The Eidolon
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Chapter 8: The Eidolon"Family heinously murdered. The question is by who?
10 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
Hey Brett this is very well written it was easy to read and flowed well I had no problems with it the grammar here Seaman energy was perfect ejective content as well as objects of content flowed well together where it also excellent descriptive measured combined it all and it was very extremely well-written thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Hey Brett this is very well written it was easy to read and flowed well I had no problems with it the grammar here Seaman energy was perfect ejective content as well as objects of content flowed well together where it also excellent descriptive measured combined it all and it was very extremely well-written thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is obviously an interesting story.
Even though I've come in part way through I can get a sense of the characters and the situation.
Well done.
I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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This is obviously an interesting story.
Even though I've come in part way through I can get a sense of the characters and the situation.
Well done.
I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Appreciate you taking the time to read this posting and to pen a review.
Comment from pbomar1115
Ricky Darden, one of Detective Darden's twin sons appears to be having mental problems. He hears voices, imagine turning himself into a horrible monster, and objects are moving. Also, he stole a baseball bat from his PE class at school.
Phillip
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Ricky Darden, one of Detective Darden's twin sons appears to be having mental problems. He hears voices, imagine turning himself into a horrible monster, and objects are moving. Also, he stole a baseball bat from his PE class at school.
Phillip
Comment Written 27-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to pen a review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, Brett:
First of all, let me say that - you know that I love the Build a Boy Truisms:
BUILD A BETTER BOY TRUISM #13: Teach him to ride a two-wheel bicycle. It means freedom for the boy. For your health, especially while he is learning to ride the bike, jog along beside him.
I see now that we are learning something more about one of Detective Darden's twin boys, Ricky. I wondered what the shadows were in the garage but when you included that he hears voices from time to time - I realized that he maybe a little schizophrenic. This is an interesting turn of events.
I can't wait to see how this plays into the rest of the story. I was waiting to see what happened that Drew Larsen is now missing from the medical facility. It seems that he has escaped from the mental facility. I hope that he is not messing with Darden's son's mind.
Anyway I am eager to see the rest of this story so I am still following it. It's great to see you post again. Have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Good morning, Brett:
First of all, let me say that - you know that I love the Build a Boy Truisms:
BUILD A BETTER BOY TRUISM #13: Teach him to ride a two-wheel bicycle. It means freedom for the boy. For your health, especially while he is learning to ride the bike, jog along beside him.
I see now that we are learning something more about one of Detective Darden's twin boys, Ricky. I wondered what the shadows were in the garage but when you included that he hears voices from time to time - I realized that he maybe a little schizophrenic. This is an interesting turn of events.
I can't wait to see how this plays into the rest of the story. I was waiting to see what happened that Drew Larsen is now missing from the medical facility. It seems that he has escaped from the mental facility. I hope that he is not messing with Darden's son's mind.
Anyway I am eager to see the rest of this story so I am still following it. It's great to see you post again. Have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Sankey
Wow! Has something sinister possessed one of the detective's boys?
This was a queer chapter. Is it a dream? Perhaps a joining kind of chapter.
Just one question about the following? "You,??(Yes??) ma'am,"
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Wow! Has something sinister possessed one of the detective's boys?
This was a queer chapter. Is it a dream? Perhaps a joining kind of chapter.
Just one question about the following? "You,??(Yes??) ma'am,"
Comment Written 26-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter.
As always, appreciate the review and you taking the time to read my writing.
Comment from country ranch writer
Maybe they will find out he was not in his right mind when he killed everyone and they will see the monster for what it really was just that a monster .
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Maybe they will find out he was not in his right mind when he killed everyone and they will see the monster for what it really was just that a monster .
Comment Written 26-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Eidolon- I am currently studying Greek literature or rather the Greek Gods and what they got up to with a view to writing in depth about them. So I was very interested to read about Eidolon....I don't write fluff reviews, I genuinely enjoyed your work, admittedly I was drawn in by the incredible artwork but the work was more than the makings of it. A brilliant write with real depth and that is not fluff or being kind- I am known for leaving 3 or 4 star ratings if I am not fond or something needs improvement. Kind regards and well done on a thrilling write. Meia x
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Eidolon- I am currently studying Greek literature or rather the Greek Gods and what they got up to with a view to writing in depth about them. So I was very interested to read about Eidolon....I don't write fluff reviews, I genuinely enjoyed your work, admittedly I was drawn in by the incredible artwork but the work was more than the makings of it. A brilliant write with real depth and that is not fluff or being kind- I am known for leaving 3 or 4 star ratings if I am not fond or something needs improvement. Kind regards and well done on a thrilling write. Meia x
Comment Written 26-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Rasmine
Brett,
Good chapter. Strong writing. I like the suspense. This is a great story to put someone in the mood for Halloween. Love it!
