empty beer bottles
For now we see through a glass, darkly.80 total reviews
Comment from Zue65
Hats off to you dear poet for this excellent piece. I really admire writers who can drive home their message in so short lines. The imagery is perfect made possible by the choice of words so effectively used in this Tanka. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Hats off to you dear poet for this excellent piece. I really admire writers who can drive home their message in so short lines. The imagery is perfect made possible by the choice of words so effectively used in this Tanka. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Oh, thank you, nassus1957, for generous review of my tanka. Yesterday, I walked out my door with pen and a notebook in hand. When I saw those beer bottles in a kitchen window, I wrote about them during the course of my two hour walk. Thanks again.
Comment from Dean Kuch
"Amber rays of grain"......for amber waves of grain.
Sounds familiar, Andre, and I can't help but believe there is some significance for the similarity.
Your tanka construction is flawless, composed in the better know 5-7-5-7-7 syllabic count the contest requirements call for.
I've read tanka with a syllable count of anywhere from 3-5-3-5-5, or just 21 syllables, all the way up to the more traditional 31 syllables, like yours.
I must admit to you, that old sing-a-long song, 99 bottles of beer on the wall resounded in my head as I read this.
Excellent work, my friend.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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"Amber rays of grain"......for amber waves of grain.
Sounds familiar, Andre, and I can't help but believe there is some significance for the similarity.
Your tanka construction is flawless, composed in the better know 5-7-5-7-7 syllabic count the contest requirements call for.
I've read tanka with a syllable count of anywhere from 3-5-3-5-5, or just 21 syllables, all the way up to the more traditional 31 syllables, like yours.
I must admit to you, that old sing-a-long song, 99 bottles of beer on the wall resounded in my head as I read this.
Excellent work, my friend.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Ha, Dean, 99 bottles of beer on the wall! I remember that song! But am glad I thought of "America the Beautiful." Thank you for your humorous and instructive review.
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You're more than welcome, Andre.
Well done!
~Dean ;)
Comment from James H. Oldfield
Very, very good, lovely use of words.
I like lines three and four particularly, a really good image.
Nothing at all to fault, very well done.
Take care.
-James
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Very, very good, lovely use of words.
I like lines three and four particularly, a really good image.
Nothing at all to fault, very well done.
Take care.
-James
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Yes, James, many reviewers are liking those lines. Thank you for your review and please take care as well.
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, Andre: I love the imagery that you used with these beer bottles. Your picture choice captured my attention right away but then your poem took me to past memories of my own collection of beer bottles. They were my own reality of that glint in my kitchen window that faded before my night's drinking.
There will be many who can relate so well with this poem. It is a genius way to point to this kind of reality in some lives. I remember when one of my brother-in-laws tore through my apartment looking for evidence of my bad habits. When he opened the cabinet under the sink I could see the satisfaction on his face as he found the large collection of beer bottles. It was his "Ah Ha!" moment. I hated him for this. It was none of his business, He was a cop but only my husband's brother as far as I was concerned. Who was he to tear through my home for anything.
Anyway, I did love this poem very much as i do all of your work. Please have a splendid day.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Good morning, Andre: I love the imagery that you used with these beer bottles. Your picture choice captured my attention right away but then your poem took me to past memories of my own collection of beer bottles. They were my own reality of that glint in my kitchen window that faded before my night's drinking.
There will be many who can relate so well with this poem. It is a genius way to point to this kind of reality in some lives. I remember when one of my brother-in-laws tore through my apartment looking for evidence of my bad habits. When he opened the cabinet under the sink I could see the satisfaction on his face as he found the large collection of beer bottles. It was his "Ah Ha!" moment. I hated him for this. It was none of his business, He was a cop but only my husband's brother as far as I was concerned. Who was he to tear through my home for anything.
Anyway, I did love this poem very much as i do all of your work. Please have a splendid day.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Ha, ha, ha! You got it, Tier. "They were my own reality of that glint in my kitchen window that faded before my night's drinking."
I saw these beer bottles in a kitchen window during my walk yesterday and I spent the next two hours wondering what type of person would decorate a kitchen window with empty beer bottles. I finished my poem as night fell on the bottles.
Thank you for your generous, six star review, and for sharing your personal story and reality of drinking, because you saw my poem from the inside as if you are inside that kitchen watching the sunlight glint off the beer bottle collection in the window.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Only a poet could make empty beer bottles look so beautiful as you have here! But I fear this scene could mean that someone could be seeing double! Only kidding! Amber rays of grain climb the wall to toward sunset! An afternoon's drinking session maybe? Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Only a poet could make empty beer bottles look so beautiful as you have here! But I fear this scene could mean that someone could be seeing double! Only kidding! Amber rays of grain climb the wall to toward sunset! An afternoon's drinking session maybe? Love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Oh, Dolly, thank you for your generous, six star review. The first for my poem! When I saw these beer bottles in a kitchen window yesterday during a walk, they captivated my imagination. I think your comment of seeing double is accurate because I imagine the narrator of my tanka to be not merely a beer connoisseur but an alcoholic. While no pink elephants were seen, the visions from a long afternoon of drinking are surreal--amber rays of grain. Thanks again for your review.
Comment from kiwisteveh
I find this slightly cryptic - I guess some reading between the lines is required...
Your first two lines describe a normal enough scene - then you get all metaphorical with the amber rays of grain, somehow concatenating both the sunlight, the colour of the brew and the ingredients into one evocative phrase.
