Pearls of Wisdom
Sometines a chld can't be taught, but must learn on her own8 total reviews
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good Lord!
I read, relished, and reviewed this wonderfully crafted piece, and somehow, I was boot off my computer before I could send it.
So...here it goes again:
I consider this piece one of the finest works of fiction that I have read since returning to FanStory in January of this year.
Perhaps it is because I can relate to the narrator. Perhaps it is because I can relate to the mother. At any rate, I know I can relate to the pearls...
That said, the characterization, storyline, and especially the dialogue is real, honest, and relatable.
I smiled at the numerous thoughts of the narrator - thinking, "Damn! That is something I would have said!"...even tho' there was no "Jimmy" in my life, but my mother did think I had lost my mind when I decided to move "up north" to be with the young man I was dating...who, by the way... I have been honored to have been married to for nearly 39 years! "Suitcase of resentments" = stellar!
If I may, I did find a few "nits" that you may, or may not wish to amend:
1.My mother had never laid a hand on me in my life. No swats or spankings: (;) I was in shock.
2. My brothers had an easy relationship with our mother, navigating family functions like a (omit a) professional surfer (s) riding a wave. (I may be totally off base on this one, but there are two brothers = surfers).
3. "Pearls bring tears("), your father said to me when he gave me this strand as a wedding day present.
4. I walked on egg shells (eggshells).
Again, your story made my day!
Best Wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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Good Lord!
I read, relished, and reviewed this wonderfully crafted piece, and somehow, I was boot off my computer before I could send it.
So...here it goes again:
I consider this piece one of the finest works of fiction that I have read since returning to FanStory in January of this year.
Perhaps it is because I can relate to the narrator. Perhaps it is because I can relate to the mother. At any rate, I know I can relate to the pearls...
That said, the characterization, storyline, and especially the dialogue is real, honest, and relatable.
I smiled at the numerous thoughts of the narrator - thinking, "Damn! That is something I would have said!"...even tho' there was no "Jimmy" in my life, but my mother did think I had lost my mind when I decided to move "up north" to be with the young man I was dating...who, by the way... I have been honored to have been married to for nearly 39 years! "Suitcase of resentments" = stellar!
If I may, I did find a few "nits" that you may, or may not wish to amend:
1.My mother had never laid a hand on me in my life. No swats or spankings: (;) I was in shock.
2. My brothers had an easy relationship with our mother, navigating family functions like a (omit a) professional surfer (s) riding a wave. (I may be totally off base on this one, but there are two brothers = surfers).
3. "Pearls bring tears("), your father said to me when he gave me this strand as a wedding day present.
4. I walked on egg shells (eggshells).
Again, your story made my day!
Best Wishes!
diane
Comment Written 06-May-2018
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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Are you kidding? I made your day? You made mine. When I began reading your review I immediately thought I should nominate you for the reviewing contest then reprimanded myself. Gushing reviews are so damn lovely, but don't necessarily equate to a good reviewer. But then--after writing your comments you lost them, and repeated the process--you added valid and greatly appreciated not alerts. Of course you deserve a nomination.
Congratulations on a great accomplishment. 39 years of marriage is envious and commendable. To be happy for four decades, even with life challenges, is absolutely remarkable.
Ye, I too have been absent from the site for almost a year. Macular degeneration tried to cripple me, but I'm fighting back.
Thanks dor an outstanding review.
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I simply loved your story!
Macular degeneration = one of my greatest fears. Not there yet, but I surely applaud your courage.
I hope you fare well in the contest. Your piece is a winner!
diane
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'What Happened' writing prompt.
Your story is touching, well told, and clear.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the 'What Happened' writing prompt.
Your story is touching, well told, and clear.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 06-May-2018
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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I do appreciate your taking the time to read and review. Thanks.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think you have a good story here but some elements of it are a little milky, unclear so to speak.
Some things I noticed as I read-
Just pick up the pieces." - need opening marks here.
After the break, it seemed a little odd for the narrator to be using Mama when initially it was all mother.
make-believe fantasies about a happily ever after fantasy - maybe drop fantasy from the very end here.
My older brother had returned to the hospital room with Brandon - it felt a little strange to not have the older brother named.
she would cheap strands of pearls - not sure what this means.
She saved you from Jerry - who's Jerry? There's no mention of a Jerry in the story. The earlier boyfriend was Jimmy.
