Crime Does Not Pay
A childs lesson in life 'right from wrong'16 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a very good poem, Christine. A fine teaching poem for a child as you point out. It tells a story which is probably pretty common with kids, but not to take such a large amount. A smaller amount and you probably never would have missed it. I'm glad the situation worked out well as per your author's note. The poem itself is presented well with good rhyme and flow. Marilyn
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2017
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This is a very good poem, Christine. A fine teaching poem for a child as you point out. It tells a story which is probably pretty common with kids, but not to take such a large amount. A smaller amount and you probably never would have missed it. I'm glad the situation worked out well as per your author's note. The poem itself is presented well with good rhyme and flow. Marilyn
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2017
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Hi Marilyn A bit of fun woth this one And I got a third place so that was a bonus. We still have a laugh about this and my son is a fine man so perhaps this lesson worked LOL . A bit slack of late bit wil return soon Cheers Christine
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your poem "Crime does not pay". You rhymed it well and told a great story (Especially as it was the truth). I also liked your choice of drawing.
All the best in the contest.
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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I enjoyed reading your poem "Crime does not pay". You rhymed it well and told a great story (Especially as it was the truth). I also liked your choice of drawing.
All the best in the contest.
Marybell1.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2017
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Hi Marybell1 Thanls for freading and reviewing my poem for this contest. Yes I like this picture also it does remind me of my son He is now 33 so quite a while ago when this event transpired Cheers
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You are most welcome.
Marybell1.
Comment from jlsavell
Author,
I live this work and feel as parents we have all been there to some degree.
Rather cute is a six year old perception of money. I am sure he had not one idea this was a big chunk of change which obviously would send up red flags. However, I am quite sure a six year old knew he was doing something not right. Wonderful work.
Jlsavell
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Author,
I live this work and feel as parents we have all been there to some degree.
Rather cute is a six year old perception of money. I am sure he had not one idea this was a big chunk of change which obviously would send up red flags. However, I am quite sure a six year old knew he was doing something not right. Wonderful work.
Jlsavell
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Jlsavel, Thank you for your review and yes I think he knew he was doing the wrong thing and he learn't his lesson. This is a true story and my son and I now have a laugh about it. Cheers
Comment from Oatmeal
You did a wonderful job with the challenge that you chose. I have written two children stories about thieves. lol I cannot deal with them at all. I am lucky that my daughter never stole anything to my knowledge.
This poem was arranged very well. The flow was smooth. The imagery is outstanding. The story line was good. This poem made for an enjoyable read.
The theme flowed well all through your poem.
There were no errors. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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You did a wonderful job with the challenge that you chose. I have written two children stories about thieves. lol I cannot deal with them at all. I am lucky that my daughter never stole anything to my knowledge.
This poem was arranged very well. The flow was smooth. The imagery is outstanding. The story line was good. This poem made for an enjoyable read.
The theme flowed well all through your poem.
There were no errors. No problems at all.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Oatmeal, Thanks for your review of my poem for this contest. all based on a true story when my son was abot 6years old. A lesson well learn't for him. I had fun writing and remembering this incident Cheers
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
This poem made for an enjoyable read. It flowed very nicely. Comprehensible and very professionally written. The emotional reflections are insightful and impressive...A valuable lesson in life.
The descriptive words created wonderful impressions which flowed effortlessly throughout this excellent read.
Mitchell.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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This poem made for an enjoyable read. It flowed very nicely. Comprehensible and very professionally written. The emotional reflections are insightful and impressive...A valuable lesson in life.
The descriptive words created wonderful impressions which flowed effortlessly throughout this excellent read.
Mitchell.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Mitchell. Many thanls for your reivew and nice comments for my poem. It was based on a true story of my son when he was 6 yrs old and he and his friend 'raided my purse $ 100 and thought they would pop down to the shop and buy lollies LOL . It took a bit of co-ercing but he finally confessed and a lesson learn't . I enjoyed retelling this exactly as it hapened Son now 33 and we sometime laugh about this Cheers
Comment from Hansel1
Although the message conveyed is a serious one, a fun, whimsical read. The relatability of the story makes for a well received piece.
I would consider taking a look at some of the diction used. The opening stanza talks of there being two boys with $50 each. It later talks about the shop owner questioning the boys together. In the later half of the piece however, it goes on to talk about one boy in the form of 'he'. A little confusing.
