Shadows in the Mist
Remember the fallen in all wars.16 total reviews
Comment from mermaids
I like the image of the ghost soldiers in your poem. You remind the reader of veterans everywhere you gave their lives up and sacrificed for freedom. Excellent poem.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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I like the image of the ghost soldiers in your poem. You remind the reader of veterans everywhere you gave their lives up and sacrificed for freedom. Excellent poem.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
g'day from Oz! Thanks so much for reading and yes, we will remember them. Love, Kay.
Comment from RGstar
Good write Aussie. I like the short thrusts of the lines...impactful.
Like the reasoning behind it.
A little thing;
"Marching cadets, music doth play"
Take away the 'doth'
the rest not in character with archaic and can taint the readers appetite for the rest. I might use;
"Marching cadets--music they play"
Nice write Aussie.
By the way, thank you so much for the comment in POM.
Best wishes.
Great write.
RG
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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Good write Aussie. I like the short thrusts of the lines...impactful.
Like the reasoning behind it.
A little thing;
"Marching cadets, music doth play"
Take away the 'doth'
the rest not in character with archaic and can taint the readers appetite for the rest. I might use;
"Marching cadets--music they play"
Nice write Aussie.
By the way, thank you so much for the comment in POM.
Best wishes.
Great write.
RG
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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G'day RG, Thank you for sorting me out! Took ages to bring it together, thought about the old English (cause I love it) I will use your suggestion my friend. Age may not weary them but it sure does weary me! Love, Kace.
Comment from Sasha
This is so beautifully written it bought tears to my eyes. The photograph added intensity to this heart wrenching poem. I remember going to the WWII memorial where my Uncle's name was engraved. He died in a kamikaze attack in the South Pacific and his body was never recovered. I remember my mother always pinning a red poppy to my lapel and for some reason it made me feel so proud of my Uncle. lovely work with this and thanks for reminding me of the Uncle I never met. You write such marvelous historical poetry about your beautiful country. Keep them coming. I enjoy them immensely even though some do make me cry.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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This is so beautifully written it bought tears to my eyes. The photograph added intensity to this heart wrenching poem. I remember going to the WWII memorial where my Uncle's name was engraved. He died in a kamikaze attack in the South Pacific and his body was never recovered. I remember my mother always pinning a red poppy to my lapel and for some reason it made me feel so proud of my Uncle. lovely work with this and thanks for reminding me of the Uncle I never met. You write such marvelous historical poetry about your beautiful country. Keep them coming. I enjoy them immensely even though some do make me cry.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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Hello my friend Sasha. My dad served in New Guinea for three years, he did come home. From your review, I am feeling glad I wrote this (took ages to get it to rhyme) so thank you buddy. Love, Kay.
Comment from Pamusart
This is a good entry for the contest. I love this phrase. Brilliant.
"Ghostly soldiers from mist appear
Boy drummer, soundless tune
Bumfluff ghosts shed no tear
Waiting for waning moon"
Wonderful. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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This is a good entry for the contest. I love this phrase. Brilliant.
"Ghostly soldiers from mist appear
Boy drummer, soundless tune
Bumfluff ghosts shed no tear
Waiting for waning moon"
Wonderful. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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G'day my friend. So pleased you liked my poem (took ages to get it to rhyme) bless you for your kind wishes. XXK.
Comment from Cass Carlton
As a fellow Australian I salute you and applaud your splendid words. No, we must NOT forget. We must always remember what horrors war brings. what damage and destruction. Not only of cities and countries, but of the minds and spirits of the people who go into the maw of Hell and return to remember and relive it every day and night for the rest of their lives. The face of the young soldier in the picture is beautiful. So clear eyed, so innocent, so dearly loved. I wonder what his story was. Did he come back home to Australia? Or did he fall in battle and lays now in some place far from home. Vale brave son Vale Well done Cass
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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As a fellow Australian I salute you and applaud your splendid words. No, we must NOT forget. We must always remember what horrors war brings. what damage and destruction. Not only of cities and countries, but of the minds and spirits of the people who go into the maw of Hell and return to remember and relive it every day and night for the rest of their lives. The face of the young soldier in the picture is beautiful. So clear eyed, so innocent, so dearly loved. I wonder what his story was. Did he come back home to Australia? Or did he fall in battle and lays now in some place far from home. Vale brave son Vale Well done Cass
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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Hello Cass, Your review almost brought tears to my eyes. Yes, the photo of the boy-soldier and his beautiful eyes grabbed me too. Perhaps "Known only to God." Thank you my friend. XXK.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Aussie, a lovely poem for the rhyming contest. Best of luck with this very descriptive and emotional poem. I loved it, and with ANZAC day approaching, it is very apt. I saw no errors, just lovely poetry, and thanks for sharing it, Ana.
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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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Hello Aussie, a lovely poem for the rhyming contest. Best of luck with this very descriptive and emotional poem. I loved it, and with ANZAC day approaching, it is very apt. I saw no errors, just lovely poetry, and thanks for sharing it, Ana.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2018
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Hello my friend Ana, Thank you for reading and so pleased you appreciated my efforts (took me ages to get it to rhyme.)
Shalom, Kay. XX
