empty beer bottles
For now we see through a glass, darkly.80 total reviews
Comment from MissMerri
Wow! I thought this Tanka was beyond exceptional! The "amber rays of grain" line bowled me over. That was very clever. The images are strong and the whole poem is full of meaning and symbolism and a true joy to read. Great entry in this competition. The count is perfect and the poem rich with texture. MM
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Wow! I thought this Tanka was beyond exceptional! The "amber rays of grain" line bowled me over. That was very clever. The images are strong and the whole poem is full of meaning and symbolism and a true joy to read. Great entry in this competition. The count is perfect and the poem rich with texture. MM
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Yes, MM, I am stunned by this poem. Given that I do not drink, I would not have written this poem on my own in a million years, but when I saw empty beer bottles in a kitchen window two days ago, they sparked my imagination. I wrote and sketched looking up at the second floor window. Given that I was on a four-and-a-half mile walk, I continued to compose and revise my poem. The "amber rays of grain" was a stroke of genius. Thank you for your generous six star review.
Comment from Marianne C.
What a fantastic short poem! I really appreciated the image of "climbing the wall." And, the use of "amber waves of grain" is quite clever within the context of the poem.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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What a fantastic short poem! I really appreciated the image of "climbing the wall." And, the use of "amber waves of grain" is quite clever within the context of the poem.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Yes, Marianne, those lines struck many reviewers. Thank you for your generous, six star review and for calling my short poem "fantastic."
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello!
Now that, sir, is a beautifully well-crafted tanka! The visual imagery is all-encompassing. I love the take on "amber waves/rays of grain." Imaginative and creative! Best wishes in the contest!
diane
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Hello!
Now that, sir, is a beautifully well-crafted tanka! The visual imagery is all-encompassing. I love the take on "amber waves/rays of grain." Imaginative and creative! Best wishes in the contest!
diane
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Diane, for your generous, six star review. I am grateful that I was in the right place at the right time. Armed with pen and pad, I took a walk on Saturday when I saw empty beer bottles in a kitchen window. I began to write and sketch right there. Given that I had two hours to complete my four-and-a-half mile walk I had time to carefully craft my poem.
Thank you for the best wishes in the contest, too.
Comment from royowen
An excellent entry in this tanka poetry contest Andre, a great pivot line, and a mildly amusing theme as a result, clever use of words to embellish this limiting but depth charged work, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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An excellent entry in this tanka poetry contest Andre, a great pivot line, and a mildly amusing theme as a result, clever use of words to embellish this limiting but depth charged work, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Roy, for your encouraging review and for calling my pivot line great. I appreciate it. Blessings to you, too.
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Well done Andre
Comment from nomi338
A visual reminder of the amount of alcohol consumed can be viewed as an accomplishment or a reminder to cool it, to maybe slow down a bit. At any rate, there is much enjoyment in consuming a cold one at the close of the days activities. Your poem inspired several conflicting emotions within me as I am not strong on whether I should drink more or less.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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A visual reminder of the amount of alcohol consumed can be viewed as an accomplishment or a reminder to cool it, to maybe slow down a bit. At any rate, there is much enjoyment in consuming a cold one at the close of the days activities. Your poem inspired several conflicting emotions within me as I am not strong on whether I should drink more or less.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you, nomi338, for your review. When I saw empty beer bottles in a kitchen window two days ago, I wrote what I saw on the outside and what I imagined on the inside. I make no judgments about who put them there or why. My poem cause conflicting emotions with several reviewers.
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Andre':
-welcome back you been gone for a while I sure missed you.
-This is an great tanka is that he has beautiful clandestine meaning
and beautiful definitive expressionism along with demonstratively vivid descriptiveness.
-What's sad about this poem is the repetitive lifestyle the person may have though you may not be an alcoholic but his mannerisms seems repetitive. That's only one aspect that I found but there are many more.
-The pivot line "amber waves of grain" is a brilliant pivot line.
-In absolutely exceptional writing
-The pictures absolutely stunning and perfectly for the conceptual theme that you writing about.
-Good luck in the contest my friend, and take care and have a good one and good luck in all your future endeavors.
Alex
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Cheers, Andre':
-welcome back you been gone for a while I sure missed you.
-This is an great tanka is that he has beautiful clandestine meaning
and beautiful definitive expressionism along with demonstratively vivid descriptiveness.
-What's sad about this poem is the repetitive lifestyle the person may have though you may not be an alcoholic but his mannerisms seems repetitive. That's only one aspect that I found but there are many more.
-The pivot line "amber waves of grain" is a brilliant pivot line.
