Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

This was a difficult poem to read and understand, I found, Mikey. First part about the sea was a little silky, too slippery for me to grab. The second part was easier to read as the printing was clearer and I recognise the reference to the Boston tea party! How the poor slaves got on being domesticated I have no idea, and I see the incongruity between slaves and lady freedom. It probably leaves a lot of Americans with a guilty conscience, but that could be true of just about every Western country because of their history. Philosophy corner aside how are you keeping, my friend? I do hope you are on top of the world, as am I, Giddy

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

Hi, Giddy

This was pretty vague, I admit. LOL
I tried to make it pretty at least. It's about slavery, but the slavery of women. It just occurred to me that they came over here without much in the way of rights, much like slaves. They couldn't vote, or have much say in anything. So, that's why I used the Statue of Liberty. Anyway, no one got it, so don't feel alone. HA! Thanks for taking the time as always. I'm glad you got something out of it anyway. That's the idea with free verse really, it should have a lot of room for the reader to find their own ideas. :)) mike

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello, Michael,

AWesome free verse and prose, it reminds me of haibun. Beautiful presentation...I love the picture...where did you find it? It's perfect for the poem about slavery and freedom. You are so good at writing free verse...well done, honey.

gypsy hugs

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

Hi there Ms. Gypsy

Just a picture of stars on the water GIF. Got lucky. I'm so pleased you enjoyed. This was about women as slaves. I don't think anyone caught that. But slavery in general was the idea. I added Lady Liberty to signify women as they came over too with no rights really. :)) mike

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Mikey;
This was such a nice and pretty poem, and then, you went all dark and twisty. While it is so true the slaves were 'used' for much more than menial tasks, I think the Puritans still thought they were just doing them good; you know 'cause they let them eat the leftovers after the meal,

~patty~

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

Hi there, Patty

I was trying to draw a parallel between blacks as slaves and women. It occurred to me that women came here on boats and had very few rights too. Just a little twist. But, yes, slavery was the theme. :)) mike

Comment from Brigitte Elko

Excellent

This is very elegantly written and stirs the pot of the reader's imagination. The paragraphs after the poem, are relevant information and need to be time capsuled. Loving the freedom and mystery of the sea, I loved this rendering.
Thank you for sharing this poignant piece.
Fan Friend,
Brigitte

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

Hi, Brigitte

Thanks for the thoughtful response and insights. I'm so pleased you enjoyed. mike

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Exceptional

This beautiful rippling water has you free floating from one lovely verse to another with the freedom of the waves.
Really enjoyed the first verse that I would call along the lines of prose poetry -the moon is seen and the moon sees....but a slave is still a slave
Then the contrast between the Pilgrims and the slaves. Well done mike, beautiful presentation.
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

So pleased you enjoyed this. I kind of liked this myself. I started out looking at a picture of the Statue of Liberty and it occurred to me that women came here much like slaves, with few rights and that was on my mind as I wrote this. So, yes, about slavery, but with a little twist ... at least in my mind. I'm thrilled with your descriptions, that's what I was trying to do. :)) mike

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written free verse poem. We all seek freedom and most of us never get freedom. We become slaves of money and possessions of materialistic things that have no purpose.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

Ah, yes. An interesting observation and most true. I had women in mind when I wrote this and how they, like slaves, had very few rights when they came here as well. :)) mike

Comment from Gloria ....

Exceptional

Beautiful presentation. I love the paradise reflecting in the ocean.

It reads out loud beautifully. Your word choices and consonance complete the sounds into solid but soft endings, if that makes any sense. For instance grand and ship and that thing we all crave -- freedom, but alas it is captive to the tides and the moon. Wrought with danger another one where the flight lands softly.

Then the union of sky and sea, the event horizon where things happen or vanish. In comes those forces that wish to enslave the beauty of freedom, the ethereal quality they wish to own for themselves, but it slips through their fingers like mist.

I very much enjoy the allusion to carnal purposes with the candles juxtaposed with clean and freshly starched linen. Ah to be able to write such beautiful free verse as yours.

This is fantastic and one if not the best from your pen yet.

Exceptional!

Ange

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

I'm so thrilled you enjoyed the writing itself. I DID spend a lot of time trying to choose the right words and phrasing. I wanted to paint certain pictures and it seems for the most part I was successful. I cannot ask for more. You are always too generous and I appreciate it so much. Thanks a million. (I liked this myself, rare for me)

Mav

Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

Wow. Awesome post, dear friend. Certainly a six. Highlights apt details of those terrible sea journeys of slaves. Outstanding Haibun hybrid of prose and poetry. The poetry is prose like and the prose is poetic. Well done!

Superb fluid flow. Superb intensity in tone and tenor. Superb imagery. Superb originality. Superb presentations s well. Excellent phonetics too. No nits except this line needs a cap:

if you sail far enough into the night,
If you sail far enough into the night,


Favorite bits:

sin sinks 'neath the
teal waves

Ironic and brilliant:

the motion of freedom
captive to the tides
abiding in the whim
of the wind


LOVE THIS:

if you sail far enough into the night, the sky and the sea become one and envelop all within ... stars are no longer there, they are everywhere ... the moon is seen and the moon sees ... but a slave is still a slave and chains are earthbound without mystery ... moans haunt the reverie of righteousness ... wrong is wrong ...

Excellent segway:

poetry is pretty

Suggestion:
After all(,) it was tea time

And(,) when the candles were snuffed(,) they served a more carnal purpose among the

Nice alliteration:

lightly starched linens they had laundered to perfection that very day.



Ironic and memorable closing three liner:


Lady Liberty
an image of a slave
herald's freedom


Bravo.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

I made those changes. Well, I made them right away. This is a couple days later. LOL
I'm beside myself and have been for days. What a wonderful encouraging review. I liked this myself, so I'm THRILLED that you do as well. Yes, it is exactly as you have read it. I did have women in mind too though as I imagined them aboard the ships ALSO without much freedom or rights. Also a struggle that exists to this day and that inspired the last bit about Lady Liberty.
Thanks soooooo much. The extra stars look lovely upon the water. :)) mike

reply by rama devi on 26-Oct-2017

Yay! :-)))))))) Love your repsonse, dear Mike.

Comment from nordicgirl

Exceptional

I can't say I understand this fully although it does make me feel things. I get a sense of potential I guess and a sense of getting lost when I read about the ocean and imagine us upon it back then. I know this is about slavery, but it isn't the slavery we normally think of, is it? I know you, so that gives me a clue. Women, right? Anyway, the part in different type sounds like a woman and Lady Liberty is a woman, soooooo. I loved this anyway, even if I'm wrong. NG

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

YES, YES, YES! You are right. You know I'm a total feminist though, so you're cheating. HAHAHA!

I'm so pleased that you liked reading this. It's one thing for a fellow poet who knows the little tricks etc. But I'm really trying to write something that anyone might enjoy. So, I think you're telling me that. Well, I'll pretend you are. Thanks a bunch. michael

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

My passion was the last slave ship and this is a deep rendition of what happens above and below the chains. YOu do have a way with words master michael

 Comment Written 23-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2017

Aww ... you're too kind. NOW, think of women as slaves and imagine them ALSO on these boats coming across the ocean with no rights to speak of. That was part of what I was thinking as I wrote this. :)) mike