Okay, tried to find something wrong and couldn't. Except I'm not into baseball. Actually, yes, I have a concern. Is your artwork from 'Stranger Things' on Netflix? I was just wondering. (Not really a concern, just a wonder.)
This is really going well. Can't wait for the next.
Actually, another concern about the fluff reviews. I think it does help writers to get member cents to promote their own writing. Don't you do this? Sometimes when you need the member cents and can't afford to lay down a credit card, a fluff review is a quick fix. But, I wish they were written personally and not cut and paste; I get some of those on FanArt, possible here also, but I haven't noticed. I would like a least a minute spent on a review. I realize people work and have families, so time is a concern, too. For me, it's sickness -- blah! :P
Hey, keep on writing!
Nome
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Brett,
Good chapter. Strong writing. I like the suspense. This is a great story to put someone in the mood for Halloween. Love it!
Okay, tried to find something wrong and couldn't. Except I'm not into baseball. Actually, yes, I have a concern. Is your artwork from 'Stranger Things' on Netflix? I was just wondering. (Not really a concern, just a wonder.)
This is really going well. Can't wait for the next.
Actually, another concern about the fluff reviews. I think it does help writers to get member cents to promote their own writing. Don't you do this? Sometimes when you need the member cents and can't afford to lay down a credit card, a fluff review is a quick fix. But, I wish they were written personally and not cut and paste; I get some of those on FanArt, possible here also, but I haven't noticed. I would like a least a minute spent on a review. I realize people work and have families, so time is a concern, too. For me, it's sickness -- blah! :P
Hey, keep on writing!
Nome
Comment Written 26-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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No my artwork is from FanArt. Almost all of my artwork comes from FanArt.
No, I do not write fluff reviews and I really wish not to receive them either.
I have never purchased pumps on a credit card. To me, that is a waste of real money, not the funny money this site operates on.
Comment from teols2016
Very interesting. I'll have to go back and read previous chapters. I did not notice any blue numbers, but I use screen-reading software, so it might not be able to pick those up.
A couple things:
"Ting-a-Ling! Ting-a-Ling!" they said.: I think it would be more effective without the quotation marks and the "they said. The description of the sound itself is perfect. That line by itself would echo in any reader's ear when they read it.
"You, ma'am," Ricky lied, "I just went out to make sure I'd put my bike in the garage like you asked me to.": quotation marks are missing at the beginning here; I think you meant "yes, Ma'am"; I wouldn't use the word "lied" here only because the lie comes after it...use something like "said" or "replied" and then maybe add a line about the lie
Quietly, he tiptoed, unnoticed, up the stairs to his bedroom. His prized trophy in hand.: this should probably be all in one sentence as the second sentence you've got here is incomplete
These are minor blemishes in your work. I really enjoyed reading it. I look forward to catching up and moving forward.
Well done.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Very interesting. I'll have to go back and read previous chapters. I did not notice any blue numbers, but I use screen-reading software, so it might not be able to pick those up.
A couple things:
"Ting-a-Ling! Ting-a-Ling!" they said.: I think it would be more effective without the quotation marks and the "they said. The description of the sound itself is perfect. That line by itself would echo in any reader's ear when they read it.
"You, ma'am," Ricky lied, "I just went out to make sure I'd put my bike in the garage like you asked me to.": quotation marks are missing at the beginning here; I think you meant "yes, Ma'am"; I wouldn't use the word "lied" here only because the lie comes after it...use something like "said" or "replied" and then maybe add a line about the lie
Quietly, he tiptoed, unnoticed, up the stairs to his bedroom. His prized trophy in hand.: this should probably be all in one sentence as the second sentence you've got here is incomplete
These are minor blemishes in your work. I really enjoyed reading it. I look forward to catching up and moving forward.
Well done.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Appreciate the recommendations.
Glad you enjoyed this chapter.
Thanks for taking the time to read it and to pen a review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter. Ricky, the son of the detective seems to be collecting the items needed for a very similar crime done by Drew Larsen, the murder case his father is investigating at the moment. Revenge seems to be the motive for his actions.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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A very well-written chapter. Ricky, the son of the detective seems to be collecting the items needed for a very similar crime done by Drew Larsen, the murder case his father is investigating at the moment. Revenge seems to be the motive for his actions.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2017
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter.