Victor
Derik insults the wrong man.32 total reviews
Comment from victortouche
Holy shit.
I have one firm request.
You must read my short story
called, "The Walk." It is a
ways back in my portfolio.
Page 7, maybe.
Trust me.
Just this once.
You are a superb writer,
Mr. Bowling.
victortouche
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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Holy shit.
I have one firm request.
You must read my short story
called, "The Walk." It is a
ways back in my portfolio.
Page 7, maybe.
Trust me.
Just this once.
You are a superb writer,
Mr. Bowling.
victortouche
Comment Written 02-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2017
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I'll look it up. Thanks for reading.
Comment from ioana.u
Great story, with well described characters and a nice twist! Excellent language, too. You should have entered it to the horror story contest, it's much better than any other entry I've read so far.
Ioana
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2017
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Great story, with well described characters and a nice twist! Excellent language, too. You should have entered it to the horror story contest, it's much better than any other entry I've read so far.
Ioana
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2017
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This is a contest entry. In the starting sentence contest. I already have a horror contest entry.
Comment from Spitfire
" A leg man" -literally. Nice twist of the phrase. I like how the dialogue carries much of the story. Also how Derik makes light of the situation until he realizes it's not a joke. What a horrible thing to do for revenge--oops, I forgot, Victor just wanted to add to his collection. :-)
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2017
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" A leg man" -literally. Nice twist of the phrase. I like how the dialogue carries much of the story. Also how Derik makes light of the situation until he realizes it's not a joke. What a horrible thing to do for revenge--oops, I forgot, Victor just wanted to add to his collection. :-)
Comment Written 15-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2017
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Thanks for reading. This is based on an event I witnessed. It is true except for cutting off the legs. The Russian only threatened to do that.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your contest entry should do extremely well. It has all the elements of a story, good characters, setting, plot, and ending. Thrown into the mix is a problem and a solution. Good luck.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2017
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Your contest entry should do extremely well. It has all the elements of a story, good characters, setting, plot, and ending. Thrown into the mix is a problem and a solution. Good luck.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2017
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Thanks for reading. This is based on an event I witnessed. It is true except for cutting off the legs. The Russian only threatened to do that.
Comment from kriver
Hi
Dang foreigners
if isn't terrorists
It is foreign mafia types
and gangs causing
all kinds of devilment
in our country
it is getting so you
can't safely walk out your door
good interesting story
where were the cops when
you really needed them Then when they are there they still can't do anything because they get into trouble if they do The world has gone completely bonkers
Best regards,
K River
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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Hi
Dang foreigners
if isn't terrorists
It is foreign mafia types
and gangs causing
all kinds of devilment
in our country
it is getting so you
can't safely walk out your door
good interesting story
where were the cops when
you really needed them Then when they are there they still can't do anything because they get into trouble if they do The world has gone completely bonkers
Best regards,
K River
Comment Written 14-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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This is based on an event I witnessed. Everything is true except for cutting off the legs. The Russian only threatened to do that.
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Hi what really happened then was there a woman bodyguard too in the real story
Was the guy forced to go out to the car?
Man I would never go to that place again and /or take up martial arts big time So the next time he'd be prepared a lot better.
Best regards,
K River
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well I don't know where this one came from Thomas, bit Victor certainly isn't a man you want to offend. You certainly did well with this sentence to start the story.Good luck in the contest,
Just one typo -Derik and Shelia (Shiela) were sitting
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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Well I don't know where this one came from Thomas, bit Victor certainly isn't a man you want to offend. You certainly did well with this sentence to start the story.Good luck in the contest,
Just one typo -Derik and Shelia (Shiela) were sitting
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 14-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2017
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Thanks for reading and correcting.
Comment from BeasPeas
Wow! This is quite a story. Horrific I would say. It is well written, but violent and you did put a warning on it. The really scary thing is that there are people like this out there. Marilyn
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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Wow! This is quite a story. Horrific I would say. It is well written, but violent and you did put a warning on it. The really scary thing is that there are people like this out there. Marilyn
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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This is based on an event that I witnessed. I saw the whole thing go down. The only fiction was in cutting off the legs. The Russian only threatened to do that.
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Whew! Scary stuff.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"It's true, what you said about me this evening. I am a leg man. I collect them. Now, it's time to gather some more."
Victor pulled his hand away, and a man tied tourniquets around Derik's thighs. His screams were drowned out by the chainsaw as it ripped through him. Derik passed out. When he came to, he was in the trunk of Victor's car.
He was returned to the bar where his nightmare began and was dumped in the parking lot. A crowd gathered around. Screams of 'oh, my God' drowned out the noise of traffic. Sheila pushed her way toward the front.'
WOW...utter horror and gore...I love it....totally unexpected too, perfect dialogue, this is just phenomenal I love it. Well done kindest regards Meia x
"Shelia, don't go there! It's horrible. Don't look."
The warnings were too late. Sheila broke through and saw a half a man lying in the parking lot. She screamed and fainted.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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"It's true, what you said about me this evening. I am a leg man. I collect them. Now, it's time to gather some more."
Victor pulled his hand away, and a man tied tourniquets around Derik's thighs. His screams were drowned out by the chainsaw as it ripped through him. Derik passed out. When he came to, he was in the trunk of Victor's car.
He was returned to the bar where his nightmare began and was dumped in the parking lot. A crowd gathered around. Screams of 'oh, my God' drowned out the noise of traffic. Sheila pushed her way toward the front.'
WOW...utter horror and gore...I love it....totally unexpected too, perfect dialogue, this is just phenomenal I love it. Well done kindest regards Meia x
"Shelia, don't go there! It's horrible. Don't look."
The warnings were too late. Sheila broke through and saw a half a man lying in the parking lot. She screamed and fainted.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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This is based on an event I witnessed. It's true except for cutting his legs off. The Russian only threatened to to that.
Comment from bookishfabler
Two men pull(ed)wq his trousers off. As they did, Derik urinated.
Hmm. The sentence starts the story. I haven't written one of those in years. You did a fantastic job. I love this stuff. Good luck in the contest.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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Two men pull(ed)wq his trousers off. As they did, Derik urinated.
Hmm. The sentence starts the story. I haven't written one of those in years. You did a fantastic job. I love this stuff. Good luck in the contest.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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Thanks for reading.
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a great story that starts in and finishes at a small bar. It builds steadily and in a credible fashion (accepting the Russian persona) and leaves us in a shocking state of sociopathic payback. Derik might want to sue, but he wouldn't -- nah, I won't go there.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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This is a great story that starts in and finishes at a small bar. It builds steadily and in a credible fashion (accepting the Russian persona) and leaves us in a shocking state of sociopathic payback. Derik might want to sue, but he wouldn't -- nah, I won't go there.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2017
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Derik better stop while he still has his arms.
This was based on an event that I witnessed. Everything happened except cutting off the legs. The Russian only threatened to do that.
