A Life Of Silent Cries
The children suffer most.86 total reviews
Comment from Caroline M England
A very evocative poem. I can see and feel the buzzing of the flies instantly and the level of despair engendered by the passive act of stupor. The description of the swollen belly is also beautiful and heartbreaking.
It is harsh and accurate and the slightly detached telling of the story reinforces the lack of interest from passers by and the world in general and reinforces your point.
It is extremely well crafted with lovely use of words and perfect rhythm. This seems so obvious that it doesn't need saying - but I shall, for want of something relevant to say! Lovely.
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A very evocative poem. I can see and feel the buzzing of the flies instantly and the level of despair engendered by the passive act of stupor. The description of the swollen belly is also beautiful and heartbreaking.
It is harsh and accurate and the slightly detached telling of the story reinforces the lack of interest from passers by and the world in general and reinforces your point.
It is extremely well crafted with lovely use of words and perfect rhythm. This seems so obvious that it doesn't need saying - but I shall, for want of something relevant to say! Lovely.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, God, I know... What is happening in other parts of the world is horrific. Your powerhouse of a poem should be tattooed into the minds of those rich enough to do more than pay lip service to their concern.
Need I say it? The alliteration, flawless meter, the mental imagery this evokes, all of it deserves a six-star rating, I just don't have any sixes left this week.
OUTSTANDING!!!!*********************************************!!!!!!!!
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Oh, God, I know... What is happening in other parts of the world is horrific. Your powerhouse of a poem should be tattooed into the minds of those rich enough to do more than pay lip service to their concern.
Need I say it? The alliteration, flawless meter, the mental imagery this evokes, all of it deserves a six-star rating, I just don't have any sixes left this week.
OUTSTANDING!!!!*********************************************!!!!!!!!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
Comment from QC Poet
This tells the horrid things all children in wars go through and so many do not survive a sad truth of our and other nations history of conflicts and conquests. Thank you for Speaking Truth for the War Children that cannot.
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This tells the horrid things all children in wars go through and so many do not survive a sad truth of our and other nations history of conflicts and conquests. Thank you for Speaking Truth for the War Children that cannot.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
Comment from BenThrone
It is true, children are the most vulnerable members of society and always suffer most in times of hardship and conflict. The first stanza truly gripped me:
This child is like a stone
Supine in silent stupor there.
His leather skin stretched over bone
And belly swelled by hunger's prayer.
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It is true, children are the most vulnerable members of society and always suffer most in times of hardship and conflict. The first stanza truly gripped me:
This child is like a stone
Supine in silent stupor there.
His leather skin stretched over bone
And belly swelled by hunger's prayer.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wonderful. I love your word choices. The flow of your poem is excellent. And the rhyme is natural with each word seeming to be a natural choice. The descriptions were wonderful (especially the third stanza). Loved it!
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Wonderful. I love your word choices. The flow of your poem is excellent. And the rhyme is natural with each word seeming to be a natural choice. The descriptions were wonderful (especially the third stanza). Loved it!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2024
Comment from Paul Manton
Thank you Everett, for this challenging but ultimately tragic poem.
Iambic tetrameter, quatrains with abab rhyme - as faultless as usual, telling/describing the appalling story of a child in the direst of circumstances with no light whatever at the end of the tunnel - unless you can see in his death, an end to all suffering and (for believers) a secure home in a much better world.
But, as one of those believers, I am not at all surprised by Marx's famous quote:'Religion is the opium of the masses!' And, too often in the past, the hope of heaven became the excuse to neglect the earth - and particularly the most disadvantaged.
Since then however, Christian (and other) charities have spent billions of dollars and delivered thousands of aid workers to alleviate the needy - and although we are woefully short of eliminating poverty and starvation, we are light years ahead of Victorian ignorance. Your dying child would have been discovered by Mother Theresa and nurtured, healed and educated more often than not. It is war that reverses this trend.
Usually your poems are so dense that I don't review them; perhaps others wouldn't, but I would need 30 minutes for each - this one is on my radar, having supported for some time, 'Samara Emergency Aid' (Syrian orphans and single mothers) and Unicef.
Technically, little to say - but although I see the idea, I am not convinced by 'prayer' in verse one. ( 'in hunger's lair', by hunger's fare' - you will find something better?) Finally I mention the best of uniformly excellent technique and vocabulary - the assonance and alliteration of verse 1 in particular; the cadence of the trimeter completing verse 2; sink into the 'rancid' street - great, descriptive word - engaging several senses at once;
'rattled rales of death' - great alliteration and a rare word, precisely used; a 'complete' though tragic ending. I thought you might go for another trimeter there.
