welcome. It was a great read. judi
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Marv;
A very interesting premise you've given us here. So, the two bank employees are just waiting for all the fuss to be over, so they can go back to 'he-ing and she-ing?'
Well, I think they are about to be caught with Arnold's words,
~patty~
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hi, Marv;
A very interesting premise you've given us here. So, the two bank employees are just waiting for all the fuss to be over, so they can go back to 'he-ing and she-ing?'
Well, I think they are about to be caught with Arnold's words,
~patty~
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thanks for reviewing this story. I'm glad to see you're speculating about it.
I'm so glad you thought it was interesting.
Thanks again.
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
This story was interesting, I hope their will be more soon, it was worded well with great verbiage, the characters were strong and the plot was nice and thick, good work, most enjoyable
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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This story was interesting, I hope their will be more soon, it was worded well with great verbiage, the characters were strong and the plot was nice and thick, good work, most enjoyable
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thank you very much for your review.
I hope to complete the next chapter soon.
Thank you for the compliments.
Your review is pleasing and encouraging.
Marv