Comment from --Turtle.

Exceptional

Hi, Craig

I read through this faith poem. I think you do this very well... lay out the path through thought that cuts at absurdities by standing on the other side and saying it aloud as if it makes complete sense. It's that sense for how when certain things are spoken aloud as if they are logical, they sound silly. The rhyme and flow and start by with seeming agreeance with something that contradicts, there's an art to your snark. I think you have honed it to an art. This was easy to read and I only paused once...

I hear within a still(,) small voice;
(both times I read this, I wanted to add the comma... but I am not certain. It's probably because I think of still as ... the world is still large, the voice is still small. And then secondly think of it as the adjective of not moving... being still. The comma might emphasize the unshaking aspect of still in terms of the voice.)

Really well done with this poem.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Hi Turtle,

Thanks so much for the wonderful review, and the lovely stars. I'm just sorry you missed reviewing when it was promoted (not that it was worth much, but a little better than two cents).

The "still small voice" reference is from the bible (1 Kings 19:12, KJV). Newer translations often replace it with "a gentle whisper" - which I'm not sure really helps to clarify anything. I've always tended to interpret it the former way.

I think you know me better than I do. The idea of taking the opposite side is not something I've really been consciously aware of, until you mentioned it - but you're right, of course. It just seems to be the way I look at issues.

I really wish I could give you another reviewer vote for all your trouble. Thanks again :)

Craig

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

This is well written, perfectly rhymed (I'm of course with you on the law/yore can't begin to imagine how else you could say it) and I think you've probably had some interesting reviews on your faith poem. For me I enjoyed this one, love and hope and common sense, is a good recipe for life, and faith is there for those that need or want it.
Well done,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017

Thanks so much for the great review, Valda. Those Americans do like to exaggerate their "R" sounds :)

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

This is a well written poem that I very much enjoyed reading. In it, you appear to present both sides of the argument--the believer and the non. I'm grateful to have it, but I agree to each his own. All people believe what they believe and unless they are willing to change, it is a moot point. Good luck in the contest with this fine entry. Marilyn

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017

Thanks so much for the kind comments, Marilyn. I agree, few people are ever persuaded by a clever or strong argument. Whatever our opinions on anything, they usually come as a result of our own experience and reflection. Craig

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

Hi Craig. I tend to agree with your faith. Good old common sense is invaluable. Rather than having blind faith in things, we do need to use our own judgement and common sense. I've always believed that religion originally stemmed from man's need to keep law and order. As you say, "to keep us all in tow".

This is very well written and is an excellent entry for the Faith contest. I enjoyed reading it. My favorite line is "For love and hope abide, not faith". Best wishes for the contest. ~ ~ Connie

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017

Thanks very much for your thoughtful review and kind words, Connie. Both are very much appreciated :)

Craig

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very interesting and well penned poem for the Faith contest. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. Best wishes in the contest. Teri

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017

Thanks, Teri, for your kind comments and good wishes. They're much appreciated. Craig

Comment from loismddavis

Exceptional

clever, clever you naughty boy--I loved this poem though I generally do not like rhyming poems. Great retelling of bible stories with very clever humor and a switch to critique of that very same story. Do not be miserable faith can be found in more places than the bible. I found Unitarian Universalism I think that is why I appreciate your poem so very much

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017

Thank you so much for the lovely comments, and the wonderful shiny stars. Faith certainly is something that can be found in many places. I think you are in good company in being a Unitarian - I'm fairly sure at least one, and probably several more, of the American founding fathers were too. Much appreciated - Craig.

Comment from ~Dovey

Excellent

Hi Craig,

You've offered an interesting point of view which will certainly contrast the mainstream entries in the Faith Poetry contest. You've employed the aa,bb rhyme scheme well, except I think maybe there is a differing pronunciation in this couplet:

to fear the Lord and keep His law, (law rhymes with awe, raw, saw, caw, paw, etc)
just like the patriarchs of yore. (yore rhymes with score, store, pour, four, tore, more, etc.)

Other than that the rest come through as perfect rhymes. Not that you had a question, but rhymer.com works great when there might be a discrepancy. (I'm thinking from the perspective of the judges.)

Good luck in the contest.

Kim

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017

Haha - there are some things we will just never see eye to eye on, Kim, and pronunciation is one of them. Paw and tore are a perfect rhyme in this country, as are law and yore. Every word you listed has the same end sound.

If the judges can't speak proper English, there is no hope for me! ;-)

Thanks for reviewing, and for the good wishes,

Craig

Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

A poem about one person's struggle and view of faith. After well-rhymed exploration on faith, you choose:

. . .reason as my sure defence,
henceforth I'll trust in common sense.

One of my favorite stanzas for its dark humor was this one

As time went by man's love grew weak;
Jehovah, in a fit of pique,
inflicted a most dreadful fate--
He drowned the lot of them, bar eight.

This couplet speaks about the wrathful depiction of God:

Unless you want to feel the rod,
it's best that you don't mess with God.

You speak of the negative aspects of blind faith before you state your choice:

For love and hope abide, not faith;
I'll not give credence to that wraith.

I like how you went against the grain in your reasoned argument.

Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017

Thank you very much for the kind, thoughtful and thorough review. It takes all types to make a world, so I don't think it's a bad thing when there are dissenting voices - regardless of the subject.Thanks for the good wishes, too. Much appreciated,
Craig.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written poem. Faith gives us hope to go forth and open our minds to give us common sense to see the danger of not believing that God is the Almighty God.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017

Hi Sandra,
Thanks for the kind words,
Craig

Comment from Thal1959

Excellent

The quality of the poetry is really very good. It is an interesting statement that starts with faith in God and then seems to flip-flop into atheism. When one says...
"With reason as my sure defence, (BTW, it is "defense.)
henceforth I'll trust in common sense."
The question that begs to be asked is, "Whose reason or whose common sense?" The politicians? The bankers? The evangelists? The scientists? Politicians all claim to have the truth and the facts, but they can't all be right. There are scientists who believe in evolution, global warming, euthanasia, etc., on scientific grounds, and those scientists who do not on the same grounds. There is no consensus on anything. So, when one says reason and common sense, don't they really mean their own personal opinion?

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Aug-2017

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reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017

Your points are well taken. Of course, any statement I make is by definition my opinion, unless I'm quoting :)

Also, I believe it is "defense" in America, and "defence" in the rest of the English speaking world.

Thanks for the thoughtful review,

Craig

reply by Thal1959 on 14-Aug-2017

I appreciate your gracious response. I just looked it up and you are right - just a spelling difference between countries.