Question Mark
There's no waking up from this nightmare.50 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Andre, I'm shaken by this stark poem that really brings home the true horror of what has happened. How can anybody be so disturbed as to kill his kids and the wife. One thing is to take his own life, but to take them all? Your poem is beautiful and the repetitions just brings the desperation home.
I've been on holiday and I'm catching up. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Andre, I'm shaken by this stark poem that really brings home the true horror of what has happened. How can anybody be so disturbed as to kill his kids and the wife. One thing is to take his own life, but to take them all? Your poem is beautiful and the repetitions just brings the desperation home.
I've been on holiday and I'm catching up. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 30-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2017
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Yes, Ulla, many of us had question marks on our faces as we asked the sane question: How could Kevin take his entire family with him to the grave? We will never know. Thank you for your heartfelt review of my song about a tragedy.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Very well done poem/song stands on its own (I didn't catch the cadence of the songs you used) and tells a very sad true story. Well done with all the POVs. I am sorry for the loss of your friends. Such a terrible tragedy.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Very well done poem/song stands on its own (I didn't catch the cadence of the songs you used) and tells a very sad true story. Well done with all the POVs. I am sorry for the loss of your friends. Such a terrible tragedy.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2017
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Yes, Kathleen, many reviewers have noted my use of multiple POVs. That is unique for a song of this subject. As for the songs noted in the notes, I used them for structure and not cadence. It didn't work in my songwriting class to sing this to Springsteen's song. I have to develope my own voice and cadence.
Thank you for your review and condolences.
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You're welcome. Long ago, one of my bosses committed suicide. I had no clue he was going through anything. :-(
Comment from Irish Rain
So very sad. Especially that he shot his wife and children. He may have been at a 'breaking point'....doesn't mean she was. Just tragic. Well written, blessings....
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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So very sad. Especially that he shot his wife and children. He may have been at a 'breaking point'....doesn't mean she was. Just tragic. Well written, blessings....
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Yes, Irish Rain, tragic. I miss this family. Better to let the business go and downsize to a smaller home than to slaughter your whole family. Thank you for your review and blessings.
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Absolutely!! A tragic shame, may God rest their souls.
Comment from patcelaw
Sis Cat, you have done a beautiful song of this tragic happening. It is so sad and it makes me shudder just to think of the horror that must have gone through the children and the wife. That indeed would be a worse nightmare for anyone. Patricia
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Sis Cat, you have done a beautiful song of this tragic happening. It is so sad and it makes me shudder just to think of the horror that must have gone through the children and the wife. That indeed would be a worse nightmare for anyone. Patricia
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Yes, Patricia, this is the worst nightmare for anyone. Kevin shot his children in the back seat first. It appeared that Kawai got out of the car and attempted to run when he shot her, too, and then himself. I do not want to think of the horror to pass through the minds of the second daughter and the wife killed. Thank you for your review of my tragic song.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
This is perfect. I don't know how someone could murder their family and then kill themselves. No, I know why you'd kill yourself after you kill your family. How could you live with yourself? I think everyone goes through financial troubles. I actually learned how to juggle bills from my mom. She taught us what to pay when money is tight first, what places will do like a partial payment kind of thing. They never got help from anyone but we always had a stable (they've lived in the same house for over 35 years), we always had food, we were always able to do extra little things at school. Money troubles or not they (my parents) talked with each other and somehow made it work. My heart broke reading your notes. Your song is perfect
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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This is perfect. I don't know how someone could murder their family and then kill themselves. No, I know why you'd kill yourself after you kill your family. How could you live with yourself? I think everyone goes through financial troubles. I actually learned how to juggle bills from my mom. She taught us what to pay when money is tight first, what places will do like a partial payment kind of thing. They never got help from anyone but we always had a stable (they've lived in the same house for over 35 years), we always had food, we were always able to do extra little things at school. Money troubles or not they (my parents) talked with each other and somehow made it work. My heart broke reading your notes. Your song is perfect
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Yes, this is tragic, tragic all over. It's hard to believe he killed his family and himself ten years ago. Many families have financial troubles but mercifully few go through the extreme of killing everyone. This is a heartbreaking song and notes. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Keith Pennington
Very nice poem, rhythmic and rhyming. Draws one into the story but It was not clear to me what the poet was really trying to convey. I liked the poems flow very much
but it did not grab my interest , it just did not just resonate in my heart and mind.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Very nice poem, rhythmic and rhyming. Draws one into the story but It was not clear to me what the poet was really trying to convey. I liked the poems flow very much
but it did not grab my interest , it just did not just resonate in my heart and mind.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Keith, for your review. Many reviewers only understood my song after reading my notes. I will soldier on. Thanks.
Comment from Curly Girly
Oh, wow! You wrote an excellent poem here about a very bad thing.
Your comprehensive author notes were good to read. After reading them, I felt I understood why your face was a question mark. Whose wouldn't be? Maybe her husband thought she cheated on him.
Scary stuff--a living nightmare indeed.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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Oh, wow! You wrote an excellent poem here about a very bad thing.
Your comprehensive author notes were good to read. After reading them, I felt I understood why your face was a question mark. Whose wouldn't be? Maybe her husband thought she cheated on him.
