First on the Scene
An EMT comes upon an accident scene.18 total reviews
Comment from damommy
How awful for that to happen. One of my sons is a paramedic. A friend of his ran on his own wife's car wreck. She was dead. The friend's wife, I mean.
Quite a ending. Very good.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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How awful for that to happen. One of my sons is a paramedic. A friend of his ran on his own wife's car wreck. She was dead. The friend's wife, I mean.
Quite a ending. Very good.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2018
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Your son's experience is quite tragic. Since this fiction and a contest entry, I hope that it would never become real for me.
Thank you for reading and the kind comments.
Blessings,
:)Brigitte
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well, you never know what's around the next bend. A coincidence here of strange proportions.
I'm an EMT,on my way over- need a space following the comma.
and verify your location- And, for the new sentence.
" The ambulance is pulling - spacing after the opening speech marks. (there are more instance of this as well)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
Well, you never know what's around the next bend. A coincidence here of strange proportions.
I'm an EMT,on my way over- need a space following the comma.
and verify your location- And, for the new sentence.
" The ambulance is pulling - spacing after the opening speech marks. (there are more instance of this as well)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much. I have edited, again; probably will have to do more. Also, added foreshadowing by having EMT on phone with his sister to begin the story.
Thank you for being so helpful.
Have a great day!
Brigitte
Comment from Dan Diego
(in the blind) This is a nice little story with a twist in the end. I wished there was a way to foreshadow the connection to his sister near the beginning of the story. Perhaps, have your MC on the phone with his sister and the accident interrupts the conversation. (??)
My notes:
You wrote: "I'm an EMT,on my way ...
I suggest: "I'm an EMT, on my way ... (add the space after the comma)
There were numerous other extra space (on no space) issues. You might want to do a line review for spacing.
If you did not know, you can edit a post, fix errors, and repost while it is still in play. I must edit mine ten times before it's all over.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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(in the blind) This is a nice little story with a twist in the end. I wished there was a way to foreshadow the connection to his sister near the beginning of the story. Perhaps, have your MC on the phone with his sister and the accident interrupts the conversation. (??)
My notes:
You wrote: "I'm an EMT,on my way ...
I suggest: "I'm an EMT, on my way ... (add the space after the comma)
There were numerous other extra space (on no space) issues. You might want to do a line review for spacing.
If you did not know, you can edit a post, fix errors, and repost while it is still in play. I must edit mine ten times before it's all over.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Thank you for reading and the helpful suggestions to make this better. I added foreshadowing. MC is on the phone with his sister in the beginning of the story.
Blessings and Thanks!
Brigitte
Comment from misscookie
Oh my goodness this was a surprise read
You captured my attention more ways then one.
First I thought this was going to be read that I couldn't sleep at night
Instead I found it personal an moving my daughter died February 6,2006
She left me a Valentine card on my dress.Wow!
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Oh my goodness this was a surprise read
You captured my attention more ways then one.
First I thought this was going to be read that I couldn't sleep at night
Instead I found it personal an moving my daughter died February 6,2006
She left me a Valentine card on my dress.Wow!
Thank you for sharing
Cookie
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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My sympathy on the loss of your daughter. I simply can not fathom the thought of losing a child. I hope that this was not too emotional for you to read. My intent was pure fictional and a contest entry.
Blessings and peace.
:)brigitte
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Your very welcome and there is no harm done in me reading your write
It only goes to show In fiction there a non fictional feeling in a story for some.
It was a good write
Cookie
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Thank you.
Brigitte
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You're very welcome and It was my pleasure.
Cookie
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A chilling write of horror here and a great entry into the Bloody Valentine contest, unfortunately these incidents can be all too true for some, best wishes, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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A chilling write of horror here and a great entry into the Bloody Valentine contest, unfortunately these incidents can be all too true for some, best wishes, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Thank you for reading and the lovely comments. I revere your support.
Have a great day!
:)Brigitte
Comment from cupa tea
You indeed played out the bloody valentine! Below you will find a minor correction which you can correct several different ways...Good Luck in the Contest!
" The ambulance is pulling up and the man is trying to move."
" The ambulance is pulling up; the man is trying to move."
" The ambulance is pulling up. The man is trying to move."
" The ambulance is pulling up(,) and the man is trying to move."
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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You indeed played out the bloody valentine! Below you will find a minor correction which you can correct several different ways...Good Luck in the Contest!
" The ambulance is pulling up and the man is trying to move."
" The ambulance is pulling up; the man is trying to move."
" The ambulance is pulling up. The man is trying to move."
" The ambulance is pulling up(,) and the man is trying to move."
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Thank you for reading and the the kind review. I edited the sentence to be correctly written. It was very observant for to notice this typo.
Have a great day!
:)Brigitte
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Bloody Valentine writing prompt.
Well done, you managed to get the bloody/blood stained valentine in there.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Bloody Valentine writing prompt.
Well done, you managed to get the bloody/blood stained valentine in there.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the read. I just changed the ending, it was addressed to his sister. I appreciate your kind comments.
:) Brigitte.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
How sad. Some woman's life was just destroyed. Not exactly a horror story... more like a heartbreaker. Such things happen, and life somehow goes on. Life was never meant to be easy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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How sad. Some woman's life was just destroyed. Not exactly a horror story... more like a heartbreaker. Such things happen, and life somehow goes on. Life was never meant to be easy.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you for the read and comments. I just changed the ending. It was addressed to his sister, I had left that sentence out.
I appreciate your comments. I am glad this was fiction because it was sad.
