Fortune Cookies
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Shadows"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
31 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your use of allusion will draw the reader in. This line reminds me of cone of Rilke's quotes about living the questions and eventually realizing we are now living the answer: "Yet, unknowingly, the truth subtly reveals itself in some form or another." Good foreshadowing: "However, no memory would be as defining as one particular event which he would soon face." Part of this is too eerie. I wrote a poem on here called "Daddy Will You? You'd appreciate it. Feel free review free to read it on my portfolio.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Your use of allusion will draw the reader in. This line reminds me of cone of Rilke's quotes about living the questions and eventually realizing we are now living the answer: "Yet, unknowingly, the truth subtly reveals itself in some form or another." Good foreshadowing: "However, no memory would be as defining as one particular event which he would soon face." Part of this is too eerie. I wrote a poem on here called "Daddy Will You? You'd appreciate it. Feel free review free to read it on my portfolio.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2023
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Thank you. I?m rather a novice to Fanstory, but very interesting in which sparks my curiosity. Thank you for your review
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Comment from lyenochka
That's spooky! And though this six won't add to your rank for this year because this post was written in 2017, I hope you know I really enjoyed reading it. So El did meet his grandfather although he was a ghost!
It's heartbreaking that the father was too tired and unwilling to spend time with his children. But that's so typical of immigrant family life.
out-of-date (outdated) That's so funny that the fridge is old but the La-Z-Boy chair is new!
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2023
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That's spooky! And though this six won't add to your rank for this year because this post was written in 2017, I hope you know I really enjoyed reading it. So El did meet his grandfather although he was a ghost!
It's heartbreaking that the father was too tired and unwilling to spend time with his children. But that's so typical of immigrant family life.
out-of-date (outdated) That's so funny that the fridge is old but the La-Z-Boy chair is new!
Comment Written 04-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2023
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Hello, Helen! Thank you for this review. It means a lot to me in trying to get my footing back on track. I appreciate your continued support and insightful feedback. Thank you!
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Excellent story. The boy evidently thought he was neglected. The television is a technology item that we'll focus on sometimes other than our own child. This is a fact I find in your story.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2019
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Excellent story. The boy evidently thought he was neglected. The television is a technology item that we'll focus on sometimes other than our own child. This is a fact I find in your story.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2019
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Absolutely. It?s one of many consequences involving technological singularity. Thank you for again for an insightful comment. Hope you can tell me what you think of Chapter 3? That would complete the first part of the book. Thank you again!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Cybertron1986
I have read chapter one of your mysterious book
Super Fortune Cookies has me intrigued to find out if there is an unknown source of life that for some reason is should I say, controlling Eu El mind?
Gert
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Hello Cybertron1986
I have read chapter one of your mysterious book
Super Fortune Cookies has me intrigued to find out if there is an unknown source of life that for some reason is should I say, controlling Eu El mind?
Gert
Comment Written 06-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2019
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Hi, Gert.
Thank you again for such a kind rating and response to my chapter. To answer your question, the only thing controlling El?s mind would be the memory of neglect from his father, and the abusive nature of his brother. Hope that intrigues you to read more. Thank you again.
Regards,
Euell
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm going to enjoy this story. I have know that happen to people when a family member has died. It's as if they are doing the rounds to say goodbye to those they loved or hadn't got to meet. Eu El, obviously has a psychic ability of some sort. Well done, this was really engrossing. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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I'm going to enjoy this story. I have know that happen to people when a family member has died. It's as if they are doing the rounds to say goodbye to those they loved or hadn't got to meet. Eu El, obviously has a psychic ability of some sort. Well done, this was really engrossing. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Thank you for a wonderful review and rating. I certainly hope you are able to read the additional chapters, and would love to hear your insights! Thank you again.
Comment from karenina
I took a chance and dove in, not knowing the depth of the water or the dangers that lurk in unexpected eddies... This is quite apiece of writing you've got here! Your style of writing is conversational...I felt you were relating a tale to me across a table. Some like it formal...I find this approachably intriguing. I've had some experience with the "other side of shadows"--so this one stuck with me.
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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I took a chance and dove in, not knowing the depth of the water or the dangers that lurk in unexpected eddies... This is quite apiece of writing you've got here! Your style of writing is conversational...I felt you were relating a tale to me across a table. Some like it formal...I find this approachably intriguing. I've had some experience with the "other side of shadows"--so this one stuck with me.
Karenina
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Interesting! I?m glad this story was able to relate to you as the reader. One of my motivations of writing this is to correlate and fit the pieces of a large puzzle relating to the subject of paranormal together. Thank you for sharing a helpful review.
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I have always had a "push me/pull you affair with things paranormal--have experienced some real unexplainable events myself...it's frightening to allow myself to believe...I'm always afraid I'll open the door to something dark!
Comment from Gloria ....
I must admit I love that U2 tune, one of my favourites, so that makes for a great opening.
Great humour in the second-born son line, yes that satellite did tend to become a centrepiece of TV action.
, his father shuts the televsion (television) off as effortlessly as a blind man reading brail. (braille)
Excellent chapter, Cybertron, cool dialogue and an innovative premise.
A most enjoyable read today. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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I must admit I love that U2 tune, one of my favourites, so that makes for a great opening.
Great humour in the second-born son line, yes that satellite did tend to become a centrepiece of TV action.
, his father shuts the televsion (television) off as effortlessly as a blind man reading brail. (braille)
Excellent chapter, Cybertron, cool dialogue and an innovative premise.
A most enjoyable read today. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 28-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thank you. Your review brightened my day. I appreciate those notable errors. Your attention to detail is impressive. You?re the only who caught it! :)
Comment from Kelly Hanna
This is a good story and seems like a great series! You really built the relationship between Eu El and his father. I enjoyed being able to learn so much about their relationship in a short chapter. You tied in the shadow world at the end nicely. It blwnese well. This read really well and I saw no errors. Great job!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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This is a good story and seems like a great series! You really built the relationship between Eu El and his father. I enjoyed being able to learn so much about their relationship in a short chapter. You tied in the shadow world at the end nicely. It blwnese well. This read really well and I saw no errors. Great job!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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Thank you! :) Your review made my weekend.
Comment from DonMac
I noticed that you posted this chapter a little over a year ago, so you're probably pretty far along with the book by now, if not finished with it.
I'm a big fan of the supernatural and you've got me going on this chapter enough that I will have to go back and read the earlier chapters.
A couple of small things I noticed that you, no doubt, have addressed by now; where you wrote, 'Eu El continues, slightly (more bolder) and not overthinking', and then, 'His father pauses, noticing the hint of acceptance begin to reveal from his son's eyes'. I think this could be worded better.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter and look forward to reading more from you.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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I noticed that you posted this chapter a little over a year ago, so you're probably pretty far along with the book by now, if not finished with it.
I'm a big fan of the supernatural and you've got me going on this chapter enough that I will have to go back and read the earlier chapters.
A couple of small things I noticed that you, no doubt, have addressed by now; where you wrote, 'Eu El continues, slightly (more bolder) and not overthinking', and then, 'His father pauses, noticing the hint of acceptance begin to reveal from his son's eyes'. I think this could be worded better.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter and look forward to reading more from you.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from beizanten
Interesting summary, you capture my interest. a pretty interesting plotline yet I think the story is much longer than needed. great work , keep up the great job!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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Interesting summary, you capture my interest. a pretty interesting plotline yet I think the story is much longer than needed. great work , keep up the great job!
Comment Written 26-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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Thank you. I appreciate your insight and review.