tanka (red roses)
tanka contest9 total reviews
Comment from jenintorre
I enjoyed reading your tanka poem. It paints a very vivid picture in very few words. I found it very emotional. Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2017
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I enjoyed reading your tanka poem. It paints a very vivid picture in very few words. I found it very emotional. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2017
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Thank you for this lovely review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello
Tanka was created in the sixth century in the imperial court. It was written by lovers and about love. The rules of tanka varies and titles don't have to be like that.
You have a double "a" in the second line.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Hello
Tanka was created in the sixth century in the imperial court. It was written by lovers and about love. The rules of tanka varies and titles don't have to be like that.
You have a double "a" in the second line.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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I humbly disagree, and have been writing tanka for a looooonnng time. There a lot of different opinions on the subject, and this is my view of tanka. None the less, thank you for the 5 and for catching my mistake. I do appreciate that.
Comment from Dean Kuch
No, that's incorrect, Anonymous Poet, with all due respect.
Tanka poems follow a five line form. When written in Japanese, the form will follow a pattern of syllables 5-7-5-7-7. In other words, there are five syllables in the first and third lines and seven syllables in lines two, four, and five. When tanka are translated into English, the syllable count usually changes, which is why my example has nine syllables in the first line. There are only five onji, or sounds in the original Japanese version of that line.
Each tanka is divided into two parts: the upper phrase and the lower phrase. The upper phrase consists of the first three lines, and the last two lines make up the lower phrase. The upper phrase typically depicts an image, and the lower phrase presents the poet's ideas about that image. In traditional poetic forms, this point where the tone of the poem shifts is called the turn. In my example, the poet presents an image of faded cherry blossoms, and after the turn, she compares her own life to the wasted beauty of those blossoms.
While haiku poems are usually (but not always) about nature, tanka are often personal reflections on love and other strong emotions. Tanka also use figurative language. In the example below, the poet uses a metaphor: the wilted cherry blossoms become representations of her life.
This one is by Ono no Komachi from about the year 850:
the color of the cherry blossom
has faded in vain
in the long rain
while in idle thoughts
I have spent my life.
Good luck to you.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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No, that's incorrect, Anonymous Poet, with all due respect.
Tanka poems follow a five line form. When written in Japanese, the form will follow a pattern of syllables 5-7-5-7-7. In other words, there are five syllables in the first and third lines and seven syllables in lines two, four, and five. When tanka are translated into English, the syllable count usually changes, which is why my example has nine syllables in the first line. There are only five onji, or sounds in the original Japanese version of that line.
Each tanka is divided into two parts: the upper phrase and the lower phrase. The upper phrase consists of the first three lines, and the last two lines make up the lower phrase. The upper phrase typically depicts an image, and the lower phrase presents the poet's ideas about that image. In traditional poetic forms, this point where the tone of the poem shifts is called the turn. In my example, the poet presents an image of faded cherry blossoms, and after the turn, she compares her own life to the wasted beauty of those blossoms.
While haiku poems are usually (but not always) about nature, tanka are often personal reflections on love and other strong emotions. Tanka also use figurative language. In the example below, the poet uses a metaphor: the wilted cherry blossoms become representations of her life.
This one is by Ono no Komachi from about the year 850:
the color of the cherry blossom
has faded in vain
in the long rain
while in idle thoughts
I have spent my life.
Good luck to you.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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With all due respect, I disagree with you. There many versions of what a tanka consists of, and you flashing you Tanka (by the way tanka is never in caps) Society of American membership card does not change that, nor impress me. Since you aren't supposed to know who I am, I will assume you have no idea how long I been writing tanka. It's a shame Alvin (our true teacher of Japanese short form is gone). He would have laughed at this review. None the less, thank you for the five and please feel free to change it at any time.
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I knew Alvin Etherington quite well, and I think he was too good hearted to laugh at anyone's opinion, thank you.
I took 2 of his classes on haiku poetry in 2014.
You DO realize this is the 21st century, do you not? There are now contemporary haiku and tanka poets.
Get with the times...
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Laugh out loud.
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That's really all you have left...
Comment from Cedar
This is a beautiful but sad Tanka. The presentation of your entry is gorgeous. I wish you good luck in the contest...Bill
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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This is a beautiful but sad Tanka. The presentation of your entry is gorgeous. I wish you good luck in the contest...Bill
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the lovely review
Comment from dmt1967
I like the red background as it goes with the title and theme of the poem. A single vase of flowers gives this poem a very simple feel and fits with the style of poem. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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I like the red background as it goes with the title and theme of the poem. A single vase of flowers gives this poem a very simple feel and fits with the style of poem. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Thank you for your lovely review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt and sad tanka. Our lives are like a flower once we are picked to bloom, we start to wilt and slowly die. Live each day as if it is our last in the best way we can.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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A very well-written heartfelt and sad tanka. Our lives are like a flower once we are picked to bloom, we start to wilt and slowly die. Live each day as if it is our last in the best way we can.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Thank you for your lovely review.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Tanka for this fine poem and the explanation of tanka. I always though tankas were how we won the war. Whoever had the most tankas won the battle. That's how we beet Rommel.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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Tanka for this fine poem and the explanation of tanka. I always though tankas were how we won the war. Whoever had the most tankas won the battle. That's how we beet Rommel.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
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LOL, a tanka is Japanese Short Form poetry. But I am glad to see you liked my version of a tanka enough to give it a five. Thank you
Comment from Sharon Haiste
A lot of meaning her with a few words. Not the easiest thing to do.
Well done. Lovely picture.
Good luck to you with the Tanka poem competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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A lot of meaning her with a few words. Not the easiest thing to do.
Well done. Lovely picture.
Good luck to you with the Tanka poem competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Thank you
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Thank you so much for sharing your tanka for the contest. I appreciate you sharing the definition of the poetic form, and I have to agree with you that so many tankas on FanStory do not conform. Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Hi there;
Thank you so much for sharing your tanka for the contest. I appreciate you sharing the definition of the poetic form, and I have to agree with you that so many tankas on FanStory do not conform. Good luck in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 12-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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THANK YOU. I don't post much more, since I am into Japanese Short Form writing.