A son's dream
The day I was born45 total reviews
Comment from bob cullen
Beautifully written. And the perfect description of my mother also.
Loved the rhyme and flow of this poem, but both paled into insignificance when compared to the message the poem promotes.
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Beautifully written. And the perfect description of my mother also.
Loved the rhyme and flow of this poem, but both paled into insignificance when compared to the message the poem promotes.
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Wow! Bob,
Thank you for this most exceptional review my friend. I am excited to see how well this piece has been received. I love my mother dearly and this lets me know that she will as well.
God bless
Steve
Comment from Old Soldier
Well done. Nice rhythm and structure. From the way you speak about your mom she must be my mom's twin. They sound so much alike. Moms have a natural love. There is no love more caring and giving then that of a mother. Thanks for sharing, keep writing and reading.
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Well done. Nice rhythm and structure. From the way you speak about your mom she must be my mom's twin. They sound so much alike. Moms have a natural love. There is no love more caring and giving then that of a mother. Thanks for sharing, keep writing and reading.
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Then you my friend, have a wonderful mother as well. I have been blessed beyond measure. Thank you for this beautiful review.
God bless
Steve
Comment from Wabigoon
Steve--
Nice job. I've read a lot of these, I think. All mom's have their moments according to what I've read. Yours seems exceptional. I've never had that dream -- have dreamt, I think, about the "birth canal" from the point of view of having to go down it.
Have you found a home safe from flooding? That's what you had on your mind last thing I knew.
Only have fives.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Steve--
Nice job. I've read a lot of these, I think. All mom's have their moments according to what I've read. Yours seems exceptional. I've never had that dream -- have dreamt, I think, about the "birth canal" from the point of view of having to go down it.
Have you found a home safe from flooding? That's what you had on your mind last thing I knew.
Only have fives.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Appreciate the awesome review Jeff! I have purchased a home out of the flood zones. Now we are in escrow awaiting close. We should be in by the end of the hopefully. I am moving my Mother and Father in with me.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Ric Myworld
You are very lucky, which I'm sure you already know. Good to see you posting again and I look forward to reading more of your work. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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You are very lucky, which I'm sure you already know. Good to see you posting again and I look forward to reading more of your work. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Looking forward to getting into our new home soon, so i can post more often. Thank you for the awesome review Ric.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from LIJ Red
I count myself blessed, I had a mother for sixty-eight years. I imagine Mother's Day is next Sunday, so this is a timely poem, and one that gets fivers from me.
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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I count myself blessed, I had a mother for sixty-eight years. I imagine Mother's Day is next Sunday, so this is a timely poem, and one that gets fivers from me.
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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That is a grand blessing indeed LIJ Red. I only hope I am blessed to this extent as well. I have had mine for 54 years now. Thank you for this most excellent review.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from krys123
Cheers, NEONEWMAN;
-I've adopted a new way of reviewing and I hope you like it is I take your poem apart and discuss some viewpoints. I also noticed you written in a trochaic meter of 12 syllables per line and somewhere the lines you used a Dactylic meter , and whether it could be either iambic or just plain feet per line. That's all the mechanics let's forget about that because it comes from your heart.
-I really like this line: "Sing to me as each day passed, one I did adore", I really like how much your interpretation of this line is an tool some words around in the last four words and this is what I got "Sing to me as each day passed, one THAT I'D adore". I'm not asking you to change yours I was just looking at it from a different perspective.
-I like also how you being brought into world and recollection, and the recognition of the process of you leaving heaven or a place, where baby souls are taken care of before the born, and then brought into this world and In which the way you described it. Brilliantly done!
-"I was overwhelmed with love; she is my saving grace " Here's what I found were I could save some space to express myself even further by writing it this way-"I was overwhelmed with love; AS SHE'S my saving grace".
-"No other place in this old world, would I rather be" I see worse poetic license to use a comma after the word world and it is acceptable but grammatically if one could he had the proper process as such: "No other place in this old world, THAT I'D rather be." Do you see my gist?
-I had some fun with this one and I hope you don't mind, too much, That I have you look at another viewpoint? "
"Fifty years have now slipped by; QUICKER THAN A SCREAM" i
Many nights have disappeared since I'VE HAD that dream"
-Fabulous piece of writing my friend as I enjoyed reading it very very much. It truly comes from your heart I can tell wholeheartedly that you put a lot into your Writing with well-nourished feelings.
-Thank you so much for sharing and take care and have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
-Less than I forget, good luck in the contest.
Alex
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Cheers, NEONEWMAN;
-I've adopted a new way of reviewing and I hope you like it is I take your poem apart and discuss some viewpoints. I also noticed you written in a trochaic meter of 12 syllables per line and somewhere the lines you used a Dactylic meter , and whether it could be either iambic or just plain feet per line. That's all the mechanics let's forget about that because it comes from your heart.
-I really like this line: "Sing to me as each day passed, one I did adore", I really like how much your interpretation of this line is an tool some words around in the last four words and this is what I got "Sing to me as each day passed, one THAT I'D adore". I'm not asking you to change yours I was just looking at it from a different perspective.
-I like also how you being brought into world and recollection, and the recognition of the process of you leaving heaven or a place, where baby souls are taken care of before the born, and then brought into this world and In which the way you described it. Brilliantly done!
-"I was overwhelmed with love; she is my saving grace " Here's what I found were I could save some space to express myself even further by writing it this way-"I was overwhelmed with love; AS SHE'S my saving grace".
-"No other place in this old world, would I rather be" I see worse poetic license to use a comma after the word world and it is acceptable but grammatically if one could he had the proper process as such: "No other place in this old world, THAT I'D rather be." Do you see my gist?
-I had some fun with this one and I hope you don't mind, too much, That I have you look at another viewpoint? "
"Fifty years have now slipped by; QUICKER THAN A SCREAM" i
Many nights have disappeared since I'VE HAD that dream"
-Fabulous piece of writing my friend as I enjoyed reading it very very much. It truly comes from your heart I can tell wholeheartedly that you put a lot into your Writing with well-nourished feelings.
-Thank you so much for sharing and take care and have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
-Less than I forget, good luck in the contest.
Alex
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Thank you for the awesome review and suggestions my friend. I did use a couple of them as I was struggling with this very thought. I changed them over and over until I gave in lol.
God bless
Steve
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Oh, the struggles of a determined poet. I know that feeling well. You're very welcome, Steve, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
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You as well my friend.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Mother's Day Poetry writing prompt.
A lovely tribute to Mom.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Mother's Day Poetry writing prompt.
A lovely tribute to Mom.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Thank you Sharon, I do love her so. Awesome review.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story about a mother's love and its powerful strength. I enjoyed the tale within the lines. I wish you the best of luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Hi there;
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story about a mother's love and its powerful strength. I enjoyed the tale within the lines. I wish you the best of luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Thank you for this excellent review Patty. I love my mom dearly.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a wonderful tribute to your mother. It is quite unique as well. Don't remember ever reading one starting at birth. LOL Well done Steve, Mom will be proud. Nancy
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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This is a wonderful tribute to your mother. It is quite unique as well. Don't remember ever reading one starting at birth. LOL Well done Steve, Mom will be proud. Nancy
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Thank you Nancy for the awesome review. Never thought about the whole birth thing until I read a few of these review lol.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from meeshu
a dream of your own birth, that is so cool, Neon. your poem has good form and good rhymes but your unique angle sets it apart........meeshu
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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a dream of your own birth, that is so cool, Neon. your poem has good form and good rhymes but your unique angle sets it apart........meeshu
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Thank you Meeshu, this piece came easy for me as the love of my mother is strong.
God bless!
Steve
