Foggy Morning Walk
Observations and thoughts about life8 total reviews
Comment from ragerde
I was following the trail of the fog, then the walk, but for me the transition of reminiscence from the forth to the fifth verse almost gave me whiplash. It flat like you were rushing to your concluding stanza.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2017
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I was following the trail of the fog, then the walk, but for me the transition of reminiscence from the forth to the fifth verse almost gave me whiplash. It flat like you were rushing to your concluding stanza.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2017
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Thanks for you input. I will review.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Poet. This one has a great feel to it. It's like going for a jog with the poet and seeing and experiencing the run. Wonderful addition to this contest. Good luck. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Hello Poet. This one has a great feel to it. It's like going for a jog with the poet and seeing and experiencing the run. Wonderful addition to this contest. Good luck. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the read and your kind words.
Comment from Lucian Carter
This has a good rhythm, captures a feeling very effectively and doesn't overstay its welcome. Classes and enhances is a stretch of a rhyme, the others are all solid.
The last line is a let down. It's too basic, and doesn't have a great sense of finality to it. I have no alternative at this time, but I'd explore other alternatives if you wish to.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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This has a good rhythm, captures a feeling very effectively and doesn't overstay its welcome. Classes and enhances is a stretch of a rhyme, the others are all solid.
The last line is a let down. It's too basic, and doesn't have a great sense of finality to it. I have no alternative at this time, but I'd explore other alternatives if you wish to.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2017
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Thanks for the read and input. I will look at last line.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written very nicely descriptive poem about your day. You used very good descriptive wording and great imagery from your words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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This is a very well written very nicely descriptive poem about your day. You used very good descriptive wording and great imagery from your words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the feedback. Appreciated.
Comment from bsmath
I enjoyed reading your poem. Your use of words is entertaining. However, the fourth stanza's last two lines seem to be run-together: "I walk my old neighborhood with a loved a pony-tailed girl can't deny". Should it be "love" instead of "loved"?
Again, thank you for the poem.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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I enjoyed reading your poem. Your use of words is entertaining. However, the fourth stanza's last two lines seem to be run-together: "I walk my old neighborhood with a loved a pony-tailed girl can't deny". Should it be "love" instead of "loved"?
Again, thank you for the poem.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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You are correct about the mistake. I have corrected it. Thanks for the read and the feedback.
Comment from michaelcahill
Hey Harry
You've written an awesome piece here. You bring all the senses to bear and draw me in immediately.
"First kiss, first love tumbles in my brain
high school games, dances, college classes
disheartening jobs that came after
success, mistakes, marriage enhances"
I don't usually copy and paste stanzas, but this is so perfectly descriptive of the way my mind muses when I'm alone sometimes, I had to single it out. I'm guessing I'm not alone. It really struck me. Perfectly captured.
A great entry and meets all the rules. mike
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Hey Harry
You've written an awesome piece here. You bring all the senses to bear and draw me in immediately.
"First kiss, first love tumbles in my brain
high school games, dances, college classes
disheartening jobs that came after
success, mistakes, marriage enhances"
I don't usually copy and paste stanzas, but this is so perfectly descriptive of the way my mind muses when I'm alone sometimes, I had to single it out. I'm guessing I'm not alone. It really struck me. Perfectly captured.
A great entry and meets all the rules. mike
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2017
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Thank you for the feedback. Appreciated. I am honored that you copied my words.
Comment from nbonner
It's nice to look back on your life and realize you've accomplished so much. Some are not so fortunate. Nicely written, the imagery was excellent. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest. NB
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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It's nice to look back on your life and realize you've accomplished so much. Some are not so fortunate. Nicely written, the imagery was excellent. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest. NB
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Thank you for your read and your comments.
Comment from frierajac
Perfectly wonderful verses of just words. I would like to know about those
'fluff curtains hide autumn tawny lawns." Which has a nice sound although in its
sense I wonder what is going on, since the action otherwise is from outside.
You may have stated that autumn tawny lawns, edging in fluff curtains or the like.
It seems you are fascinated with the sound only.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Perfectly wonderful verses of just words. I would like to know about those
'fluff curtains hide autumn tawny lawns." Which has a nice sound although in its
sense I wonder what is going on, since the action otherwise is from outside.
You may have stated that autumn tawny lawns, edging in fluff curtains or the like.
It seems you are fascinated with the sound only.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2017
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Hey, thanks for the thought. I will consider. Much appreciate you read and your comments.