And what do we make of that ending? Approving, disapproving, neutral? We don't really know who the drinkers are, how heavily they're drinking and what the consequences are. In my life, alcohol has been a negative - for others just a social lubricant... Thought-provoking stuff.
Steve
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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I find this slightly cryptic - I guess some reading between the lines is required...
Your first two lines describe a normal enough scene - then you get all metaphorical with the amber rays of grain, somehow concatenating both the sunlight, the colour of the brew and the ingredients into one evocative phrase.
And what do we make of that ending? Approving, disapproving, neutral? We don't really know who the drinkers are, how heavily they're drinking and what the consequences are. In my life, alcohol has been a negative - for others just a social lubricant... Thought-provoking stuff.
Steve
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Oh, thank you, Steve, for your engaging, thought-provoking review. I saw yesterday during a walk beer bottles in a kitchen window. I spent the next two hours writing about them and imagining what type of person or people would decorate a window with spent beer bottles. They love beer, the amber stained glass light through them, and reflecting upon the fine brews of the past. The last line implies there will be more drinking that night and more bottles will join those on the windowsill by morning.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with the style of tanka, Sis Cat. All lines read well. the 3rd pivot line works well with both parts. Your message told here is true for so many & very sad. The art is perfect for your well-chosen words. Best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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You did a great job with the style of tanka, Sis Cat. All lines read well. the 3rd pivot line works well with both parts. Your message told here is true for so many & very sad. The art is perfect for your well-chosen words. Best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Yes, Jan, that pivot line makes the tanka. It appeared in the fourth line of my draft after I had spotted beer bottles in a kitchen window. Over the course of two hours, I reworked that line and moved it to the center. I had a step-grandfather who was an alcoholic and used to "decorate" his front yard with empty bottles because he loved the sparkling sunlight in them.
Thank you for your review and best wishes.
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a wonderfully composed tanka, Sis. Your first haiku like section is firmly anchored with the pivot line--amber rays of grain--and that serves as the centrepiece of what is overall a beautiful image portraying a most nasty and devastating addiction.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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This is a wonderfully composed tanka, Sis. Your first haiku like section is firmly anchored with the pivot line--amber rays of grain--and that serves as the centrepiece of what is overall a beautiful image portraying a most nasty and devastating addiction.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Yes, Gloria, that pivot line anchors the haiku-like section and launches the closing lines. When I saw those beer bottles in a kitchen window yesterday, I spent the next two hours writing and wondering about why a person would put them there. Are they a beer connoisseur, an interior decorator, or an alcoholic? I don't know, but I created this wonderfully composed tanka.
Thank you for your review and for wishing me the best in the contest.
Comment from rama devi
HI, my friend. Hope you're enjoying the weekend.
Excellent tanka. I enjoyed the punny pivot line: amber rays of grain
Clever double meaning!
Good overall cohesive tone and tenor. Fine alliteration of G in glint and grain plus a medley of T and B sounds. Good word economy. Very fine presentation. No nits. Well done. Good luck in the contest. This is a unique entry.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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HI, my friend. Hope you're enjoying the weekend.
Excellent tanka. I enjoyed the punny pivot line: amber rays of grain
Clever double meaning!
Good overall cohesive tone and tenor. Fine alliteration of G in glint and grain plus a medley of T and B sounds. Good word economy. Very fine presentation. No nits. Well done. Good luck in the contest. This is a unique entry.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Yes, Rama, I worked on this tanka during a four-and-a-half mile walk in which I had spotted beer bottles in a kitchen window. Although I saw many sights on that walk, my imagination returned to those bottles. The pun-pivot line was key. Thank you for your comprehensive review and for wishing me luck in the contest.
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My pleasure, my friend. Such a nice long walk! lucky you!
Warm Smiles, rd
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Yes, Rama, I turned off my audio book and played the Phantom Threads soundtrack while I walked and observed with my notebook and pen in hand. While I saw stalking feral cats, ducks swimming in algae, and drone-like vultures looking for carrion, my imagination always returned to those beer bottles I saw in the window during the first five minutes of my walk. By the time I arrived home two hours later, I had completed my poem. I predict that I will write more poems during my walks. Thanks.
Andre
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I just saw Phantom Threads yesterday - phenomenal film! Subtly creative and nuanced acting. Should prove a contender at the Oscars. My your walk prove fruitful for poetic inspiration! Thanks for sharing, Andre.
Love, rd
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Yes, I am listening to the soundtrack now as I write and review. The music is good for contemplation and creation. Thanks.
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Yeah! :-)))
Comment from rjuselius
This is a consistent piece of poetry dear Andre! I love the idea of it. I think this will do very well in the contest.
Thanks for sharing!
Good luck!
Blessings and a big squeeze!
Rebekka x
I am so sorry messing this up. I wanted to give you six stars but in accidence gave you 1. Now it won't let me give you a six..
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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This is a consistent piece of poetry dear Andre! I love the idea of it. I think this will do very well in the contest.
Thanks for sharing!
Good luck!
Blessings and a big squeeze!
Rebekka x
I am so sorry messing this up. I wanted to give you six stars but in accidence gave you 1. Now it won't let me give you a six..
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2018
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Oh, thank you, Rebekka, for your virtual six star review. I worked on this tanka during a four-and-a-half mile walk in which I had spotted beer bottles in a kitchen window. Although I saw many sights on that walk, my imagination returned to those bottles. Thank you for wishing me good luck in the contest and for your blessings and big squeeze.
