Comment from Artasylum

Exceptional

This was stunning. Your tragically beautiful verse captures moment by moment horrors for individual and group fears and sadly realities. Pitch Perfect. I'm just returning to the site after a five years break and am happy to be back reading and writing once again... DJ

 Comment Written 09-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018

Thank you Artasylum. Welcome back.

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Yes, my friend. Always traumatic to even think through this. The form helps to highlight the anxiety with help of the repeating line or phrase.
Gives another dimension.
Well done.
My best wishes Treischel
RG

 Comment Written 09-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018

Thank you RG for this insightful review.

reply by RGstar on 11-Mar-2018

Hi, Treischel
Just to let you know that my new work will be released in about an hour's time. I am telling you this as you are one of my fans and it will not appear in your mailbox again as it was released early by the system, unfinished, and was deleted, and will not show released again in your mailbox, but you can now read it, if you are interested to do so, and it suits your ear... with curtesy, not for the sake of stars, just the option of knowing it is available, than not knowing. It will be also on the front page.
My best wishes. :) Have a beautiful Sunday

reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018

Hi RG. Yes, I remember being disappointed that it was deleted. I am definitely interested. So, I'll go have a look after I finish posting mine.

Comment from Mrs. KT

Excellent

Hello Treischel,
What an effective and sublime poetic format to employ to share with readers the horrors of the massacre in Florida. Incredibly effective and moving. It radiates the insanity of the situation...and I imagine, the supplication of "Oh, Oh MY GOD" how could this have happened?

Thank you for sharing ...
diane

 Comment Written 09-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018

Thank you Diane. I like you description that it radiates. I appreciate the review and your comments.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Yes there is no "better" event than the recent shootings at that school recently, for the projection of this articulate reminder of that event. The most moving thing to me was the protestations of the students, despite strong resistance by the gun lobby and cronies, their voice is getting weaker, even the most hardline gun philosopher is being drowned in the clamour, I wrote a poem back in the days of Columbine, gun laws were introduced here in 1996 after a killer shot and killed 35 men women and children here. Well done brilliantly highlighting

 Comment Written 09-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018

Thank you Roy. Yes, I remember Columbine well.

reply by royowen on 09-Mar-2018

Well done

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

This is a sad poem and those words ring in my ears with this tragic write and the panic and mayhem one person can cause and the lasting effects to friends and family forever, a profound write, love Dolly x

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 09-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018

Thank you Dolly. It is so tragic.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Tom,
This is a perfect form to emphasize the helplessness & horror of that day in Parkland.

Your bold repeated line is awesome in a sad way. The lines that follow show how the event unfolded & reactions as it did.

Thanks for the great notes. Jan

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 09-Mar-2018

---

reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018

Thank you Jan. I like your comment about the format impact. It was so tragic that it hard not to be moved.