Haiku (beneath smoky skies)
Observed and heard when temperatures reached 106 degrees.91 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Andre;
-Boy, you definitely Wrote a poem that I could identify with As the temperature here in Pacific Grove it is right next to the ocean got up to ninety-eight degrees, an all time high In the history here. All the pinecones were crackling and popping open like popcorn in the distance and at night The flying Termites came out, which they usually do when the weather is this hot.
-Structurally, the haiku is sound with two grammatically connected lines that favorably describe and express the action of the pinecones crackling and opening up.
-I would tend to believe that your satori is your first line is it is written as "The need smoky skies" which kinda stands alone but it is relative to the conceptual themes understanding.
-Your Kigo could be used as "evergreens crackle" Or "pine cones".
-The pictures absolutely well-chosen and very supportive to the conceptual theme of your poem or haiku.
-Good luck in the contest, Andre, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Cheers, Andre;
-Boy, you definitely Wrote a poem that I could identify with As the temperature here in Pacific Grove it is right next to the ocean got up to ninety-eight degrees, an all time high In the history here. All the pinecones were crackling and popping open like popcorn in the distance and at night The flying Termites came out, which they usually do when the weather is this hot.
-Structurally, the haiku is sound with two grammatically connected lines that favorably describe and express the action of the pinecones crackling and opening up.
-I would tend to believe that your satori is your first line is it is written as "The need smoky skies" which kinda stands alone but it is relative to the conceptual themes understanding.
-Your Kigo could be used as "evergreens crackle" Or "pine cones".
-The pictures absolutely well-chosen and very supportive to the conceptual theme of your poem or haiku.
-Good luck in the contest, Andre, and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Oh, thank you, Alex, for your detailed, analytical review and for inspiring me to write this haiku. I originally tried to write a Tanka, but felt my poem reached its natural conclusion with my satori where to add two more lines would subtract from my poem. Nevertheless, I have two pages of draft lines I may cobble together to make a Tanka or another haiku. Thank you for your detailed review, example, and inspiration.
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Andre; some look at a tanka as a haiku and some don't and so one must be careful when using the first three lines is a haiku. It's just tricky, that all.
Alex
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From my experience, a Tania requires a different conception than a Haiku. I am not taking about lines, but how to tell a Fragment of a story.
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Yes; that is a very difficult thing to do and accomplish and when one does comes out to be a divine tanka. I think you're on the right track. I certainly would do the same. Take care.
Alex
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Yes, Alex, I have to think about the Tanka as a different, organic structure. It is not an extended Haiku.
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That could be one way of thinking about it, Andre, and one that would very be helpful for you to administer.
Alex
Comment from bookishfabler
Are you from California? I have been skipping Haiku so I can catch up on my novels, but this one made me think about fall, and here in Florida, anything that makes me think about fall is good. It is so bloody hot. Thanks for sharing
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Are you from California? I have been skipping Haiku so I can catch up on my novels, but this one made me think about fall, and here in Florida, anything that makes me think about fall is good. It is so bloody hot. Thanks for sharing
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Yes, Heidi, I am in California where it is not only bloody hot, but brush and grass fires are burning throughout the state. Thank you for dropping by to review my haiku during your busy novel-reading schedule. I appreciate it.
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I was struggling to get on here to even do that. I didn't mean anything by it. It's hard for me to review Haiku because they are so short and a lot of time I don't even understand them. Poetry isn't for everyone. Have a great and safe Labor Day
Hugs Heidi
Comment from Pantygynt
I heard about the southern California heat wave and the smokey skies must be a reference to the fires that seem to go hand in hand with the heat. Though I have never been there, this seems to sum up well the southern Californian siuation as I understand it to be right now.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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I heard about the southern California heat wave and the smokey skies must be a reference to the fires that seem to go hand in hand with the heat. Though I have never been there, this seems to sum up well the southern Californian siuation as I understand it to be right now.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Yes, Jim, the amazing thing about my poem was that I started writing it Friday in Northern California where I smelled the smoke of distant wild fires and the heat waves popped open pine cones, but on Saturday I drove to Los Angeles where it was not only hotter, but the largest fire in the city's history was burning in a mountain range directly behind my family's apartment. I finished and posted my poem in L.A. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a great haiku for the contest Andre. Your lines 1 & 2 connect as required, the 3rd is a great satori, the syllable count is correct, & the kigo is implied, in my opinion, with 'wilted' & 'smokey'. Your poem is a great poem regardless of contest.
