Non-Fiction
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "The Fathering Feature"All non-fiction
15 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
An interesting sketch. I think you have a lot of wisdom in having your character say that he didn't need a father. He may have done better with a good one, but perhaps better none at all than a bad one.
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An interesting sketch. I think you have a lot of wisdom in having your character say that he didn't need a father. He may have done better with a good one, but perhaps better none at all than a bad one.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
Comment from Mark Valentine
A lot of folks on this site have written about the lasting effects of child abuse/neglect/trauma, but none as originally and powerfully as this. I can easily see this on a stage- with the scenes in between the narration fleshed out a bit - though I think you're right to focus on the narration - the interpretation of events is often more important than the evens themselves.
It only adds power, in my opinion, that the abuse/neglect the boy receives is somewhat understated - I'm not saying that it's not horrible, but if there were violent beatings or rapes, I think the boy's reaction (which is what makes the story), would have been different.
The writing is superb (one piston short of a muscle car - brilliant!), and the insight into child development seems right on also. The notion that early nurture can be a buffer against trauma, and that parental love felt, but not expressed, doesn't quite cut it for children, are both well-documented dynamics.
Love this piece! Certainly deserving of its SOM nomination.
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A lot of folks on this site have written about the lasting effects of child abuse/neglect/trauma, but none as originally and powerfully as this. I can easily see this on a stage- with the scenes in between the narration fleshed out a bit - though I think you're right to focus on the narration - the interpretation of events is often more important than the evens themselves.
It only adds power, in my opinion, that the abuse/neglect the boy receives is somewhat understated - I'm not saying that it's not horrible, but if there were violent beatings or rapes, I think the boy's reaction (which is what makes the story), would have been different.
The writing is superb (one piston short of a muscle car - brilliant!), and the insight into child development seems right on also. The notion that early nurture can be a buffer against trauma, and that parental love felt, but not expressed, doesn't quite cut it for children, are both well-documented dynamics.
Love this piece! Certainly deserving of its SOM nomination.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is excellent, mikey. Thanks for sharing this deeply personal story. Sounds like a very difficult childhood to have survived through. How wonderful you felt the power of the girl truly caring for you and that must be a part of why you are such a caring person today. It certainly shows in your writing and your comments. Glad you potlatched with us, my friend~Debbie
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This is excellent, mikey. Thanks for sharing this deeply personal story. Sounds like a very difficult childhood to have survived through. How wonderful you felt the power of the girl truly caring for you and that must be a part of why you are such a caring person today. It certainly shows in your writing and your comments. Glad you potlatched with us, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 24-Jun-2017
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I like the fact that you tell it like it is in this biographical script mikey. You use ordinary, everyday language to tell a sad tale of your mum that kept on, without much success, trying to find a father for you. As you show us, you had love from others and that made up for what you missed out on. A sad story, but a well written script, and easy to visualize on a stage.Well done,
cheers,
valda
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I like the fact that you tell it like it is in this biographical script mikey. You use ordinary, everyday language to tell a sad tale of your mum that kept on, without much success, trying to find a father for you. As you show us, you had love from others and that made up for what you missed out on. A sad story, but a well written script, and easy to visualize on a stage.Well done,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
Comment from Gloria ....
Hey Mav, I think you've done a fine job with this script vignette. An entire lifetime could be told using this form, and it would be fun to end up back on the same porch with the red wig. Although I expect it to be reality the red wig is an excellent theatrical touch, as it creates a vivid image immediately and the rest is a blurred imagination.
I like the idea of creating new clichés and have we done a contest like that on the site? I forget. Not that I pay that much attention to contests.
It's a beautiful story of love, even though the love is not your Father Knows Best type family. The dysfunctional is beyond normal family rivalry and into something more along the lines of the Ferris Wheel Zone.
The tone is superb and it's a very easy scene to be drawn into.
Super job! And now I know where the girls come from.
Ange
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Hey Mav, I think you've done a fine job with this script vignette. An entire lifetime could be told using this form, and it would be fun to end up back on the same porch with the red wig. Although I expect it to be reality the red wig is an excellent theatrical touch, as it creates a vivid image immediately and the rest is a blurred imagination.
I like the idea of creating new clichés and have we done a contest like that on the site? I forget. Not that I pay that much attention to contests.
It's a beautiful story of love, even though the love is not your Father Knows Best type family. The dysfunctional is beyond normal family rivalry and into something more along the lines of the Ferris Wheel Zone.
The tone is superb and it's a very easy scene to be drawn into.
Super job! And now I know where the girls come from.
Ange
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Wow a very differente kind of father, fathers but it takes all kinds of fathers, but it takes one special one to be a did. Very well done
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Wow a very differente kind of father, fathers but it takes all kinds of fathers, but it takes one special one to be a did. Very well done
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Michael,
What an awesome script. Your words have great imagery and it was easy to follow the story. My mother was mentally ill too but she was super sweet and affectionate. My father was not abusive per say but didn't know how to be a father. He was a very selfish man.
I get it. It's very well written, Michael, good job, honey.
luv ya,
Gypsy
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Hello, Michael,
What an awesome script. Your words have great imagery and it was easy to follow the story. My mother was mentally ill too but she was super sweet and affectionate. My father was not abusive per say but didn't know how to be a father. He was a very selfish man.
I get it. It's very well written, Michael, good job, honey.
luv ya,
Gypsy
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
Comment from nordicgirl
Maybe I just know you so this impacts me harder than it would a stranger. But I dont think so. Your style is so like you are talking directly to me alone, even though I can see an audience watching this. What a beautiful touching ending. That little girl is always with him. Tears. NG
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Maybe I just know you so this impacts me harder than it would a stranger. But I dont think so. Your style is so like you are talking directly to me alone, even though I can see an audience watching this. What a beautiful touching ending. That little girl is always with him. Tears. NG
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
Comment from country ranch writer
Happy Fathers Day to all fathers all over the world present and past. My son and Grandsons came to spend the day with my husband. Watched Tv and cooked out. Then the rain came tumbling in. The boys we our checking things out on their dads boat and got caught in the rain storm. They looked like drowdned rats when the came in. It was a good day.
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Happy Fathers Day to all fathers all over the world present and past. My son and Grandsons came to spend the day with my husband. Watched Tv and cooked out. Then the rain came tumbling in. The boys we our checking things out on their dads boat and got caught in the rain storm. They looked like drowdned rats when the came in. It was a good day.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
Comment from apky
Great scripting, Michael. I could see the stage as if I was there as part of the audience.
I love the way you put this (and think I might steal it someday!):
Mentally challenged didn't describe my mom a bit. She wasn't challenged at all, she was down for the count, defeated, obliterated, nutty as a loon.
Best,
Apky
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Great scripting, Michael. I could see the stage as if I was there as part of the audience.
I love the way you put this (and think I might steal it someday!):
Mentally challenged didn't describe my mom a bit. She wasn't challenged at all, she was down for the count, defeated, obliterated, nutty as a loon.
Best,
Apky
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
