Last Kiss
Hospice workers are special strangers in the home.9 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
The reader holder their breath as they read, "It feels like the house is holding its breath." You are playing to the readers preconceptions believing this will be an older person. there is a surprise element when the mother suddenly makes a unexpected appearance . This reader thought nthe mother would be in the bed. then the mind goes to. "it must be the father in the bed" And then we find out it is a child. How poignant an ending. Well written. And you did this in 100 words!
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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The reader holder their breath as they read, "It feels like the house is holding its breath." You are playing to the readers preconceptions believing this will be an older person. there is a surprise element when the mother suddenly makes a unexpected appearance . This reader thought nthe mother would be in the bed. then the mind goes to. "it must be the father in the bed" And then we find out it is a child. How poignant an ending. Well written. And you did this in 100 words!
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Thank you, Liz.
Comment from Bill Schott
This eighty-eight-word story, Last Kiss, misses the word count by quite a bit. I don,t see a requirement in the challenge for 'exactly one hundred words', but that's what the competition did. Still, a poignant story that fits the theme.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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This eighty-eight-word story, Last Kiss, misses the word count by quite a bit. I don,t see a requirement in the challenge for 'exactly one hundred words', but that's what the competition did. Still, a poignant story that fits the theme.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the comments and the stars. I appreciate both.
Comment from Susan Burger
Hi Beck!
We were very close in the 100 word dash competition and I can see why. Your story is so touching. And a tribute to the amazing presence Hospice workers are for" their families." It takes a special spirit to do such work and do it well.
I was just looking at your profile next to your work. Let me say I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I see where the inspiration came for this heartbreaking story.
My best friend lost her son. He was not my blood, but he was and is my nephew always. I don't think most people understand the way losing a child changes you forever. May you have many fond memories with your daughter to hold close. And in those moments, where the overwhelming reality hits you like again like a ton of bricks, I pray for you that you only stay there for a short while, and put that emotion into your writing-as you obviously do!
Thanks for sharing you beautiful work with us at FanStory. Take care and best wishes. ~ Susan Burger
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Hi Beck!
We were very close in the 100 word dash competition and I can see why. Your story is so touching. And a tribute to the amazing presence Hospice workers are for" their families." It takes a special spirit to do such work and do it well.
I was just looking at your profile next to your work. Let me say I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. I see where the inspiration came for this heartbreaking story.
My best friend lost her son. He was not my blood, but he was and is my nephew always. I don't think most people understand the way losing a child changes you forever. May you have many fond memories with your daughter to hold close. And in those moments, where the overwhelming reality hits you like again like a ton of bricks, I pray for you that you only stay there for a short while, and put that emotion into your writing-as you obviously do!
Thanks for sharing you beautiful work with us at FanStory. Take care and best wishes. ~ Susan Burger
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Susan. Writing has saved my sanity.
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Well I am glad you have found writing to help save your sanity and to share with us :-)
Susan
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Thanks. (((hugs))) to you, my friend.
Comment from The kurlman
A wonderful sensitive subject that was written with compassion and love. I knew this story was going to touch my heart from the first word. The kurlman
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
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A wonderful sensitive subject that was written with compassion and love. I knew this story was going to touch my heart from the first word. The kurlman
Comment Written 09-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your comments and the stars. I appreciate both.
Comment from Mary Hollingsworth
What a touching story I loved it and the picture just so very well add to the atmosphere of sadness that this story suggests. Staying the same as the hospice worker walks in and then for the hospice worker to kiss the patient before they close their eyes in death was so dramatic and touching. Five stars very well earned.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
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What a touching story I loved it and the picture just so very well add to the atmosphere of sadness that this story suggests. Staying the same as the hospice worker walks in and then for the hospice worker to kiss the patient before they close their eyes in death was so dramatic and touching. Five stars very well earned.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
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Thank you for your comments and the stars. I appreciate both.
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Absolutely
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Thank you for your kind comments and the stars. I appreciate both.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello,
This is both sad and beautiful. It is lovely that you would kiss one of the littlest patients goodbye. I hope you never had to do that, and from your author's notes, I reckon I'm wrong.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
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Hello,
This is both sad and beautiful. It is lovely that you would kiss one of the littlest patients goodbye. I hope you never had to do that, and from your author's notes, I reckon I'm wrong.
Good luck.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
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Yes, I've kissed a patient after they have passed. It's bittersweet to know they are free from the painful illness, but I know how much they will be missed.
Thank you for your comments and the stars. I appreciate both.
Comment from Sherman541
Perfect picture for this story! Written very nicely keeping the reader wanting more in such a few words. This is a beautiful and very heartfelt story of love and death. So sad to lose a child to any disease. Good Luck and Best Wishes in the Contest! Sherman541
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2018
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Perfect picture for this story! Written very nicely keeping the reader wanting more in such a few words. This is a beautiful and very heartfelt story of love and death. So sad to lose a child to any disease. Good Luck and Best Wishes in the Contest! Sherman541
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2018
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Thank you very much for your comments and the six stars. Today is my daughter's birthday. She would have been 51. I was her caregiver until she passed when she was 36.
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You are so welcome :) I am so sorry to hear of your great loss so many years ago. May God be with you and keep you always :)
Comment from RodG
This could be a very poignant story if you allowed us to see the patient and SHOW us rather than tell us how the nurse responded. I realize you only have 100 words to work with. Perhaps you could condense the opening where you set the scene.
"Walking toward the bed, The silence weighs . . ..". This is a dangling modifier. Did the "silence"do the walking.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2018
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This could be a very poignant story if you allowed us to see the patient and SHOW us rather than tell us how the nurse responded. I realize you only have 100 words to work with. Perhaps you could condense the opening where you set the scene.
"Walking toward the bed, The silence weighs . . ..". This is a dangling modifier. Did the "silence"do the walking.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2018
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Very good points. I appreciate them. I always want to do better.
Comment from Sugarray77
This is heart wrenching and I applaud you on such a poignant story in such a few words. My mom was put into hospice a few weeks ago. They are wonderful, but it is so very sad. Thanks for this good story.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2018
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This is heart wrenching and I applaud you on such a poignant story in such a few words. My mom was put into hospice a few weeks ago. They are wonderful, but it is so very sad. Thanks for this good story.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2018
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Thanks and a virtual hug for you.