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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Hi there,
I think you have a good story here but some elements of it are a little milky, unclear so to speak.
Some things I noticed as I read-
Just pick up the pieces." - need opening marks here.
After the break, it seemed a little odd for the narrator to be using Mama when initially it was all mother.
make-believe fantasies about a happily ever after fantasy - maybe drop fantasy from the very end here.
My older brother had returned to the hospital room with Brandon - it felt a little strange to not have the older brother named.
she would cheap strands of pearls - not sure what this means.
She saved you from Jerry - who's Jerry? There's no mention of a Jerry in the story. The earlier boyfriend was Jimmy.
Comment Written 06-May-2018
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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Man,. I'm rusty. Note to self...if you don''t use it, you lose it. Thanks for the feedback. Corrections made with gratitude.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was such a sad story. It's not until we lose them that we remember all the things that they did for us. Your story fitted so well for this contest, it's a story many of us can relate to in some way as to how we were as children. Well done, and good luck in the contest. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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That was such a sad story. It's not until we lose them that we remember all the things that they did for us. Your story fitted so well for this contest, it's a story many of us can relate to in some way as to how we were as children. Well done, and good luck in the contest. Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-May-2018
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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Hopefully the story might remind some to let things go and make amends. Thanks for the review.
Comment from Harry Smith
The reader found this story exceptionally well written and he really like the picture selection for this story that is filled with emotions and is loaded with lots of imagery. I was interested from beginning until the end.
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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The reader found this story exceptionally well written and he really like the picture selection for this story that is filled with emotions and is loaded with lots of imagery. I was interested from beginning until the end.
Comment Written 06-May-2018
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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You honour me with the stars, and I am very grateful. Thanks so much.
Comment from Maame Grace
I like the flow of the story. The character of the rebellious seventeen old and the suburban housewife are also fleshed out.
The dialogues are well-written and sprinkled throughout the story. The dialogues also drive the story forward. One of the hold such a truth that needs to be noted:
"...poetry can't be taught. It's like echoes of the soul."
Please, check and fix the typos in the sentence before the title:
"Sometimes a chilkd can;t be taught, but must learn on her own"
It is a beautiful story: emotional memories by a mother's dying bed.
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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I like the flow of the story. The character of the rebellious seventeen old and the suburban housewife are also fleshed out.
The dialogues are well-written and sprinkled throughout the story. The dialogues also drive the story forward. One of the hold such a truth that needs to be noted:
"...poetry can't be taught. It's like echoes of the soul."
Please, check and fix the typos in the sentence before the title:
"Sometimes a chilkd can;t be taught, but must learn on her own"
It is a beautiful story: emotional memories by a mother's dying bed.
Comment Written 05-May-2018
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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i caught those typos after I posted. How dumb am I?? hanks for the review.
Comment from Pamusart
This is a good entry for the contest. I had a tough relationship with my mom. The five oldest kids. The four youngest had it far easier because the older kids watched them instead of my mom. That made it even worse for the older kids because any time the youngsters did something wrong, the older ones got into trouble. Even when the youngest went around hitting people and then reported that they had hit him. The older kid got punished every time. I never got the live at the end either. So, I want to tell you that I am happy that you know that your mother loved you. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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This is a good entry for the contest. I had a tough relationship with my mom. The five oldest kids. The four youngest had it far easier because the older kids watched them instead of my mom. That made it even worse for the older kids because any time the youngsters did something wrong, the older ones got into trouble. Even when the youngest went around hitting people and then reported that they had hit him. The older kid got punished every time. I never got the live at the end either. So, I want to tell you that I am happy that you know that your mother loved you. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 05-May-2018
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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No. This is a work of true fiction. I was sexually abused, and my mother turned away, even punishing me for my dirty mouth. I fad no heroes in my life. Tenks for sharing, really. I appreciate the review.
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Ok. We are kindred spirits. There should have to be a certification for being a parent.
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
I enjoyed this piece a good bit, it held my interest the whole way so the consistency was good, it provokes good conversation as well, good work. Good words make good work
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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I enjoyed this piece a good bit, it held my interest the whole way so the consistency was good, it provokes good conversation as well, good work. Good words make good work
Comment Written 05-May-2018
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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They sure do. and words are available to everyone, but only writers try to string them together to form a unique perspective. Thanks for the review.
