I'm Hollywood
Leonine Rhyme contest entry22 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This leonine-style poem, I'm Hollywood, is constructed properly and spins a gruesome tale of sacrifice on the Mulholland Drives of the western state. People go in and something else comes out.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2017
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This leonine-style poem, I'm Hollywood, is constructed properly and spins a gruesome tale of sacrifice on the Mulholland Drives of the western state. People go in and something else comes out.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2017
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That's for sure. It has a way of changing people. Thank you for the excellent review, Bill. I really appreciate the generous stars, friend. I'm glad you liked this dark little tale.
Ron
Comment from smileycloud
all the middle end rhymes are perfect
your rhyme and meter and cadence of your poem is very good
the story is so tragic and well written
characterisation is viivd and your poem is alive
have a smiley day
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2017
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all the middle end rhymes are perfect
your rhyme and meter and cadence of your poem is very good
the story is so tragic and well written
characterisation is viivd and your poem is alive
have a smiley day
Comment Written 21-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the fantastic review. Smiley C. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a wonderful day as well.
DS
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hey, Ron! It's great to read your poetry again, and glad to see you back posting. This form is fascinating and very enjoyable as a reader. Your theme, meter, ending and internal rhymes, and wonderful enjambment make this one doozy of a poem. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Hey, Ron! It's great to read your poetry again, and glad to see you back posting. This form is fascinating and very enjoyable as a reader. Your theme, meter, ending and internal rhymes, and wonderful enjambment make this one doozy of a poem. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2017
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Hey, Karyn, hello. Thank you so much for the fantastic review and big sixer. Yeah, I took a break from the site for a while. I bought a house and it turns out that it needs a lot more work done to the dumb than we originally thought. I've been spending most of my spare time fixing crap around here. I should have checked this place out a whole lot better than I did. Oh well, it's home now for the next 30 years. Lol. I dearly appreciate the gracious rating and kind words. Good to hear from you. Thank you again. Have a wonderful day.
Ron
Comment from lalajovanoski
Hello my dear friend, I very much enjoyed reading this beautifully written poem. I think that this is an excellent entry for the contest you should do very well I wish you all the best and good luck to you. Great running scheme in this it's very soft and smooth. I also like the alliteration in this a lot. Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you. With love, Lola
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Hello my dear friend, I very much enjoyed reading this beautifully written poem. I think that this is an excellent entry for the contest you should do very well I wish you all the best and good luck to you. Great running scheme in this it's very soft and smooth. I also like the alliteration in this a lot. Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you. With love, Lola
Comment Written 23-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much for the fantastic review, Lola. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Ron
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend the price of fame indeed was very high they were on the same level as prostitutes and drug addicts the awful things expect of them discus ting well done on this write regards Jill
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Yes my friend the price of fame indeed was very high they were on the same level as prostitutes and drug addicts the awful things expect of them discus ting well done on this write regards Jill
Comment Written 23-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Jill. I really appreciate the gracious stars. I'm glad you liked this dark piece. Have a great night.
Ron
Comment from c_lucas
The environment of Hollywood
Has destroyed many of young girl's dreams
Casting her into a pit of corruption
Instead of a mountain of adoration
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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The environment of Hollywood
Has destroyed many of young girl's dreams
Casting her into a pit of corruption
Instead of a mountain of adoration
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the great review, Charlie. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Ron
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You're welcome, Ron. Charlie
Comment from Eternal Muse
Oh, Ron,
I waited till Sunday when I get a six, to review this.
It is exquisite. Absolutely striking both in content and form. Your anapestic meter is very effective, so is your internal rhyme.
A truthful account of the fate of girls who come to Hollywood with big dreams only to have these dreams crushed to dust against cruel reality.
Bravo. Well done!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Oh, Ron,
I waited till Sunday when I get a six, to review this.
It is exquisite. Absolutely striking both in content and form. Your anapestic meter is very effective, so is your internal rhyme.
A truthful account of the fate of girls who come to Hollywood with big dreams only to have these dreams crushed to dust against cruel reality.
Bravo. Well done!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Wow, thank you so much for the fantastic review and big sixer, Yelena. You didn't have to wait just to spend one already this week. I am happy did though. ;) Thank you as well for throwing the contest. I had fun with it. This piece was actually inspired by the picture this time. That doesn't happen too often. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go dark, as I did, or go the other route, with it being the girl in God's hand, but we have enough of those on here. I had to go with my own style of writing. And usually that's not too pretty. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars, Y. I'm glad you liked my contribution to the contest. Have a great day.
