Loophole
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Crime in a suburb."All chapters
6 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
I like Ms. Doherty - she's quick and funny. Also meant to tell you I loved the description of her and the situation in the opening of the first chapter. I could just picture it.
This is cute so far. You describe the characteristics well.
Brennan kinda of reminds me of Maxwell Smart, don'tcha think?
You've got my curiosity up. Where is this heading?
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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I like Ms. Doherty - she's quick and funny. Also meant to tell you I loved the description of her and the situation in the opening of the first chapter. I could just picture it.
This is cute so far. You describe the characteristics well.
Brennan kinda of reminds me of Maxwell Smart, don'tcha think?
You've got my curiosity up. Where is this heading?
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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So nice to hear from you.
Knowing you like this story means a lot to me.
The story is heading toward a solution to the crime(s).
Not sure about the Maxwell Smart reference.
Thanks for all the kind words.
Marv
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well, how do you see Brennan? He reminds me of Maxwell Smart - sort of bumbling. Not so?
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Good back and forth between the characters here, aiding in giving them distinct personalities. the description of the room is very good, putting the reader in there.
"I see." said Brennan, "and whose idea was it to haul him away?" - the second section of dialogue here should start with a capital as the previous is closed off.
"That makes it the perfect atmosphere in which to force a confession from a miscreant. - needs closing speech marks here.
"Just think, Ms Doherty, we could be standing where a herd of cows were once grazing and swatting at flies with their tails?" - this felt more like a statement than a question.
Don't you find that extremely odd? - this should probably be inside the speech marks.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
Good back and forth between the characters here, aiding in giving them distinct personalities. the description of the room is very good, putting the reader in there.
"I see." said Brennan, "and whose idea was it to haul him away?" - the second section of dialogue here should start with a capital as the previous is closed off.
"That makes it the perfect atmosphere in which to force a confession from a miscreant. - needs closing speech marks here.
"Just think, Ms Doherty, we could be standing where a herd of cows were once grazing and swatting at flies with their tails?" - this felt more like a statement than a question.
Don't you find that extremely odd? - this should probably be inside the speech marks.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reviewing and the compliments. Thanks for pointing out all the typos. (I hope that's all of them.)
You've always been a big help. Thanks again.
Marv
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Marv. Did you combine all your stories into the book, "Loophole?" That makes it confusing for your readers to keep the stories separate. I think this is the third chapter of FOW. Suggest separating them. I like this story so far. It has good potential if you keep it clear for the reader. Sometimes you get on a roll and it's difficult to follow. So far, so good with this one. Marilyn
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Hi Marv. Did you combine all your stories into the book, "Loophole?" That makes it confusing for your readers to keep the stories separate. I think this is the third chapter of FOW. Suggest separating them. I like this story so far. It has good potential if you keep it clear for the reader. Sometimes you get on a roll and it's difficult to follow. So far, so good with this one. Marilyn
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much for your review.
I did not combine anything with something else. This is the third chapter of ?Crime in a Suburb.? Chapter 3 is called ?FOW Play.?
I'm glad you like this story since it is a new genre for me.
Many thanks.
Marv
Comment from Jay Squires
Quite a chemistry between Amanda and SB. I don't recall them before in Loophole, Bill. It was about the playwright, I thought. Or am I all wet?
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Quite a chemistry between Amanda and SB. I don't recall them before in Loophole, Bill. It was about the playwright, I thought. Or am I all wet?
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thanks for your review.
You're not all wet. I'm glad to know you still remember Loophole, it's been so long since I added to it.
I can't seem to submit a piece without screwing up the title of the story and the title of the chapter. I added a disclaimer to the submission but there has to be an easier way, also known as the correct way. (in FanStory's mind)
What all am I doing wrong and how may I correct it, ASAP?
Marv
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I'm sorry, but I don't understand what the problem is, Marv. You correct what you're doing wrong by correcting it. I'm referring to your knowing the title of the story and the chapter. That seems easy enough to rectify. You just double check before you post. I'm not trying to be flip on this, but I really don't seem to know what the problem is.
Jay
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Thanks for trying to help. You're a true friend.
Marv
Comment from Cal Amborn
Looks like this could be a fun story. I felt sad when it ended, I wanted to know the details of the case. I am slightly confused though, what is chapter 1? It just hops into the end of two, and that's fine. I'm just confused on why that is. Overall a really well crafted story with compelling detail and dialogue.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Looks like this could be a fun story. I felt sad when it ended, I wanted to know the details of the case. I am slightly confused though, what is chapter 1? It just hops into the end of two, and that's fine. I'm just confused on why that is. Overall a really well crafted story with compelling detail and dialogue.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reviewing.
First, I screwed up the title of the book and chapter. The Book is titled, ?Crime in a Suburb.? Chapter 3 is called, "FOW Play."
I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. It's not a genre I've ever written in before. Thanks for your many compliments. I hope you'll look for the next chapter.
Marv
Comment from tango494
I would kill to be able to write dialogues in such an effective way, excellent job!! The overall read flowed smoothly and was easy to read and follow. I'm not the best at grimmer but I didn't notice anything that stood out, wonderful submission :)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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I would kill to be able to write dialogues in such an effective way, excellent job!! The overall read flowed smoothly and was easy to read and follow. I'm not the best at grimmer but I didn't notice anything that stood out, wonderful submission :)
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reviewing.
Your compliments are much appreciated. I wouldn't know where to begin, regarding teaching dialogue. I've been fortunate that most reviewers like that element of my writing.
I can't seem to submit a piece without screwing up the title of the story and the title of the chapter. I added a disclaimer to this submission but there must be an easier way, also known as the correct way of handling these items. (in FanStory's mind)
Marv