The Pretty Butterfly
Butterfly 5-7-5 contest entry10 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
I love the double meaning and dark humor in "hit it, Mom, hit it!" And they both look so happy to go after that poor defenseless butterfly just because it is there. Great job with creating strong imagery.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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I love the double meaning and dark humor in "hit it, Mom, hit it!" And they both look so happy to go after that poor defenseless butterfly just because it is there. Great job with creating strong imagery.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Debi. I couldn't resist, lol. It was a butterfly contest, I knew every piece was going to have a lovely, beautiful, sweet ending. I just had to throw a wrench in the gears. Haha I'm glad you liked this silliness. Thank you again.
Ron
Comment from Pantygynt
I am sorry to have taken so long to review but I have been away taking a break between classes. Back now to find a mass of stuff awaiting my attention. I am afraid I just cannot manage it all so I am reviewing the latest writing from everyone that I am following and normal service will be resumed from here on in.
This reminds me of a line in John Galsworthy's play "Escape" where a lower middle class family are having a picnic on Dartmoor when some description of beetle lands on the picnic cloth, the girls shrink back from it "Kill it," says one. "why?" asks another. "Always kill what you don't know" says a third.
in the class of incongruous humour, this is a good example of the genre.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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I am sorry to have taken so long to review but I have been away taking a break between classes. Back now to find a mass of stuff awaiting my attention. I am afraid I just cannot manage it all so I am reviewing the latest writing from everyone that I am following and normal service will be resumed from here on in.
This reminds me of a line in John Galsworthy's play "Escape" where a lower middle class family are having a picnic on Dartmoor when some description of beetle lands on the picnic cloth, the girls shrink back from it "Kill it," says one. "why?" asks another. "Always kill what you don't know" says a third.
in the class of incongruous humour, this is a good example of the genre.
Comment Written 20-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the great review, Pantygynt. Yeah, I took a vacation from the site for a good while myself. Just getting back in the swing of things again. I really appreciate the generous stars, friend. I'm glad you liked this silly piece. Have a great day.
Ron
Comment from trimple
Erm... lol
After reading this, I had a cringe-worthy smile across my chops.
Certainly memorable, DS.
Good luck :)
trimple
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Erm... lol
After reading this, I had a cringe-worthy smile across my chops.
Certainly memorable, DS.
Good luck :)
trimple
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the great review, Trimple. I'm glad you liked this silly thing. I was surprised this dumb piece this was actually holding it's own in the contest. Haha. I though, for sure, no one would vote for it. Congrats on the shared win. Your piece was the best of the bunch. Have a great day.
DS
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Hello, Ron
I thought you were gonna wipe the board at one point.
A giggle is worth a prize of anybody's money IMO :)
Kind regards
trimple
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
You've done a great job on this 5-7-5
The image clearly captures the words in the poem.
The background goes well with the picture and color of font selected.
That sounds like something my two sons would have said about a snake. The things we do for our children. They are 15 and 13 now, but if they see a dead snake in the road, they always ask me to turn around so they can take a picture of it on their cell phones. Weird kids I have!
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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You've done a great job on this 5-7-5
The image clearly captures the words in the poem.
The background goes well with the picture and color of font selected.
That sounds like something my two sons would have said about a snake. The things we do for our children. They are 15 and 13 now, but if they see a dead snake in the road, they always ask me to turn around so they can take a picture of it on their cell phones. Weird kids I have!
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 17-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the great review, Nikki. Yeah, kids like the craziest things. I really appreciate the stars. I'm glad you liked this dumb thing. Have a great day.
Ron
Comment from reconciled
ah another beautiful bonding moment for Mother and Daughter.
my but how our moral compass has crossed the Bermuda triangle. hey when youre thirteen we start hunting house pets...hehehe...sshhhhhh you and me kid....-headnod-....real creepy dude. love Michael
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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ah another beautiful bonding moment for Mother and Daughter.
my but how our moral compass has crossed the Bermuda triangle. hey when youre thirteen we start hunting house pets...hehehe...sshhhhhh you and me kid....-headnod-....real creepy dude. love Michael
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Wow, Mike, you didn't have to spend one your big sixers on this dumb thing. I was just hoping to give a few people a chuckle here and there. We all know how all these butterfly writes go so I just wanted to go a slightly different route with the "aha" line. Haha. I think I pulled that off fairly nicely, lol. Thank you for the great review and the gracious six, friend. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you liked this silly thing. Have a good one, Michael.
