Comment from Bob Stanton

Good

Pretty damned good. Marked you down a star coz you could have at least let the bleary thing have a flap or two of it's wings before suffering its demise. :)


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 Comment Written 05-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

If I knew I'd lose a star for that, I would have had a kid walk by and rip his wings off.

Comment from dracofelsinensis

Excellent

I had never thought of a butterfly's life in the way you put it in your first para', i.e. are there any memories from the caterpillar phase? The monarch leaves the safe but sterile 'swaddled environment' and (very) briefly enjoys freedom and magnificence. So much for that first 'flight'! I liked the beetle pondering the price of beauty. One of Balzac's characters (in 'La Cousine Bette') said: "Le solide vaut mille fois le beau" = "Strong is worth a thousand times more than beautiful". I personally found the font size and the colours a little distracting but that's only a minor quibble; this is very good.

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

The font has been a distraction. I've eliminated the black words and darkened the general font color. The font size will always be 22 on prose.

Comment from closetpoetjester

Excellent

LOL An interesting first flight for the beautiful monarch and yes there is a lesson about vanity somewhere in there haha

I enjoyed this litte nature interlude incorporating that huge list...the only disconcerting thing was the way the black ones ambushed me as I read.

Maybe just a darker orange would suffice so it shows a difference but not so stark. Just a thought for presentation and also to avoid any diminishing of your cleverly weaved poetic blanket of promise.

Well done! Enjoyed immensely.
I think the beetle got some good life advice there haha
The grass is NEVER greener LOL...the minute you think that, it gets eaten right in front of your big bulging eyes LOL

Cheers P

 Comment Written 05-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 05-Oct-2017

Thanks, P. Not every butterfly makes it to the ball, I guess. I doubt if having brunch with a spider would be much better. The colors deal was an afterthought, but I probably could have searched the color bar for a darker shade.

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

N yes my friend this is well written I must admit though the colour choice for me didn't work I know your trying to add the colour to emphasize the beauty of the butterfly it affects my eyes. This is a wonderful story about metamorphosis I enjoyed regards Jill

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017

Thanks, Mrs P. Sorry about your peepers.

Comment from nomi338

Excellent

The deadly curse of incredible beauty is that of course it sometimes attracts the notice of hungry predators. Few give much notice to what is considered ugly, drab, ordinary. Oh if we are desperate, we might indulge, but the rare and remarkably beautifu; will attract much attention, sometimes the wrong attention.

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017

Beauty is the curse we have to live with.

Comment from Asem.inspirations

Excellent

Wow! Bravo, Bravo, Bravo! Bill, you have told this story so beautifully, it read so poetically, like a marvelous free verse. It read like a magnificent ballet, a lovely dance. I just don't know how else to say that this story was so well written and so eloquent. I am in love with the way you told this story.

You have read many of my poems and where have I been? I am going to read more from your portfolio because, Wow, this story has captured my heart. You are an amazing writer. I wish I had a six to rate it. WOW, applause, applause, applause!

 Comment Written 04-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017

Thanks so much, Tier, for the fantastic review. I wish everything I wrote struck readers as this has you. I hope my other stuff doesn't disappoint. I tend to lean towards humor.

reply by Asem.inspirations on 04-Oct-2017

I'm sure that it won't. It never does.

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very cute story about the little caterpillar. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. I love the picture you use for this. Blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Oct-2017

Thanks, Teri

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi Bill;
I truly wish I had a six left for you. This piece was well written, poignant, and full of the wonder of nature. I loved the perspective of the other critters and I almost felt sorry for the spider.

Just lovely,

~patty~

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2017

Thanks, Patty.

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Ah, Mother Nature has a few simple rules--and an enormously cruel sense of humor. But, truth is, we're all on someone's menu. I have a particular fear of hyenas--there's nothing laugh-worthy about being eaten. I give the African savannah wide berth.

I like the simplicity with which you tell your tale. But I can't decipher the meaning behind the two font colors.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2017

Monarch butterflies are orange and black. I chose random words that could be meaningful to individual readers.

reply by humpwhistle on 03-Oct-2017

Yes, I recognized the Monarch colors--rather halloween-ish, too. I mistakenly assumed the chosen words formed some sort of code. I over analyze. L

Comment from Mitchell Brontė

Excellent

Hi Bill, excellent use of graphics that marry lovely with your picture but significant the highlighted black words, powerful, all encumbering stand alone statements of life's journey.
Really enjoyed this
Mitchell

 Comment Written 03-Oct-2017

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2017

Thanks, Mitchell, for the kind review. Bill