[is smokey supposed to be smoky]
Best wishes in the contest. Jan
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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This is a great haiku for the contest Andre. Your lines 1 & 2 connect as required, the 3rd is a great satori, the syllable count is correct, & the kigo is implied, in my opinion, with 'wilted' & 'smokey'. Your poem is a great poem regardless of contest.
[is smokey supposed to be smoky]
Best wishes in the contest. Jan
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Great catch, Jan, on "smoky." As I drove down I-5 towards Los Angeles and the largest brush fire in the city's history, I passed Smokey Bear Road and decided to use "smokey" in my poem. I did not realize that the pronoun was spelled differently from the adjective. Thank you for your detailed review and correction. Thanks also for wishing me the best in the contest.
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I used to live about 60 miles from where the first real Smokey the Bear was found.
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
Hi Andre
What a wonderful 5-7-5 poem, you are certainly one of the best at this format.
You describe the scene beneath smokey skies with such vivid imagination.
The dramatic word play is fantastic which marries with your imagery brilliantly.
and a great picture to accompany
Mitchell.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Hi Andre
What a wonderful 5-7-5 poem, you are certainly one of the best at this format.
You describe the scene beneath smokey skies with such vivid imagination.
The dramatic word play is fantastic which marries with your imagery brilliantly.
and a great picture to accompany
Mitchell.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Mitchell, for your encouraging review of my haiku. I draw my inspiration from observation of nature. Thanks again.
Comment from robina1978
An excellent photo that complements your tiny poem perfectly. How nice that you witnessed this yourself. It fulfils all the requirements of a Haiku perfectly. I never heard of this before. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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An excellent photo that complements your tiny poem perfectly. How nice that you witnessed this yourself. It fulfils all the requirements of a Haiku perfectly. I never heard of this before. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Robina, for your generous, six star review. I am still awed that I witnessed and heard the heat pop open pine comes.
Comment from nbonner
Nicely written haiku poem about acorns. Every morning I hear them fall from my trees as I'm writing my poems and the squirrels scurrying after them. We forget sometimes we don't need long poems to get our message across. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the contest, N.B
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Nicely written haiku poem about acorns. Every morning I hear them fall from my trees as I'm writing my poems and the squirrels scurrying after them. We forget sometimes we don't need long poems to get our message across. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the contest, N.B
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Ah, thank you, nbonner, for your kind review, but my poem is about pine cones, not acorns. Squirrels played an absent role in my poem. I was walking my dog during a heat wave Friday when I heard crackling from the trees. At first, I thought squirrels were in the trees cracking pine cones, but as I looked at the trees closely and listened I discovered that there were no squirrels in the trees, but that heat caused the pine cones to pop open. Thanks again.
Comment from jaded831
I can visualize the pine cones popping and hear the crackling of the pine trees. It is so great when you can incorporate other senses in your writing. The picture compliments your work beautifully. Great haiku.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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I can visualize the pine cones popping and hear the crackling of the pine trees. It is so great when you can incorporate other senses in your writing. The picture compliments your work beautifully. Great haiku.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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Yes, jaded831, the sound of pine cones popping open in 106 degree heat astounded me two days ago. It has never been this hot. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Bichon
Lovely short Haiku. You used very good descriptive writing too, I could visualise the crackling of evergreens and the popping of pine cones with ease.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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Lovely short Haiku. You used very good descriptive writing too, I could visualise the crackling of evergreens and the popping of pine cones with ease.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Bichon, for your kind review. The sound of pine cones popping open in 106 degree heat astounded me.
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a very close up picture of a pine branch that looks to be the inspiration of the words. I like the green color scheme for the evergreen tree.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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This is a very close up picture of a pine branch that looks to be the inspiration of the words. I like the green color scheme for the evergreen tree.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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Thank you, Joan, for your kind review. My inspiration came not from this picture but from hearing pine cones pop open in 106 degree heat.
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No problem. You are lucky to be able to find such fitting artwork.
Joan