Scary stuff--a living nightmare indeed.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2017
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No, Curly Girly, he said it was the finances. Before their deaths which he had been planning for at least two months, Kevin left detailed instructions on closing the skin-care clinic. Still, we all have question marks on our faces as to why kill your entire family. We will never know. Thank you for your heartfelt review.
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Oops, I missed that part.
Finances are a killer.
As foreigners, maybe he felt his family would be unprotected. No going forward and no returning home--too shameful to lose face. Eastern people take that sort of thing more seriously than westerners. I've heard of this thing before; sadly, it's not that uncommon.
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Here's another twist for you, Curly Girl. Kevin was a white American while Kawai was Japanese. We will never know.
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Oh, that's odd. Very peculiar indeed. You're right--we'll never know.
Comment from Wendy Winter
Thank you for this incredible poem and tribute. I spent a great deal of time reading and reflecting on your beautifully chosen words. My Son died of natural causes on 7/27/2017 and I keep consoling myself with the truth that it was natural causes verses a trauma. I did not have the chance to know these angels. Now because of your action I will see their smiles in my memory.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2017
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Thank you for this incredible poem and tribute. I spent a great deal of time reading and reflecting on your beautifully chosen words. My Son died of natural causes on 7/27/2017 and I keep consoling myself with the truth that it was natural causes verses a trauma. I did not have the chance to know these angels. Now because of your action I will see their smiles in my memory.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2017
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Yes, Wendy, there is a particular trauma involved with a murder-suicide, especially one involving a spouse and children, unlike anything I have witnessed before. There is grief, anger, confusion, and shame. Neither Kawai's family nor Kevin's family wanted to talk to the press. At the memorial service, which did not display a picture of Kevin, people railed against him. He was buried in another state away from the family he killed. I focus on their laughter and smiles to get me through the day.
Thank you for giving my tribute song its last six star review before the certificate expired.
Comment from EverInParadise
This is an amazing poem and thank you for telling the background story. I chose to not read it before I read the poem. For me, it told and showed a scene of horror so difficult to absorb and a shock to all who knew them. The verses about the witnesses are powerful. The question mark applied to each character ties this together. Well done.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2017
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This is an amazing poem and thank you for telling the background story. I chose to not read it before I read the poem. For me, it told and showed a scene of horror so difficult to absorb and a shock to all who knew them. The verses about the witnesses are powerful. The question mark applied to each character ties this together. Well done.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2017
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Yes, EverInParadise, many reviewers have remarked about my use of multiple vantage points. Most popular songs about murder tell the song from the killer's perspective to make him or her sympathetic as he or she argues why he or she did what they did. Even though Kevin left a suicide note, people who saw him but did not know what he was planning have a lot of question marks on their faces. I wonder if I could have stopped him if we were closer friends and I talked to him more when he worked as an office manager at his wife's skin-care clinic. Given that he bought the gun two months earlier and planned the triple homicide the day after Father's Day which coincided with his daughter's birthday, Kevin was determined to die and to take his family with him like a pharaoh burying himself with his slaves or soldiers to accompany him in the afterlife.
Thank you for your generous, six star review. I appreciate it.
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As difficult as this was to deal with in the first person who did a wonderful job of including the most important voices and the questions left behind.
Comment from RGstar
Hard to do a song about something like this but you did well where it did not belittle the occasion or cause thoughts to connect to the murders.
These kind of songs are always difficult because of mixed emotions, even though there has been a few who have had success.
One thing though, Sis Cat, which I can recommend. For example, the verse below, which is splendid.
A good tool is to write such as this in Present tense...always more impact than past tense. Even just that verse would be a good breakaway and give a more powerful angle to the statement.
Example;
"Black as ink, black as night,
Darkness surrounded him.
Who was he? Where's his light?
He strained. All appeared dim."
Black as ink, black as night,
Darkness surrounds him.
Who is he? Where's his light?
He strains. All appears dim.
It is actually an art to write in both tenses, not a lot of authors know that , but studying English, one is promoted to do....not always easy, but the outcome is significant.
Mixed emotions, but you did well.
Have a great day.
RG
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2017
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Hard to do a song about something like this but you did well where it did not belittle the occasion or cause thoughts to connect to the murders.
These kind of songs are always difficult because of mixed emotions, even though there has been a few who have had success.
One thing though, Sis Cat, which I can recommend. For example, the verse below, which is splendid.
A good tool is to write such as this in Present tense...always more impact than past tense. Even just that verse would be a good breakaway and give a more powerful angle to the statement.
Example;
"Black as ink, black as night,
Darkness surrounded him.
Who was he? Where's his light?
He strained. All appeared dim."
Black as ink, black as night,
Darkness surrounds him.
Who is he? Where's his light?
He strains. All appears dim.
It is actually an art to write in both tenses, not a lot of authors know that , but studying English, one is promoted to do....not always easy, but the outcome is significant.
Mixed emotions, but you did well.
Have a great day.
RG
Comment Written 27-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2017
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Thank you, RGstar, for your generous review and suggestion on present tense for those key verses to "give a more powerful angle to the statement." I adopted it, improving my song.
Yes, this is the most challenging piece I have written because it deals with the murder-suicide of four people I knew. My songwriting teacher gave me one week to write a song not about a relationship, and I chose this as my subject, working tirelessly to adopt the right tone without belittling or sensationalizing the tragedy.
Thank you once again for your thoughtful review and suggestions. I appreciate them.