As I look back through this, I remind myself why I don't usually review your poems: they're just too good!
sorry, no sixes left today.
Paul
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Thank you Everett, for this challenging but ultimately tragic poem.
Iambic tetrameter, quatrains with abab rhyme - as faultless as usual, telling/describing the appalling story of a child in the direst of circumstances with no light whatever at the end of the tunnel - unless you can see in his death, an end to all suffering and (for believers) a secure home in a much better world.
But, as one of those believers, I am not at all surprised by Marx's famous quote:'Religion is the opium of the masses!' And, too often in the past, the hope of heaven became the excuse to neglect the earth - and particularly the most disadvantaged.
Since then however, Christian (and other) charities have spent billions of dollars and delivered thousands of aid workers to alleviate the needy - and although we are woefully short of eliminating poverty and starvation, we are light years ahead of Victorian ignorance. Your dying child would have been discovered by Mother Theresa and nurtured, healed and educated more often than not. It is war that reverses this trend.
Usually your poems are so dense that I don't review them; perhaps others wouldn't, but I would need 30 minutes for each - this one is on my radar, having supported for some time, 'Samara Emergency Aid' (Syrian orphans and single mothers) and Unicef.
Technically, little to say - but although I see the idea, I am not convinced by 'prayer' in verse one. ( 'in hunger's lair', by hunger's fare' - you will find something better?) Finally I mention the best of uniformly excellent technique and vocabulary - the assonance and alliteration of verse 1 in particular; the cadence of the trimeter completing verse 2; sink into the 'rancid' street - great, descriptive word - engaging several senses at once;
'rattled rales of death' - great alliteration and a rare word, precisely used; a 'complete' though tragic ending. I thought you might go for another trimeter there.
As I look back through this, I remind myself why I don't usually review your poems: they're just too good!
sorry, no sixes left today.
Paul
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2023
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Paul, I've rarely, if ever, received a more passionate or erudite review on FS. Sometimes I write what is a base reaction to those claiming "god or gods" as their excuse to sooth their own need for reaffirmation of their particular faith. You, sir, express your strongly held belief with such conviction and broad assimilation that I am trutly impressed. From my perspective you are a true rarity and I appreciate both your faith and your understanding of verse. I thank you sir and look forward to others melding with your wisdom. Thank you Paul and stay well and safe in this unwell and dangerous world. With respect. easy
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Thanks, easy - coming from FanStory royalty, that's a hefty compliment I shall never forget.
Paul
Comment from Iza Deleanu
What a sad but such realistic picture. Last week I actually had a child coming at work clenching his tummy and crying of hunger. It was such a shocking image. I gave him some juice and ask my coworkers if any of them had some food.
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What a sad but such realistic picture. Last week I actually had a child coming at work clenching his tummy and crying of hunger. It was such a shocking image. I gave him some juice and ask my coworkers if any of them had some food.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
Comment from jacquelyn popp
This is a beautifully written poem, and thought provoking. Your words create such imagery, and yet also give me a feeling of sadness. War is such a terrible thing, and sad. Your poem is very well written, and I enjoyed reading it. Your poem is horrible and wonderful at the same time. Thank you for sharing.
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This is a beautifully written poem, and thought provoking. Your words create such imagery, and yet also give me a feeling of sadness. War is such a terrible thing, and sad. Your poem is very well written, and I enjoyed reading it. Your poem is horrible and wonderful at the same time. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2023
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Yikes. Bleak and dreary and excruciating...but so was his life, and we can't pretend it doesn't exist. Poets like you bring your creative talents to it and make people look and internalize what they don't want to see. That's brave, and I applaud you for it.
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Yikes. Bleak and dreary and excruciating...but so was his life, and we can't pretend it doesn't exist. Poets like you bring your creative talents to it and make people look and internalize what they don't want to see. That's brave, and I applaud you for it.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2023
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This scenes of " Black flies swarm all about his head
As pus drips from infected eyes.
Two eyes alive yet cold and dead
To life of silent cries." Is not what we want to see it happen in our country. Yet anything can happen in these days.
It is sad to see: " Corrosive eyes reveal the past,
His family wiped out by war,
This child now joins them all, at last,..."
Thank you for sharing.
Happy writing.
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This scenes of " Black flies swarm all about his head
As pus drips from infected eyes.
Two eyes alive yet cold and dead
To life of silent cries." Is not what we want to see it happen in our country. Yet anything can happen in these days.
It is sad to see: " Corrosive eyes reveal the past,
His family wiped out by war,
This child now joins them all, at last,..."
Thank you for sharing.
Happy writing.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2023
