A Life Of Silent Cries
The children suffer most.86 total reviews
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
What a terribly sad comment on the results of war, the descriptive phrases invoking great sympathy for the deplorable condition of the child. Each line is heavy with the pain and loss war brings.
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What a terribly sad comment on the results of war, the descriptive phrases invoking great sympathy for the deplorable condition of the child. Each line is heavy with the pain and loss war brings.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2023
Comment from Boogienights
Wow, this is an incredibly well written powerful piece. Reading your words made me choke up. Children should never suffer. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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Wow, this is an incredibly well written powerful piece. Reading your words made me choke up. Children should never suffer. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2023
Comment from w.j.debi
What a sad tale. It is too common in the world. Why don't we care for others as we should? I have no answers.
This is well presented in rhyme and meter.
Much to ponder here.
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What a sad tale. It is too common in the world. Why don't we care for others as we should? I have no answers.
This is well presented in rhyme and meter.
Much to ponder here.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2023
Comment from Kerry L Batchelder
I would give you more stars if I could. This really depicts the tragedy of war and the effect it has on people. So very touching and so well put. Also very sad, raising many emotions I would find hard to bear if I were there.
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I would give you more stars if I could. This really depicts the tragedy of war and the effect it has on people. So very touching and so well put. Also very sad, raising many emotions I would find hard to bear if I were there.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2023
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is such a sad poem, but unfortunately in too many places it is a fact of life. An everyday sight. Which should shame us all. We live in a cruel world. Your poetry always hits a chord, it always sends a powerful message of what life is like. Well done. :) Sandra xx
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That is such a sad poem, but unfortunately in too many places it is a fact of life. An everyday sight. Which should shame us all. We live in a cruel world. Your poetry always hits a chord, it always sends a powerful message of what life is like. Well done. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 18-Mar-2023
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your vivid descriptions make a lasting impression in the minds of your readers. Again, I missed this poem the first time around. Thank you for reposting it. This poem should be read by everyone supporting war.
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Your vivid descriptions make a lasting impression in the minds of your readers. Again, I missed this poem the first time around. Thank you for reposting it. This poem should be read by everyone supporting war.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2023
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Wow. There is darkness and then vanta black where the soul transit space with a sun or moon or stars.
Where did you cull these images from, hopefully not Vietnam or Ethiopia.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2023
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Wow. There is darkness and then vanta black where the soul transit space with a sun or moon or stars.
Where did you cull these images from, hopefully not Vietnam or Ethiopia.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2023
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Vietnam Tom. '66 through '68. Wrote this on the plane home. Thank you sir. easy
Comment from Joy Graham
Oh my, I can picture the child you speak of. How sad. We are so fortunate compared to some. I wish we could give aid directly to individuals, such as starving children as you mention here. But, they require medical treatment and special diet because of their state of starvation.
You get a six because you made my heart ache.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Oh my, I can picture the child you speak of. How sad. We are so fortunate compared to some. I wish we could give aid directly to individuals, such as starving children as you mention here. But, they require medical treatment and special diet because of their state of starvation.
You get a six because you made my heart ache.
Joy xx
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Wow, Joy, thank you very much for this outstanding review. I am honored you enjoyed this write. Thanks again Joy. tom
Comment from Pantygynt
Unfortunately a familiar sight in too manyt parts of the world. This childs plight is superbly described in alternately rhyming quatrains of iambic tetrameters. The final line of the second stanza is an exception to this pattern, its final line cut short, reflecting the life of the subject of the poem. This trimetric line pulls us up with a jolt, forcing us to give some thought to the content of this excellently written piece of simple but effective poetry.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Unfortunately a familiar sight in too manyt parts of the world. This childs plight is superbly described in alternately rhyming quatrains of iambic tetrameters. The final line of the second stanza is an exception to this pattern, its final line cut short, reflecting the life of the subject of the poem. This trimetric line pulls us up with a jolt, forcing us to give some thought to the content of this excellently written piece of simple but effective poetry.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Thank you Pantygynt. Most honored. tom
Comment from rama devi
WOW> This is awesome. So intense and impacting. Dramatic, masterfully penned, well rhymed and timed and near-flawless. Wish I had a six. Just one suggestion noted below, along with a ton of applause. I am not noting each individual nuance on phrasing with alliteration, assonance and consonance, but I applaud them all. Favorite stanzas are the first and last. The first drew me in. The last has a potent AHA.
Loved reading the first one aloud, with all the L and S sounds The phonetics are fantastic and well-coupled with vivid imagery:
This child alone is like a stone
Supine in silent stupor there.
His leathered skin stretched over bone
And belly swelled in hunger's prayer.
*all other lines have four beats in iambic footprints, but this line only has three:
To life of silent cries.
Suggest adding in a two-syllable descriptive word. Example:
To torpid life of silent cries.
POIGNANT and intense:
As strangers pass they toss him coins
That sink into the rancid street.
POWERFUL:
Each shallow gasp the child can take
Produces rattled rales of death;
No focused thought his mind can make
Beyond the struggle for each breath.
Breathtaking (literally) closing stanza:
Corrosive eyes reveal the past,
His family wiped out by war,
This child now joins them all, at last,
As strangers toss him coins no more.
A virtual six. Bravo. This did not require artwork or photo because your poem itself generated a vivid portrait of suffering in the mind's eye.
Warmly, rd
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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WOW> This is awesome. So intense and impacting. Dramatic, masterfully penned, well rhymed and timed and near-flawless. Wish I had a six. Just one suggestion noted below, along with a ton of applause. I am not noting each individual nuance on phrasing with alliteration, assonance and consonance, but I applaud them all. Favorite stanzas are the first and last. The first drew me in. The last has a potent AHA.
Loved reading the first one aloud, with all the L and S sounds The phonetics are fantastic and well-coupled with vivid imagery:
This child alone is like a stone
Supine in silent stupor there.
His leathered skin stretched over bone
And belly swelled in hunger's prayer.
*all other lines have four beats in iambic footprints, but this line only has three:
To life of silent cries.
Suggest adding in a two-syllable descriptive word. Example:
To torpid life of silent cries.
POIGNANT and intense:
As strangers pass they toss him coins
That sink into the rancid street.
POWERFUL:
Each shallow gasp the child can take
Produces rattled rales of death;
No focused thought his mind can make
Beyond the struggle for each breath.
Breathtaking (literally) closing stanza:
Corrosive eyes reveal the past,
His family wiped out by war,
This child now joins them all, at last,
As strangers toss him coins no more.
A virtual six. Bravo. This did not require artwork or photo because your poem itself generated a vivid portrait of suffering in the mind's eye.
Warmly, rd
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 30-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Thank you sis. tom