Ron
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Well, it did say you should write a poem concerning butterflies and if I were a butterfly I would be very concerned. That said, kids do like to trap bugs and suffocate them, take the wings off things, and generally are fascinated with death in general. So very true to life - if a bit gruesome - and I did smile (more like a grimace, but that still counts). - Wendy
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Well, it did say you should write a poem concerning butterflies and if I were a butterfly I would be very concerned. That said, kids do like to trap bugs and suffocate them, take the wings off things, and generally are fascinated with death in general. So very true to life - if a bit gruesome - and I did smile (more like a grimace, but that still counts). - Wendy
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the great review and generous stars, Wendy. Yeah, I just had to go a different route that I knew everyone else was going to go with a butterfly contest, lol. I'm glad you liked this silly thing.
Ron
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Dragonskulls, You have a good little horror story in this poem. That last line is so unexpected it is eerily cool! Good luck in your contest. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Hello Dragonskulls, You have a good little horror story in this poem. That last line is so unexpected it is eerily cool! Good luck in your contest. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the great review, Kiwi. Yeah, I figured I'd give a little change in their 'aha' line this time. Lol. I really appreciate the generous stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked this silliness.
Ron
Comment from Poetic Friend
Wow, the ending in this poem is totally unexpected. Oftentimes, when I read poems about butterflies, they re filled with enchantment of its flight. This poem certainly takes a different approach. Different is good. It has uniqueness and innovation.
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Wow, the ending in this poem is totally unexpected. Oftentimes, when I read poems about butterflies, they re filled with enchantment of its flight. This poem certainly takes a different approach. Different is good. It has uniqueness and innovation.
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Yeah, I had to go a different route rather than the enchantment and beauty that seems to be the norm for butterfly writes, lol. Thank you for the great review, PF. I really appreciate the gracious stars and good luck wishes.
Comment from rama devi
Ouch! Good satirical twist and shift in tone in the closing line. Excellent senryu style and composition. I like how it has dialog. Well done! Excellent flow and medley of T sounds. perfect presentation.
Good luck in the contest. No nits.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Ouch! Good satirical twist and shift in tone in the closing line. Excellent senryu style and composition. I like how it has dialog. Well done! Excellent flow and medley of T sounds. perfect presentation.
Good luck in the contest. No nits.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 16-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the great review, RD. Yeah, I figured I'd give them a unexpected 'aha' line, lol. I'm glad you liked this dumb piece.
Have a good night,
DS
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It's not dumb but clever. Glad to see you posting again. So many old timers are less active here, in general--including myself, though I've been active for a week or two (intermittent visits).
Warmly, rd
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Yeah, I haven't been on here in a good while. Just in the last few days I've been getting back in the mood. I bought a house and there's been nothing but problem after problem and that's been taking up a lot my time as well. Have a great day, rd.
Ron
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Sorry to hear about the house troubles. Hope they settle down. That's an exciting new venture! Have a wonderful week. Warmly, rd
Comment from Sis Cat
That girl must have good eyesight to see that butterfly in the road. This is a powerful, unexpected butterfly 5-7-5 with a macabre sense of humor. There is no prettiness in what this girl is encouraging her mother to do. I found your poem to be fresh and provocative.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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That girl must have good eyesight to see that butterfly in the road. This is a powerful, unexpected butterfly 5-7-5 with a macabre sense of humor. There is no prettiness in what this girl is encouraging her mother to do. I found your poem to be fresh and provocative.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the great review and gracious stars, Cat. Yeah, I just wanted to throw something different in the mix. Lol. So I went with this dumb idea.
