The Real Deal
A woman's world is changed by a single act of kindness.39 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was such a lovely story, Rhonda, one that I could read time and again. That is all it takes, someone to be kind and suddenly everything nice falls into place. That truly is the spirit of Christmas. Superb story, so uplifting and an excellent contest entry. Good luck! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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That was such a lovely story, Rhonda, one that I could read time and again. That is all it takes, someone to be kind and suddenly everything nice falls into place. That truly is the spirit of Christmas. Superb story, so uplifting and an excellent contest entry. Good luck! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Thank you for the beautiful shining stars, and for the gift of your words. I'm glad you felt the story uplifting. That was the plan, but you never know how other people will receive your work.
Merry Christmas,
Rhonda
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartwarming story. Sometimes we have to convince ourselves that our lives are perfect and there are nothing we need to feel depressed about. Help others in need isca definite spirit lifting exercise.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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A very well-written heartwarming story. Sometimes we have to convince ourselves that our lives are perfect and there are nothing we need to feel depressed about. Help others in need isca definite spirit lifting exercise.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Thank you, Sandra. You're so right, it does help you when you help others.
Merry Christmas,
Rhonda
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a beautiful entry, my friend! You share a fresh holiday message as you help us all to remember that Christmas is a spirit which requires compassion and kindness to flourish within each of us in order to thrive. I count this reading as a special Christmas blessing and I hope others do as well. All the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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This is a beautiful entry, my friend! You share a fresh holiday message as you help us all to remember that Christmas is a spirit which requires compassion and kindness to flourish within each of us in order to thrive. I count this reading as a special Christmas blessing and I hope others do as well. All the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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What a lovely review. You have uplifted my spirit by capturing the meaning of the story. I wanted to go for non traditional, while leaving a message. People don't often look deeply into a story, but you have and that is touching.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from apky
This wonderful sentence summed it all up:
"Violence, hatred, and an ungenerous spirit," he repeated. "But, I've been revived. Sometimes all it takes is one act of kindness to restore many offenses of hurt."
There's not much that can't be accomplished with love and caring.
she was thirty four-years-old(thirty-four-year-old) with no husband or children,
Salt and pepper curls, also passed down to his youngest child ~ although it reads so, I'm sure you didn't mean that the "salt and pepper curls" had been passed on to the younger daughter. Perhaps you meant the "curls" only, in which case you need to rewrite this part.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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This wonderful sentence summed it all up:
"Violence, hatred, and an ungenerous spirit," he repeated. "But, I've been revived. Sometimes all it takes is one act of kindness to restore many offenses of hurt."
There's not much that can't be accomplished with love and caring.
she was thirty four-years-old(thirty-four-year-old) with no husband or children,
Salt and pepper curls, also passed down to his youngest child ~ although it reads so, I'm sure you didn't mean that the "salt and pepper curls" had been passed on to the younger daughter. Perhaps you meant the "curls" only, in which case you need to rewrite this part.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Thank you for the review, and the pointer. You are quite right about that sentence. I wasn't really happy with it, either. I'll fix it up.
I appreciate your comments as well.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is a lovely, well-written, upbeat story, with hope for an ending. You didn't have her find a boyfriend or solve her loneliness, but you gave her a start at finding happiness thru love GIVEN. Love received will come in time now that she knows what is important. :)
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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This is a lovely, well-written, upbeat story, with hope for an ending. You didn't have her find a boyfriend or solve her loneliness, but you gave her a start at finding happiness thru love GIVEN. Love received will come in time now that she knows what is important. :)
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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That is exactly where I was going with this. After she gets rid of her self-absorbed attitude, she can move on to find that love. Thank you for the lovely 6 stars and the amazing review.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a sweet and joyful tale and if I was a non-believer I would certainly believe now, but I am already a believer in both miracles and the magic of Christmas. Your story is well told and easy reading and delighted me on this dark Sunday morning (it's early), it's thanks to your imagination that I shall have a spring in my step for the rest of the day, merry christmas, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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This is a sweet and joyful tale and if I was a non-believer I would certainly believe now, but I am already a believer in both miracles and the magic of Christmas. Your story is well told and easy reading and delighted me on this dark Sunday morning (it's early), it's thanks to your imagination that I shall have a spring in my step for the rest of the day, merry christmas, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Wow, thank you, Dolly. What a sweet review. I appreciate the time it took to read the long story, and for your comments. You've made my early Sunday morning shine as well.
Merry Christmas, Dolly,
Rhonda
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
This is a very nice piece and I hope it does well in the competition. Has a nice mix of the season hope, and mysticism yet still grounded in the opening sections.
She thought of the singing carolers in her apartment complex - do you need 'singing' in reference to carollers? If they're not singing, they're not carollers! lol
Her heart began to warm, and the pangs of anxiety abate. - it may need to be abted here to preserve the tense.
it was Texas afterall - afterall needs to be two words.
This is just a little thing but the spirit said 'close enough' when she called him Santa, so why would he leave a gift signed from Santa? It's very pedantic I know. lol
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Hi Rhonda,
This is a very nice piece and I hope it does well in the competition. Has a nice mix of the season hope, and mysticism yet still grounded in the opening sections.
She thought of the singing carolers in her apartment complex - do you need 'singing' in reference to carollers? If they're not singing, they're not carollers! lol
Her heart began to warm, and the pangs of anxiety abate. - it may need to be abted here to preserve the tense.
it was Texas afterall - afterall needs to be two words.
