The Amazing Heist
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Pieces Fall in Place"A team of six plan their final heist.
16 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
The story is well-written, the dialogue seems natural, not forced and the characters seem believable. I did find once sentence that didn't read right
"Well guys it appears that the programs are not as secure as maybe the businesses are lead to believe Maybe write it Well guys, it appears that the programs are not as secure as the businesses are led to believe.
Overall it's a great story. Great work.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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The story is well-written, the dialogue seems natural, not forced and the characters seem believable. I did find once sentence that didn't read right
"Well guys it appears that the programs are not as secure as maybe the businesses are lead to believe Maybe write it Well guys, it appears that the programs are not as secure as the businesses are led to believe.
Overall it's a great story. Great work.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, I truly appreciate your comments. I agree and will add the comma- they tend to be my downfall :)
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They're my big problem too. I either put too many or not enough, darn PIA's, lol
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lol, I feel for you then.
Comment from Ricky1024
Well written.
Great theme as well as imagery...
Flowed well and easy to read with no grammar issues...
Adjective Content was superior while...
Objective Content was excellent.
I would like to read more in the future.
Thanks,
Ricky1024
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Well written.
Great theme as well as imagery...
Flowed well and easy to read with no grammar issues...
Adjective Content was superior while...
Objective Content was excellent.
I would like to read more in the future.
Thanks,
Ricky1024
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, I truly appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very good chapter. You're a talented writer. You write without spags. My writing is so full of errors that it's unreadable until my readers correct it.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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This is a very good chapter. You're a talented writer. You write without spags. My writing is so full of errors that it's unreadable until my readers correct it.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Thank you very much for reading and writing. I am sure you do very well so don't be so hard on yourself.
Comment from crich
Hello, this is my first time reading your work, so I may have questions that are painfully obvious if I had read prior posts, so I ask your forgiveness up front for that!
The story sounds very intriguing to me! I could follow along really well until we got to Freddie's paragraph. I don't know what his follow-ups are about - was he working with someone to find a van? Was he looking to purchase or steal a van or find a stolen van to use in the heist? "A fake driver's license and he was the proud owner." Did he pay cash?
Again, you may have Freddie's style of working already flushed out in other pieces and this would make sense otherwise! So much for my 2 cents!! Look forward to your next posts!
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Hello, this is my first time reading your work, so I may have questions that are painfully obvious if I had read prior posts, so I ask your forgiveness up front for that!
The story sounds very intriguing to me! I could follow along really well until we got to Freddie's paragraph. I don't know what his follow-ups are about - was he working with someone to find a van? Was he looking to purchase or steal a van or find a stolen van to use in the heist? "A fake driver's license and he was the proud owner." Did he pay cash?
Again, you may have Freddie's style of working already flushed out in other pieces and this would make sense otherwise! So much for my 2 cents!! Look forward to your next posts!
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, Freddie was assigned the project of obtaining a vehicle for the heist. He was working alone, he was somewhat an expert in this assignment. Again thanks.
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Thanks!
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most welcome
Comment from Janilou
An interesting chapter.
Notes:
"So, Henry, old man what do you have for us. Abby sounded so excited. Excite me!" Billy asked as he laughed.
This made me stumble, more for the fact that I had to go back and re-read when I saw Billy asked as he laughed, because the question came earlier with no question mark. I would suggest
"So, Henry, old man what do you have for us? Abby sounded so excited. Excite me!" Billy asked as he laughed.
All the best with your story.
Jan
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reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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An interesting chapter.
Notes:
"So, Henry, old man what do you have for us. Abby sounded so excited. Excite me!" Billy asked as he laughed.
This made me stumble, more for the fact that I had to go back and re-read when I saw Billy asked as he laughed, because the question came earlier with no question mark. I would suggest
"So, Henry, old man what do you have for us? Abby sounded so excited. Excite me!" Billy asked as he laughed.
All the best with your story.
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Thanks for reading and reviewing and for catching that error, I will fix that one.
Comment from His Grayness
Well certainly, this opens with strong grip of the reader and holds on tight! This is the most important element in good writing IMHO. IT IS A SIX STAR WORK AND IM SORRY TO BE DOWN TO ONLY FIVE TO GIVE BUT I WILL LOOK FORWARD TO MORE! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Well certainly, this opens with strong grip of the reader and holds on tight! This is the most important element in good writing IMHO. IT IS A SIX STAR WORK AND IM SORRY TO BE DOWN TO ONLY FIVE TO GIVE BUT I WILL LOOK FORWARD TO MORE! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2017
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Thank you ever so much for reading and reviewing, I truly appreciate your kind comments.
