JoJo
What would his fate be?9 total reviews
Comment from Beck Fenton
What a sad story you've given us with your little faithful to the end... Jojo. I can see the action very clearly and I can imagine his grief. Very unusual take on the prompt. I wish you well in this contest.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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What a sad story you've given us with your little faithful to the end... Jojo. I can see the action very clearly and I can imagine his grief. Very unusual take on the prompt. I wish you well in this contest.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from karenina
You laid out this writers prompt with a TKO! Excellent representation of JoJo from first sentence to last. Not a rapscallion out to perform high jinx, but a desperate dog on a mission we sadly learn is too late...hard to invest the reader in 150 words or less, but you've done it! This story will haunt me for the rest of the day!
Karenina
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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You laid out this writers prompt with a TKO! Excellent representation of JoJo from first sentence to last. Not a rapscallion out to perform high jinx, but a desperate dog on a mission we sadly learn is too late...hard to invest the reader in 150 words or less, but you've done it! This story will haunt me for the rest of the day!
Karenina
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Introduce Your Main Character writing prompt.
Well written and well told. Jojo's character is clear.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Introduce Your Main Character writing prompt.
Well written and well told. Jojo's character is clear.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from DALLAS01
Enjoyed reading your opening. It made me want to read on. Making an animal your main character is creative. As a matter of fact, it makes your entry stand out.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Enjoyed reading your opening. It made me want to read on. Making an animal your main character is creative. As a matter of fact, it makes your entry stand out.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from ServantOfGod
Poor dog, I really wish he ends up well somehow in the end. The character was well thought out and introduced in this passage. Thank you for your post and wish you all the best. -ServantOfGod
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Poor dog, I really wish he ends up well somehow in the end. The character was well thought out and introduced in this passage. Thank you for your post and wish you all the best. -ServantOfGod
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from robina1978
A lovely photo of a mongrel dog, that complements your short story introducing two main characters. JoJo stole a bit of bread and ran off. He had not eaten for three days-poor dog. Then he finds Hobo Bill. He hugged against his bosses corpse. I think Jojo is the protagonist ad his boss the antagonist. Sorry, not sure a bout this. No changes needed. Good write Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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A lovely photo of a mongrel dog, that complements your short story introducing two main characters. JoJo stole a bit of bread and ran off. He had not eaten for three days-poor dog. Then he finds Hobo Bill. He hugged against his bosses corpse. I think Jojo is the protagonist ad his boss the antagonist. Sorry, not sure a bout this. No changes needed. Good write Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent writing, my friend. Your character is well defined in this short writing. Your choice of artwork is perfect. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. This one has the earmarks of a winner.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Excellent writing, my friend. Your character is well defined in this short writing. Your choice of artwork is perfect. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. This one has the earmarks of a winner.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from mbroyles2
We get a good look at Jojo and see that he is off on a new journey without the benefit of a master.
Many adventures wait.
Great introduction!
Michael
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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We get a good look at Jojo and see that he is off on a new journey without the benefit of a master.
Many adventures wait.
Great introduction!
Michael
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from Purpleflower
hello, I enjoyed reading this. firstly, I love the words used throughout, the way you have described the dog taking the warm loaf of bread scurrying out of the door. I can just tell even before reading on that the dog was desperate for food. I like how you described the guy in the bakery, as a codger. I found myself feeling sad for both Jojo and hobo bill, and i can just tell how much jojo adored hobo , a heartwarming but sad start to a story . as i read the ending i am interested to know what Jojo's fate will be.. good start to the story, however, i would say bring in a little information about hobo, perhaps the type of dog he is or maybe the old mans face could be detailed, was he angry at the dog taking a loaf of bread or maybe he just felt sorry for Jojo . overall tho , i really like this
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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hello, I enjoyed reading this. firstly, I love the words used throughout, the way you have described the dog taking the warm loaf of bread scurrying out of the door. I can just tell even before reading on that the dog was desperate for food. I like how you described the guy in the bakery, as a codger. I found myself feeling sad for both Jojo and hobo bill, and i can just tell how much jojo adored hobo , a heartwarming but sad start to a story . as i read the ending i am interested to know what Jojo's fate will be.. good start to the story, however, i would say bring in a little information about hobo, perhaps the type of dog he is or maybe the old mans face could be detailed, was he angry at the dog taking a loaf of bread or maybe he just felt sorry for Jojo . overall tho , i really like this
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Appreciate the review, however, I will allow the story to stand as written.