Short Stories and Flash
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Homeless"Misc Fiction
7 total reviews
Comment from sandragee
I was picturing someone a lot older and not so innocent. You had me fooled until the end. A nice piece of flash fiction with lines like 'To be cast out unceremoniously, without notice, and so discourteously, is beyond the pale, if you ask me' and 'I just want to cry.' Well-written and a great title too.
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I was picturing someone a lot older and not so innocent. You had me fooled until the end. A nice piece of flash fiction with lines like 'To be cast out unceremoniously, without notice, and so discourteously, is beyond the pale, if you ask me' and 'I just want to cry.' Well-written and a great title too.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2018
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello michaelcahill
Your title of your flash fiction drew me in to read about being homeless wondering who was talking and describing what in the world will I do when
I gasp at my first glimpse of my new surroundings. They are raucous and overly bright, blinding to be candid. I just want to cry
Now I know by your last three words.
Gert
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Hello michaelcahill
Your title of your flash fiction drew me in to read about being homeless wondering who was talking and describing what in the world will I do when
I gasp at my first glimpse of my new surroundings. They are raucous and overly bright, blinding to be candid. I just want to cry
Now I know by your last three words.
Gert
Comment Written 18-Apr-2018
Comment from Jm4805
This made me laugh, the twist at the end took away my expectation from the title. Seems like we did all lose that home and have to become survivors in such a bright and wide world.
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This made me laugh, the twist at the end took away my expectation from the title. Seems like we did all lose that home and have to become survivors in such a bright and wide world.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 150 Words Flash Fiction writing prompt.
You've managed a complete story in 150 words.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
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I think this is a good entry for the 150 Words Flash Fiction writing prompt.
You've managed a complete story in 150 words.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
Comment from Poetic Friend
What a creative approach to describe a baby entrance to this world! To the baby, he may be unaware of his impact, but to most parents, a baby is greatest joy in the world.
I often wonder what a baby's first thought is when he/she enters the world. Your story captures that moment creatively and precisely.
Good luck in the contest.
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What a creative approach to describe a baby entrance to this world! To the baby, he may be unaware of his impact, but to most parents, a baby is greatest joy in the world.
I often wonder what a baby's first thought is when he/she enters the world. Your story captures that moment creatively and precisely.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Very well done. A fun perspective of a baby thoughts after birth. I don't doubt many feel this way. They had such a cozy space and are thrust into so much brightness and everyone want to hold and touch. I saw no errors and have no suggestions for improvement. It very good as it. Hope you do well in the contest.
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Very well done. A fun perspective of a baby thoughts after birth. I don't doubt many feel this way. They had such a cozy space and are thrust into so much brightness and everyone want to hold and touch. I saw no errors and have no suggestions for improvement. It very good as it. Hope you do well in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Michael, I didn't guess what was coming in that ending. I really like your poetry, you manage to produce work that is different and not run of the mill. You should do well in the flash fiction contest, as this has all the hallmarks of a flash fiction, especially with that great ending.
Thanks for sharing your poetry, Ana.
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Hello Michael, I didn't guess what was coming in that ending. I really like your poetry, you manage to produce work that is different and not run of the mill. You should do well in the flash fiction contest, as this has all the hallmarks of a flash fiction, especially with that great ending.
Thanks for sharing your poetry, Ana.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018