Ron
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Dragon, The personification of Hollywood is epic. I'm sort of glad you left the baser nastier aspects of trying to attain fame in Hollywood out. I believe it makes the piece starker, stronger and more poignant! Good luck in your contest. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Hi Dragon, The personification of Hollywood is epic. I'm sort of glad you left the baser nastier aspects of trying to attain fame in Hollywood out. I believe it makes the piece starker, stronger and more poignant! Good luck in your contest. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 23-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much for the kind review, Kiwi. Yeah, I thing adding details like those degrade the worth of a piece. Plus, it's a lot more of a challenge to pull off and I love the brain workout, haha. I really appreciate the gracious stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great rest of your weekend.
Ron
Comment from w.j.debi
I am happy to see you are back. I missed your poetry.
This is well written. Excellent rhymes and a haunting theme. Fame may not be worth the cost, especially since it seldom materializes
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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I am happy to see you are back. I missed your poetry.
This is well written. Excellent rhymes and a haunting theme. Fame may not be worth the cost, especially since it seldom materializes
Comment Written 23-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Wow, thank you for the fantastic review and the gracious sixer, Debi. Yeah, I've been AWOL for a while. I bought a new, well older, house and it turns out that it needs a lot more work than originally anticipated. I've been spending a lot of time fixing every dumb thing that comes along. It's been crazy. I dearly appreciate the generous rating, Debi. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great rest of your weekend.
Ron
Comment from rama devi
Great exploration of this theme with good flow and fine rhyming. Lots of superb poetic devices too--like the assonance of I in the first lines, and consonance of S, etc. Too many to list, but I noticed all nuances and applaud!
NOTES:
An optional suggestion:
Oh(,) precious child(,) now lost in the wild,
Good internal rhymes, especially here:
So subtle the sin of luring you in
and here:
The fears I instill while breaking your will
Great slant rhyme of reach and streets and consonance of L here:
The lessons you'll learn of vital concern
are viciously taught in the streets.
*
While longing for worth(,) you try to unearth
Poignant:
With fame seldom found, yes it's profound,
losing it all to the chase.
I know that I'll win for I see it within
the depth of the tears on your face.
POTENT LINE and good internal rhyme:
Now broken and scarred, dreams shattered and charred,
*optional suggestions:
You're finished(;) therefore(,) I care not anymore.
great job on this. Artful presentation, too.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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Great exploration of this theme with good flow and fine rhyming. Lots of superb poetic devices too--like the assonance of I in the first lines, and consonance of S, etc. Too many to list, but I noticed all nuances and applaud!
NOTES:
An optional suggestion:
Oh(,) precious child(,) now lost in the wild,
Good internal rhymes, especially here:
So subtle the sin of luring you in
and here:
The fears I instill while breaking your will
Great slant rhyme of reach and streets and consonance of L here:
The lessons you'll learn of vital concern
are viciously taught in the streets.
*
While longing for worth(,) you try to unearth
Poignant:
With fame seldom found, yes it's profound,
losing it all to the chase.
I know that I'll win for I see it within
the depth of the tears on your face.
POTENT LINE and good internal rhyme:
Now broken and scarred, dreams shattered and charred,
*optional suggestions:
You're finished(;) therefore(,) I care not anymore.
great job on this. Artful presentation, too.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 22-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2017
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Hey, rd, hi. thank you so much for the fantastic review and for pointing out the goofs. I fixed them all except for the 'therefore' line. I'm still giving that line some thought. It already seems a bit too long, so adding the correct commas in there lengthen it even more, lol. We'll see what happens. I dearly appreciate the gracious stars and help. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great rest of your weekend.
Ron
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It's been a while, do they even still have the 'thumbs up' reviewer thingy? I want to recommend you for reviewer of the month but I don't see any place on the review page to give it to you. If they still have it could you walk me through where to find it? Thank you again.
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Thanks. Yes, they do have it. A thumb icon will show up at the bottom of your review. If not, it means you already nominated or used up all six thumbs already. Thanks for your gracious response!
Love,
rd
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Hey there..thanks so much for your kind response too. Glad you like the input! Have a great weekend too. Love, rd