The Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Letter - Part Three"...a family saga
41 total reviews
Comment from doggymad
Hi Patty
I enjoyed reading this chapter. I loved the idea of guessing what each member of the family was thinking about. In cases like this it is not usually about the person in the coffin.
Looking forward to the reception
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi Patty
I enjoyed reading this chapter. I loved the idea of guessing what each member of the family was thinking about. In cases like this it is not usually about the person in the coffin.
Looking forward to the reception
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi Freda; I think you will like Part Four.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
It sounds like everything is getting off to a good start, but something has to go wrong or else there would be no story to tell.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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It sounds like everything is getting off to a good start, but something has to go wrong or else there would be no story to tell.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi Thomas; thank you for reading. I think you will like Part Four.
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
After reading, I find that 'The Letter - Part 3' is good.
Well-written.
The format looks great.
The image shown supports the writing.
Thanks for sharing your letter.
I'll have to go back and read the other two parts.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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After reading, I find that 'The Letter - Part 3' is good.
Well-written.
The format looks great.
The image shown supports the writing.
Thanks for sharing your letter.
I'll have to go back and read the other two parts.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi Nicole; thank you for reading. I hope you do get a chance to read the entire series.
Comment from lyenochka
Good setting. Although I liked the glimpses into the sisters' minds, I found it a little confusing to change from the different thoughts. Perhaps putting those thoughts into italics or quotes might help clarify.
other observations:
"the familial cracks could be senses. " (didn't know what this meant.)
"She looked down at their own clothes" (This paragraph started with Sylvia. I know Kathy spent all the clothing allowance so this "She" must be Sylvia but the previous sentence talked about Kathy. Confusing to use just "She." )
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Good setting. Although I liked the glimpses into the sisters' minds, I found it a little confusing to change from the different thoughts. Perhaps putting those thoughts into italics or quotes might help clarify.
other observations:
"the familial cracks could be senses. " (didn't know what this meant.)
"She looked down at their own clothes" (This paragraph started with Sylvia. I know Kathy spent all the clothing allowance so this "She" must be Sylvia but the previous sentence talked about Kathy. Confusing to use just "She." )
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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thank you so much for continuing to read the saga. Part Four has lots of action and surprises. I will work on the areas where you thought the writing was unclear - thank you for pointing that out.
~patty~
Comment from pbomar1115
I certainly felt as if I was a part of the gathering. Everyone's makeup was seen through the writing. I enjoy your sound and solid writing style. Hopefully, I will pick up the way you combine your sentences as I continue to read your work.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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I certainly felt as if I was a part of the gathering. Everyone's makeup was seen through the writing. I enjoy your sound and solid writing style. Hopefully, I will pick up the way you combine your sentences as I continue to read your work.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Hi; thank you for continuing to read the saga - and THANK YOU for the compliment. I think you will find that the more you read all of the various styles here on FanStory, it will be easier to find your unique 'voice,' and improve your writing skills.
Part Four has lots of action and surprises and I think you will like it,
~patty~
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I know I have to clean up the distasteful and coarse language in my writing. It has changed, so I have a reasonable idea what readers prefer.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Patty,
It was hard following all the family politics and drama. It must be hard to keep the plot straight. You did a good job with it. Poor Kathy, I feel sorry for her but it seems like the worse is over... or is it?
Gypsy
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Hello, Patty,
It was hard following all the family politics and drama. It must be hard to keep the plot straight. You did a good job with it. Poor Kathy, I feel sorry for her but it seems like the worse is over... or is it?
Gypsy
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Hi Gypsy; thank you for continuing to read along with this saga. Part Four will have lots of action and surprises. I think you will like it - it will answer quite a few questions,
~patty~
Comment from Lindagail Hall
Awesome chapter wished you had carried on but I'll be patient to read the next endeavour with relish, question why did you use the word room, when they entered the church just wondering that's all. You leave us at what I feel will be one huge showdown. Daggers will be thrown tears cried. Loved it, well done on the context you really brought all the characters to life.
Can't wait....
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Awesome chapter wished you had carried on but I'll be patient to read the next endeavour with relish, question why did you use the word room, when they entered the church just wondering that's all. You leave us at what I feel will be one huge showdown. Daggers will be thrown tears cried. Loved it, well done on the context you really brought all the characters to life.
Can't wait....
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Hi there; thank you so much for continuing to read the saga. Part Four has lots of action and surprises, so it will be a great deal longer and I hope you will enjoy it,
~patty~
ps - I will work on the sentence with 'room' versus church.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Oh, I bet the action will be there all right. How sad when families members become estranged. Resentments build up and eat holes in friendships. Pride makes the wounds fester until
there is no returning to what was. Better they fight it out verbally than let this happen. Well done Patty. Nancy
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Oh, I bet the action will be there all right. How sad when families members become estranged. Resentments build up and eat holes in friendships. Pride makes the wounds fester until
there is no returning to what was. Better they fight it out verbally than let this happen. Well done Patty. Nancy
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi Nancy; thank you so much for continuing to read along. I appreciate your comments and encouraging words,
~patty~
Comment from smerryman3
You did a good job with this. I liked how you used the internal thoughts of the family members to move the story along. The watching eye of the deceased is also a great aspect. The only thing I wished was different is the length. I don't know why, but this part seemef shorter to me than the others. I was also wondering, are all the family members at odds with each other or does everyone just collectively hate Kathy?
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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You did a good job with this. I liked how you used the internal thoughts of the family members to move the story along. The watching eye of the deceased is also a great aspect. The only thing I wished was different is the length. I don't know why, but this part seemef shorter to me than the others. I was also wondering, are all the family members at odds with each other or does everyone just collectively hate Kathy?
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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thank you so much for continuing to read along. I appreciate your comments and encouraging words, (all answers will come in the last part - you will see.)
~patty~
Comment from kathleenspalding
Far out! A juicy family conflict! I will definitely follow, LOL. Very well written. Just a couple things for your consideration -
Last chapter, first paragraph - there are lots of verbs to contract for conversational dialog.
At the front of the room(delete comma?)
...sat with her husband, Bill(insert comma) and their children
She and Doug (had) helped financially...
...of her being (ached instead of was aching?)
That's it. Great job! Going to go back & read the previous chapters. :-)
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Far out! A juicy family conflict! I will definitely follow, LOL. Very well written. Just a couple things for your consideration -
Last chapter, first paragraph - there are lots of verbs to contract for conversational dialog.
At the front of the room(delete comma?)
...sat with her husband, Bill(insert comma) and their children
She and Doug (had) helped financially...
...of her being (ached instead of was aching?)
That's it. Great job! Going to go back & read the previous chapters. :-)
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi Kathleen; thank you so much for reading this piece. I am currently working on part Four in my mind - so any and all suggestions are being taken into consideration. I appreciate all of your help with this part, and I will work on the edit with your suggestions in mind,
~patty~
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You're welcome. I know all my suggestions are just piddly little stuff - I love the premise and developing plot of your piece.