This is just a little thing but the spirit said 'close enough' when she called him Santa, so why would he leave a gift signed from Santa? It's very pedantic I know. lol
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Hi, GMan!
I actually thought about the Santa thing, too, on the signature and went with him being in a hurry. However, I think you're right about it. I'll think of something a bit more clever.
The other corrections you are right on as well.
As always, I appreciate your feedback.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from emptypage
This is beautiful. I am voting for this! God, Rhonda, I'm so glad to read your stories again. It is . Always such a delight.
You are Christmas for me today. I needed this.
The story is wonderful, but I love YOU more!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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This is beautiful. I am voting for this! God, Rhonda, I'm so glad to read your stories again. It is . Always such a delight.
You are Christmas for me today. I needed this.
The story is wonderful, but I love YOU more!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Thank you, Girl! You are the sweetest!
I'm glad the story reached you. I was having one of those melancholy days, myself and needed to find the sunshine and the spirit.
I love you, too!
Rhonda
Comment from Spitfire
What a heart-warming story. A well-crafted piece of fiction that depicts the loneliness that can come to a single person at Christmas time. Santa serves well as a symbol here
"No... well... maybe. But, who has hurt you?"
"Violence, hatred, and an ungenerous spirit,"
A bit of suspense as you detail her unwrapping of the present.
I like to think that maybe she'll adopt one or more of the children some day.
I regret that I don't have a six left.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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What a heart-warming story. A well-crafted piece of fiction that depicts the loneliness that can come to a single person at Christmas time. Santa serves well as a symbol here
"No... well... maybe. But, who has hurt you?"
"Violence, hatred, and an ungenerous spirit,"
A bit of suspense as you detail her unwrapping of the present.
I like to think that maybe she'll adopt one or more of the children some day.
I regret that I don't have a six left.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Thank you, Spitfire!
I appreciate the virtual 6, what a lovely gesture.
The holidays can be lonely for those already suffering from loneliness and depression. I've often found the way out of such a state is to help others.
I actually used to pass that Children's home on the way to work all the time. I often thought to do what my character plans, and that's to get involved.
Have a very Merry Christmas
Rhonda
Comment from WalkerMan
"Sometimes all it takes is one act of kindness to" counterbalance "many offenses of hurt." How true. We live in a world where the evils of meanness, bigotry, hate, and violence seem to be growing all around us daily; and it is easy to imagine that a spirit of kindness such as Santa Claus would be hurt by that, but could be revived and restored by such a single act of kindness as Suzette here offers. The real-life reward for so doing is not necessarily as prompt and obvious as her useful gift of a cellphone and encouragement to volunteer at the Children's Home where she will feel more fulfilled in life (and might even find love from another volunteer), but the warm feeling from helping another in need is its own reward. Superb and heartwarming.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2017
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"Sometimes all it takes is one act of kindness to" counterbalance "many offenses of hurt." How true. We live in a world where the evils of meanness, bigotry, hate, and violence seem to be growing all around us daily; and it is easy to imagine that a spirit of kindness such as Santa Claus would be hurt by that, but could be revived and restored by such a single act of kindness as Suzette here offers. The real-life reward for so doing is not necessarily as prompt and obvious as her useful gift of a cellphone and encouragement to volunteer at the Children's Home where she will feel more fulfilled in life (and might even find love from another volunteer), but the warm feeling from helping another in need is its own reward. Superb and heartwarming.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2017
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Thank you for the six stars, WalkerMan! An exceptional gift.
Yes, you did get the deeper meaning of this story. There has been so much hate this year that even Santa, or whatever spirit of Christmas is about, has taken quite a beating. The idea of the story was to encourage people to fight back with kindness.
A side theme was that often depression can be elevated by serving others.
Again, many thanks,
Rhonda
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You are most welcome, Rhonda. Your post is a splendid gift to us all at a time of year when many are feeling down, especially if they are alone or even just insufficiently loved. Taking extra Vitamin D3 compensates for lack of sunshine, but it is no substitute for love and kindness.
You are right that kindness boosts mood on BOTH sides. Even a smile does.
Your story is so superbly heartwarming that you ought to find a place to enter it into a magazine's contest that offers publication to the winner(s), as I think your story would have a solid chance. Some mags just want submissions for publication, so there is no contest. Use search terms magazine, prose, fiction, Christmas, and contest to find places that might be interested. Many have no submission fee. Just read each publication's rules for submission, as they may vary. -- Mike
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Thank you so much, Mike. I will certainly do that. I've never thought of that before!
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You are welcome, Rhonda. You can go to WinningWriters.com and sign up for their free email newsletter that lists current contests (even some here at FS, which is how I originally found this site). Some of these contests have prizes as high as $2,000.00.
Now here is some expert technical advice counter to some other advice you have received. (The structure of the English language -- grammar, punctuation, spelling, word usage, and sentence structure -- is my doctoral-level core expertise.) Because you may publish this story, I will here focus on items that could work against you [wrong => right].
Paragraph 2: thirty four-years-old => thirty-four years old
Paragraph 4: set a, younger than her age, face => set a younger-than-her-age face
Paragraph 5: off like she => off as she
Paragraph 8: life like her => life as her
["like" is a preposition; "as" introduces a clause]
Paragraph 12: overalls, that => overalls that [no comma]
Paragraph 37: to restore many => to counterbalance many ["restore" actually opposes your intent.]
Paragraph 54: perched beside her purse => perched near her purse [avoids repetition of word "beside"]
If you have an questions, please do not hesitate to ask. Best wishes for success with bringing this superb story to the public. -- Mike
