Comment from Alexander Vasa

Excellent

Hello, I like the title, 'Loophole', it is catchy. This is a good additional chapter. Pacey dialogue and your characters are easy to imagine. The only thing I noticed, apart from a few stray commas, is this:

2 detectives try solving murder mystrey

Try: Two detectives trying to solve a murder mystery.

Thanks, Ana.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2018

Thank you, Ana, for reviewing chapter six of my first murder mystery. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for the compliments about the dialogue and characters.
I like the title, 'Loophole' very much. It's the title of my novel and has nothing to do with FOW Play. How it got mixed up with this post, I have no idea.
Thanks for the logline suggestion.
Marv

Comment from Pamusart

Excellent

This is well written and was an enjoyable read. It ended too fast! I have not see any previous chapters, but I look forward to the next one. Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2018

Thank you for stopping by, Pam. I appreciate your compliments and the high rating.
I hope you're not too confused by the title and chapter mix-ups. As far as ending too fast, I try not to burden readers with a post that is too long.
Marv

Comment from emptypage

Excellent

So, Marvin, which is it???

You wrote:

"Never mind. Where is your office and don't tell me it's in the bank?"

"It's in the back."

In the bank? In the back? LOL. Somewhere is a typo....

Where in hell did the teller go?? Accomplice???

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

It's not a typo. Her office is in the back. There's a wall behind the teller's windows where several offices are located.
The teller is lying on the floor where she fell after being shot. This was written in chapter 5, titled FOW Play, the title which FS rejected for this post. I don't blame you if don't want to look for it.
Thanks for reviewing and the high rating.
Marv

Comment from pome lover

Excellent

whoa! killer chapter ending.
cannot imagine what you've got up your "sleuthful" sleeve.
have to ask, why was zito "hanging on for dear life?"
also, you keep changing the name of your story. Is that what "Call it whatever you want" refers to?
Katharine - pome lover

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thank you my Killer Editor. I hope whatever is up my sleuve is worth the journey.
Zito (See the first paragraph.)
I tried 'Crime in the Suburbs' and 'FOW Play' and FS rejected both. So I tried the only logical title I could think of and it worked. When I told someone about it, they laughed their head off.
Thanks for reviewing and all your help.
Marv

reply by pome lover on 18-Mar-2018

Marvelous Marv -
I don't see how FS can reject your titles. What does Tom say?

Comment from Debbie Pope

Excellent

I am liking this, Marvin. Your detectives seem rather bungling and endearing. I like how most of the story is dialogue. That always makes for a better read in my opinion.I love Rose Ann's comment about her duties as a secretary and Amanda's remark that she could only imagine all of Rose Ann's duties. It is a cute story, Marvin. Good luck.

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 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thank you, Debbie. Sorry about the change of title. FS wouldn't permit either of the previous titles.
I enjoy writing writing dialogue. It's more flexible and fun to write, whether serious or humorous.
'a cute story,' is nice to hear.
Is your spelling of Rose Ann more popular?
Thanks for everything.
Marv

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

This speaks a reality, in course of investigation, man is man, whatever the occupation he keeps, there is always a feeling of fate, one tries to reach a result, events go on happening, problems comes, changes are compulsory, some questions remain unsolved; well written, well done. B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER -- DR ALCREATOR

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 Comment Written 17-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2018

Thanks for reviewing. I appreciate your support.
There's a good ways to go yet, so I hope you hang on.
I'm very happy that you think this story is well written and well done. It means a lot coming from you.
Marv