-In absolutely exceptional writing
-The pictures absolutely stunning and perfectly for the conceptual theme that you writing about.
-Good luck in the contest my friend, and take care and have a good one and good luck in all your future endeavors.
Alex
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Alex, for your generous, six star review and for wishing me good luck in the contest. I spent much of the last two weeks reading hundreds of published poems outside of FanStory and submitting half a dozen of my own to journals.
I did not know how to begin writing poems in 2018, so I took a walk on Saturday with pen and pad in hand. When I saw empty beer bottles in a kitchen window, I began to sketch and write on the spot, and continued writing during a two hour walk around my city. By the time I returned home, it was dark, I barely saw the bottles, but I had a completed a poem.
Thanks.
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And a remarkably written piece of poetry it is. I did pretty much the same one time when I wrote a song about the homeless. I walked around Sacramento in the wee hours before midnight. When I finish I had memorized the song. Your sabbatical from Fanstory radiant and refreshing And I could see that it could really benefit your soul and spirit replenishing it with fresh concepts and ideas conceptual themes. Take care my friend and have a good one.
Alex
Comment from Kathy Allmon
I liked the photo you picked. Where did your inspiration come from? How did you become an oral story teller? Did you pick it or did it pick you? I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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I liked the photo you picked. Where did your inspiration come from? How did you become an oral story teller? Did you pick it or did it pick you? I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Kathy, for your review. I will answer all three questions.
Where did your inspiration come from? Armed with pen, paper, and Jonny Greenwood's "Phantom Threads" soundtrack, I took a two hour, four-and-a-half mile long walk on Saturday in which I saw in the first five minutes empty beer bottles in the second floor kitchen window of a nearby condo. The sight so entranced me that I began to write and sketch on the spot. Since I had two hours to kill during my walk, I continued to gather pictures and notes of things I saw--a circling vulture, a stalking cat, ducks swimming in algae, but my mind kept going back to those beer bottles. More words and lines coalesced around that image. I had hoped to get back in time to take a picture of the bottles, but night had fallen, so I incorporated that in my last line, and found another picture of bottles on FanArtReview. Walks generate half of my poems.
How did you become an oral story teller? What I always tell people is that both of my parents were poets who died eleven weeks apart, bequeathing me hundreds of poems. I began to read them in public and then began to act them out by doing a mashup of their poems as if my divorced parents were talking to one another.
I then began creating and performing my own poems and stories.
Did you pick it or did it pick you? It picked me. Given that my parents were both poets, and my mother was a paid storyteller, I had no choice than to follow in the family "business" once I awoke to the gift God and my parents gave me.
More of my writing will be coming. Thanks.
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Wow. I love your process. And not a bad family "business" to be in. I also get lots of my ideas by walking around and just observing. People as a whole are in too big a hurry to get to nowhere important.
Comment from Joan E.
Isn't it amazing how poetical empty beer bottles can be? I admired your pivot line and the way the "rays...climb the wall". Best wishes in the Tanka Contest- Joan
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Isn't it amazing how poetical empty beer bottles can be? I admired your pivot line and the way the "rays...climb the wall". Best wishes in the Tanka Contest- Joan
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Yes, yes, yes, empty beer bottles are poetical. I saw them in a kitchen window at the beginning of a two hour walk, and although I later saw many sights worthy of poetry--a circling vulture, swimming ducks, a prowling cat--my mind kept going back to those bottles in the window. I completed my poem by the time I completed my walk. Thank you for your review.
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Keep walking and writing, my friend! Cheers- Joan
Comment from ameen786
Andre my friend, thank you for sharing this intoxicated tanka loaded with superb word choice and beautifully phrased in unique verses, "amber rays of grain
climb the wall toward sunset
and fade before night's drinking."-Very poetic indeed!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Andre my friend, thank you for sharing this intoxicated tanka loaded with superb word choice and beautifully phrased in unique verses, "amber rays of grain
climb the wall toward sunset
and fade before night's drinking."-Very poetic indeed!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Ameen, for your generous review of my "very poetical poem." I am thrilled that I spied empty beer bottles in a neighbor's window and that I had a two hour walk to compose my intoxicating tanka.
Comment from Heather Knight
This is lovely, Andre. I particularly like this line:
amber rays of grain
Your tanka is very visual and paints a lovely picture. It's like a landscape painting using a most ordinary object and transforming it into a jewel.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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This is lovely, Andre. I particularly like this line:
amber rays of grain
Your tanka is very visual and paints a lovely picture. It's like a landscape painting using a most ordinary object and transforming it into a jewel.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2018
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Yes, Maria, I love how I took ordinary objects and transformed them into jewels. Thank you for your lovely review.
