A Dream Come True?
Isn't everything just perfect?11 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
I can see why this story ranked so high. It's well-written very descriptive. keeps your interest start to finish. The ending, wow that was one heck of twist.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2018
  |
I can see why this story ranked so high. It's well-written very descriptive. keeps your interest start to finish. The ending, wow that was one heck of twist.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2018
-
Thanks so much for your thoughtful review and 5 stars.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
I love it when a write surprises me, and this one did! I really wasn't expecting that ending! Whoa! A blood-sucking little neck-biter. I thought perhaps the house would be haunted.
This is a great entry for the Horror contest! So very well done! Good luck! ~~ Connie
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
|
I love it when a write surprises me, and this one did! I really wasn't expecting that ending! Whoa! A blood-sucking little neck-biter. I thought perhaps the house would be haunted.
This is a great entry for the Horror contest! So very well done! Good luck! ~~ Connie
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
-
Thanks much for reading this crazy little one.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Ouch! So much for a dream come true. This is well penned and certainly holds the readers attention from start to finish. All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
|
Ouch! So much for a dream come true. This is well penned and certainly holds the readers attention from start to finish. All the best in the voting and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
-
Thanks much!
Comment from Rasmine
Hehe! This is good with a surprise ending.
I found one typo and have a suggestion:
It seemed meant to be, (semi-colon or connect to the former sentence) just moved in to (into) their dream home.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
|
Hehe! This is good with a surprise ending.
I found one typo and have a suggestion:
It seemed meant to be, (semi-colon or connect to the former sentence) just moved in to (into) their dream home.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
-
Thanks much-trying to cut down on words for the requirement, and cut a few too many. Everyone noticed- LOL but I have not had time to fix yet. Appreciate the read.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Horror stories featuring children as one of the main players, such as The Omen, The Exorcist, Mama, or The Orphan, are some of the most eerie, creepiest horror stories there are.
When these new parents tell others that their newly adopted daughter is a holy terror, they sure won't be stretching the truth, heh-heh.
Good writing.
Best of luck.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
|
Horror stories featuring children as one of the main players, such as The Omen, The Exorcist, Mama, or The Orphan, are some of the most eerie, creepiest horror stories there are.
When these new parents tell others that their newly adopted daughter is a holy terror, they sure won't be stretching the truth, heh-heh.
Good writing.
Best of luck.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
-
If they live to tell! Ha. Thanks much for the review and we are in agreement about kids being the creepiest. One I could barely watch was Chance (I believe his name was) in Pet Cemetery!
-
The little boy who was hit by a truck was named Gage. Church was his sister's Russian Blue kitty cat from Hell, LOL!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good and interesting entry for the Horror writing prompt.
A clear story, horrific indeed.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
|
I think this is a good and interesting entry for the Horror writing prompt.
A clear story, horrific indeed.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
-
thanks much for the read and review.
Comment from Dan Diego
Reviewed in the blind: That was a surprise ending. I didn't see it coming. Some would say it's not fair to drop that kind of surprise on a reader without a little foreshadowing. I also know this is a flash fiction prompt and 100 words is an ambitious task. But whether it is fair or not, is up to you, and contest voters.
There were a few spots where I had to pause:
You wrote: It seemed meant to be, just moved in to their dream home.
I suggest: It seemed meant to be, they just moved in to their dream home.
You wrote: "Edward, did you hear....?"
I suggest: You are using ellipses here to indicate a trailed thought and later you use them as a pause in dialogue. Both are acceptable, but I think the experts say just three dots = and ellipses.
This is the second vampire story I've read in a row, so take that into account when you consider my notes.
Nice little story. Good luck.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
|
Reviewed in the blind: That was a surprise ending. I didn't see it coming. Some would say it's not fair to drop that kind of surprise on a reader without a little foreshadowing. I also know this is a flash fiction prompt and 100 words is an ambitious task. But whether it is fair or not, is up to you, and contest voters.
There were a few spots where I had to pause:
You wrote: It seemed meant to be, just moved in to their dream home.
I suggest: It seemed meant to be, they just moved in to their dream home.
You wrote: "Edward, did you hear....?"
I suggest: You are using ellipses here to indicate a trailed thought and later you use them as a pause in dialogue. Both are acceptable, but I think the experts say just three dots = and ellipses.
This is the second vampire story I've read in a row, so take that into account when you consider my notes.
Nice little story. Good luck.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
-
Many thanks for reading and the suggestions.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice job with this one on the whole. it's not easy to conjure something up in the tight word allowance but you did a fine job with this.
It seemed meant to be, just moved in to their dream home - there's no subject in this sentence. You need something like 'they'd after the comma.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
|
Nice job with this one on the whole. it's not easy to conjure something up in the tight word allowance but you did a fine job with this.
It seemed meant to be, just moved in to their dream home - there's no subject in this sentence. You need something like 'they'd after the comma.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
-
Whoops, trying to cut those words, but I see that this was needed. Thanks much for the read and great suggestion.
Comment from Ken the Carpenter
Yikes, that's one hell of a hello my little sweet one, do we have fear or are we fickled, at one moment there is love and protection the next???
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
|
Yikes, that's one hell of a hello my little sweet one, do we have fear or are we fickled, at one moment there is love and protection the next???
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
-
Ha-just a little surprise at the end. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness! A baby vampire! I didn't expect that, but there again I was waiting with bated breath as this is a horror write, you lulled me into happiness then sunk your fangs into my flesh! Brilliant! Love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
|
Oh my goodness! A baby vampire! I didn't expect that, but there again I was waiting with bated breath as this is a horror write, you lulled me into happiness then sunk your fangs into my flesh! Brilliant! Love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
-
Lol. Thanks for the read and also the entertaining review.