Likewise, the piece implies initially that the shop owner is calling one of boys' mothers to tell her about the theft. the story proceeds to shift from the shop owner telling the story to the mother finishing it without a real transition. This makes it a little confusing as well because you believe that the shop owner is the mom, which then brings up the question of why there is a phone call in the opening line.
An enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your work - Cheers!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Although the message conveyed is a serious one, a fun, whimsical read. The relatability of the story makes for a well received piece.
I would consider taking a look at some of the diction used. The opening stanza talks of there being two boys with $50 each. It later talks about the shop owner questioning the boys together. In the later half of the piece however, it goes on to talk about one boy in the form of 'he'. A little confusing.
Likewise, the piece implies initially that the shop owner is calling one of boys' mothers to tell her about the theft. the story proceeds to shift from the shop owner telling the story to the mother finishing it without a real transition. This makes it a little confusing as well because you believe that the shop owner is the mom, which then brings up the question of why there is a phone call in the opening line.
An enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your work - Cheers!
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Hansel1 Thanks for taking the time to read ,review and send me back your comments. I suppose you cannot access my Authors notes due to the contest rules. This was based on a true story of my son and his froend who were 6 yrs old. My son Took $100 in two fifties from my purse and then rode down to the local shop. The shop keeper rang to let me know they were there. So hence the phone call. I then drove down to the shop and went in ( parked outside and in I strode) I then asled my son where did he get the money he said he found it on the road !! Of course I knew he had taken it. So I put them both in the car and bikes And asked again he again lied and so I drove off and he asked where we were going and I told him we had to go to the Police station He then confessed ' I took the money from your purse. Hence after a telling off We went back home. My son learn't his lesson. That is why the dialogue of this poem is like it is. I hope that helps. Maybe read it again with this knowledge and you will see how It unfolds. Many Cheers
Comment from Linda Hughes
This is a darling poetic story, which I think is very common. The rhyme scheme is nice and steady. Perhaps the other little boy might have been the instigator. Good lesson for children to learn.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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This is a darling poetic story, which I think is very common. The rhyme scheme is nice and steady. Perhaps the other little boy might have been the instigator. Good lesson for children to learn.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Linda, Thanks for your review and I am pleased you enjoyed this story all true My son was 6 at the time He is now 33 and did lesrn a lesson we often laugh about this. Cheers
Comment from sharonlshelley
i very much liked your poem flowed really well and your story to go with it nicely done. good luck with the competition and thanks for sharing Sharon
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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i very much liked your poem flowed really well and your story to go with it nicely done. good luck with the competition and thanks for sharing Sharon
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Sharon .Thanks for your review I appreciate your timem comments and good luck message Cheers
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I had no idea where you were going with this story in a poem. I was surprised when it turned out that the money came from mom's purse!
Neat concept for this contest. I wish you luck in the voting!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Dear Mystery Writer,
I had no idea where you were going with this story in a poem. I was surprised when it turned out that the money came from mom's purse!
Neat concept for this contest. I wish you luck in the voting!
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Robyn, Thanks for your review , yes a true story My son and his friend were Only 6 and helped themselves to $100 from my purse and then road down the shop to buy lollies and the rest is as I have related. I tride not to laugh during this whole episode and after threatening to drive to the Police Station the truth was revealed. Lesson learnt. for my son who is now 33 and we often have a laugh about this Ps Unfortunately the other boy ended up a petty crim and has spent adult life in and out of jail perhaps I shpuld have taken them to the Police ? Cheers
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about right and wrong. Children have to be learned from an early age to be honest and should not lie. Even when it means you are in trouble rather tell the truth.
Typo:
Especially not too(to) your dear Mum
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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A very well-written poem about right and wrong. Children have to be learned from an early age to be honest and should not lie. Even when it means you are in trouble rather tell the truth.
Typo:
Especially not too(to) your dear Mum
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Hi Sandra, Thanks for your review and yes a lesson learnt for my son, and as you say if they tell the truth they wont get into trouble. My son learn't this lesson . the other boy however is a petty crim and in and out of jail very sad. My son does not see him at all. They parted friends after primary school. Have corrected the too So thanks although my computer said to use too but I felt it was to Cheers
