Mermaid Dream
It was only for a moment...13 total reviews
Comment from R. Hiland
Nice! Reminds me of A.E. Houseman's "When I was one and twenty"--both message and meter. That's a good thing. I'll want to check out your portfolio to see what other gems you have posted. Good work.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
  |
Nice! Reminds me of A.E. Houseman's "When I was one and twenty"--both message and meter. That's a good thing. I'll want to check out your portfolio to see what other gems you have posted. Good work.
Comment Written 12-May-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
-
Again, thank you kindly. This means a lot. I'm looking to pour myself out again here and spend another purification round in the lovely haven of Fanstory. God Bless.
Comment from mrgrunty
Beautiful my friend.
You have found quite the groove here. I love the meter and because you got that right, it flows like the current in you imagined undersea life... or was it imagined.. I can see metaphor .. hee hee
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
 |
Beautiful my friend.
You have found quite the groove here. I love the meter and because you got that right, it flows like the current in you imagined undersea life... or was it imagined.. I can see metaphor .. hee hee
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
-
Hey thank you! :) You're always very kind, sir.
Comment from Sallyo
A lovely-metered ditty,
Your friend (I hope I am)
Enjoyed the words and sentiment
But hey... it's SWUM, not SWAM!
Past participles fool us
With rules that drive us mad
(The final four lines of this note
The Toms forced me to add...)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
 |
A lovely-metered ditty,
Your friend (I hope I am)
Enjoyed the words and sentiment
But hey... it's SWUM, not SWAM!
Past participles fool us
With rules that drive us mad
(The final four lines of this note
The Toms forced me to add...)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
-
As I live and breathe! If it isn't the infamous Sallyo. Thank you most kindly for taking a few minutes to read these pieces. I'll make a go of it again soon. Life is too busy to be be fair right now. ( 10 year old and 15 year old boys, Lord help me. ) I am so glad to see your sweet name again!!
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
An enchanting thought to be sure. My granddaughter loves all the Disney Princesses, but Arial is her favorite.
If only to spend some time at the bottom of the sea. (Without being dead!)
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
|
Hi there;
An enchanting thought to be sure. My granddaughter loves all the Disney Princesses, but Arial is her favorite.
If only to spend some time at the bottom of the sea. (Without being dead!)
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
-
Thank you so much. :)
Comment from Gloria ....
Aw I just love this poem, Scarlet. I can see a lot of girls of all ages relating to be a mermaid as snorkeling or scuba diving just isn't the same. Of course there must be at the very least a castle under there.
Fantastic metre and rhyme and a most enjoyable tale.
Thanks for making me smile. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
|
Aw I just love this poem, Scarlet. I can see a lot of girls of all ages relating to be a mermaid as snorkeling or scuba diving just isn't the same. Of course there must be at the very least a castle under there.
Fantastic metre and rhyme and a most enjoyable tale.
Thanks for making me smile. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 11-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
-
I appreciate it!! ;)
Comment from TearsOfBattle
I really like the way you could take us on such a long story with so little words. I didn't feel like it was rushed or anything. By the way, you might want to check your last line. There's a minor typo. - Tears
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
|
I really like the way you could take us on such a long story with so little words. I didn't feel like it was rushed or anything. By the way, you might want to check your last line. There's a minor typo. - Tears
Comment Written 11-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
-
Thank you so much, Tears.
Comment from MercurySeven
That is so sweet I want to box it and wrap it with a bow and give it to someone really special. I bet lots of girls have a mermaid fantasy at one time or another, but you captured the innocent, day-dreamy aspect of it so well here, it's like this leapt straight from your girlish heart onto the page.
"I jumped into my water world
And sucked salt like the air."
That's worth six stars on its own! The rest is smooth and full of feeling, too. I love it.
"I couldn't asked for more." -- I couldn't ask for more.
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
|
That is so sweet I want to box it and wrap it with a bow and give it to someone really special. I bet lots of girls have a mermaid fantasy at one time or another, but you captured the innocent, day-dreamy aspect of it so well here, it's like this leapt straight from your girlish heart onto the page.
"I jumped into my water world
And sucked salt like the air."
That's worth six stars on its own! The rest is smooth and full of feeling, too. I love it.
"I couldn't asked for more." -- I couldn't ask for more.
Comment Written 11-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
-
Thank you, Merc! It did indeed come from a dreamy girly place. lol. Thank you for appreciating where I was coming from. :)
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Nice little water dream there. I can honestly say I've never dreamed of being a mermaid and I've even watched "The Little Mermaid" before. My daughter use to watch those mermaid shows on netflix, those girls that were in australia I think, but even then, of course I have a great fear of the water. I can't believe I even have that fear in the dreamworld. Great job on this one. Love the rhythm of it.
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
|
Nice little water dream there. I can honestly say I've never dreamed of being a mermaid and I've even watched "The Little Mermaid" before. My daughter use to watch those mermaid shows on netflix, those girls that were in australia I think, but even then, of course I have a great fear of the water. I can't believe I even have that fear in the dreamworld. Great job on this one. Love the rhythm of it.
Comment Written 11-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
-
Thank you so much. :)
Comment from Joy Graham
This is a delightful poem about being a mermaid for a moment :) I love your imagination here. If only your lungs could have grown gills to breathe the water longer so we could see more of what's inside that glass city.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
|
This is a delightful poem about being a mermaid for a moment :) I love your imagination here. If only your lungs could have grown gills to breathe the water longer so we could see more of what's inside that glass city.
Joy xx
Comment Written 11-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
-
Thank you so much. :)
Comment from royowen
A beautifully written fantasy my friend, articulate verse nicely framed in in tetrameter/trimeter in abcb rhyming. Easy, smooth meter that really sets up this great little poem, the artwork is rather brilliant, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
|
A beautifully written fantasy my friend, articulate verse nicely framed in in tetrameter/trimeter in abcb rhyming. Easy, smooth meter that really sets up this great little poem, the artwork is rather brilliant, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 11-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
-
Thank you, Roy!!
-
Welcome
