Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Statements"All chapters
6 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
A good solid continuation.
Justine's a girls name - girls'.
had bushy eye brows - eyebrows can be a single word here.
When using paragraphs in the dialpgue, each paragraph needs opening speech marks but you only need one set of closing speech marks at the very end of the dialogue. Otherwise it looks as if someone else is speaking.
"Who calls the ambulance? - need closing speech marks here.
"I assume it's automatic, but I don't know how that works. - here as well.
"After the robber went outside, do you know what happened? - and here.
"You mean you heard the shot? - here, too.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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A good solid continuation.
Justine's a girls name - girls'.
had bushy eye brows - eyebrows can be a single word here.
When using paragraphs in the dialpgue, each paragraph needs opening speech marks but you only need one set of closing speech marks at the very end of the dialogue. Otherwise it looks as if someone else is speaking.
"Who calls the ambulance? - need closing speech marks here.
"I assume it's automatic, but I don't know how that works. - here as well.
"After the robber went outside, do you know what happened? - and here.
"You mean you heard the shot? - here, too.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Thanks for your review. Thanks for your generous rating despite the many careless typos.
Marv
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
An interesting write with a Hollywood style take on interviewing! I have taken police statements and they are never quite as glamorous as your scene here which has a lot more tension! I enjoyed your write, ove Dolly x
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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An interesting write with a Hollywood style take on interviewing! I have taken police statements and they are never quite as glamorous as your scene here which has a lot more tension! I enjoyed your write, ove Dolly x
Comment Written 26-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Hello Dolly
Thanks for dropping in.
I'm not sure what a Hollywood style interview is. Are you employed to do this part-time? Thanks for the many compliments.
Marv
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I was a policewoman some years ago and the interviews were very boring and formal, quite unlike your vibrant and interesting technique!
Comment from NaughtieScribe
Okay, first of this read went by way to fast. I needed more, much more. And second - Teller one is suspicious, something doesn't feel right about him. Other than my curiosity being woefully piqued, I found nothing to adjust or tweak. Well done.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Okay, first of this read went by way to fast. I needed more, much more. And second - Teller one is suspicious, something doesn't feel right about him. Other than my curiosity being woefully piqued, I found nothing to adjust or tweak. Well done.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Dear Naughtie:
Thanks for reviewing my murder mystery.
I'm never sure what amount of words is considered too many or too few, so I'll take it as a compliment that you thought there were too few in this post.
I wonder what doesn't feel right about Teller One.
Marv
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Teller One is sneaky and I don't trust him. I can't wait to read more and see if I'm write. As for the few words, I'm being greedy. I was so engaged the read went by too fast and left me hungry for more. So get back to work. lol
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a fast-paced, well-written very descriptive chapter. The plot moved along nicely, the dialogue seems natural and the characters came to life. Loved the bit of humor.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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This is a fast-paced, well-written very descriptive chapter. The plot moved along nicely, the dialogue seems natural and the characters came to life. Loved the bit of humor.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Misty, for this great review. I'm so glad you liked it. I can't help writing humor into most of my writing.
I'll check out your writing tomorrow.
Thanks again.
Marv
Comment from Gloria ....
Haaaaaaa, love that line, are you equals? no, I'm friendlier. That is hilarious, Marv. And friendliness is the real mark of a person's character.
lol. This is incredibly well-written and also enormously funny. If I didn't know better I'd say Teller number one is the robber.
Great job my friend.
Gloria
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Haaaaaaa, love that line, are you equals? no, I'm friendlier. That is hilarious, Marv. And friendliness is the real mark of a person's character.
lol. This is incredibly well-written and also enormously funny. If I didn't know better I'd say Teller number one is the robber.
Great job my friend.
Gloria
Comment Written 25-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Gloria, for your great review. Thanks for the many compliments. Your comments are very encouraging. I love having you as my best fan.
Marv
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks mystery with a touch of humour in two detectives, who shot who, what happens then; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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This speaks mystery with a touch of humour in two detectives, who shot who, what happens then; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 25-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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Thank you Alcreator Litt Dear for your great review of my Murder Mystery. It may not seam like a mystery at this point, but it is.
I can't get FS to let me title the story the way I want to. Very confusing. This story is called FOW Play. Chapter 4 is called Statements.
