Saved by an Angel
In the darkest times...she gave light15 total reviews
Comment from Ann Philips
Those are very lovely thoughts and the image complements they well. I understand how there is something calm and soothing about a candle. I guess, in my case, it's really about the flame.
I like these lines: "What life you see!
This mortal's mess
They somehow seem so defining of how most of us view our lives.
I had trouble with the rhythm of some of the lines. For example:
"Held tight my hand steadfastly through.
I've clung hard to," This second line seems abrupt. The first line is much longer, lingering, then I feel like I'm jerked by the next line. The word "hard" reinforces that sensation. I also am curious about the choice of the word "through" in the first line. I'm not able to see how it contributes. I think the line might flow better without it. To simple serve as a rhyme "through" and "to" are words that both contribute little to the rest of the thought. I know its a struggle to find words that both actively contribute and also serve the rhyme.
I wish you success in the contest.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Those are very lovely thoughts and the image complements they well. I understand how there is something calm and soothing about a candle. I guess, in my case, it's really about the flame.
I like these lines: "What life you see!
This mortal's mess
They somehow seem so defining of how most of us view our lives.
I had trouble with the rhythm of some of the lines. For example:
"Held tight my hand steadfastly through.
I've clung hard to," This second line seems abrupt. The first line is much longer, lingering, then I feel like I'm jerked by the next line. The word "hard" reinforces that sensation. I also am curious about the choice of the word "through" in the first line. I'm not able to see how it contributes. I think the line might flow better without it. To simple serve as a rhyme "through" and "to" are words that both contribute little to the rest of the thought. I know its a struggle to find words that both actively contribute and also serve the rhyme.
I wish you success in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Thank you for your time and thoughtful review.
I have used the word 'through' as indicative of the passage through the grieving process.
The second line leads into the 3rd and 4th so reads thus ' I've clung hard to your calming glow...don't ever go'
I spent a lot of time sitting in the dark, with just a lit candle for company after I was first widowed. Those words stem from that time.
As it's a 'minute' contest the stanza must have a 8-4-4 rhyming sequence so that is why it is set out that way.
I really appreciate your comments, and thank you for the 4 stars : )
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I appreciate your clarification of the reasons and thoughts that went into the construction of the poem. I certainly understand the reasons for your use of the word "through" better. And the defined line structure certainly limits and helps define the work and its expression. I love the image and association of the "candle" with the grieving process. It is a very powerful association. Thanks again for taking time to clarify your purpose and intent.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
During the darkest times is when people usually grasp the light. I often wonder why that is... Is it hope, or desperation?
A finely written piece.
GMG
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Hi there,
During the darkest times is when people usually grasp the light. I often wonder why that is... Is it hope, or desperation?
A finely written piece.
GMG
Comment Written 07-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2017
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Many thanks for your encouraging review : )
Comment from sharonlshelley
Nice work well written and interesting to read I am quite new to this site so I am writing and reading as I am going enjoying peoples work I find all varieties of poetry interesting
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Nice work well written and interesting to read I am quite new to this site so I am writing and reading as I am going enjoying peoples work I find all varieties of poetry interesting
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you for taking the time to review my poem and a warm welcome to you.
I look forward to reading your work : )
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written minute poem. If it was not for our guardian angel we would be a mess forever. My Angel is often in despair and wonder how she can possibly get me out of the thing I'm tangled in.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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A very well-written minute poem. If it was not for our guardian angel we would be a mess forever. My Angel is often in despair and wonder how she can possibly get me out of the thing I'm tangled in.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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I thank you for your time and for your review.
My guardian angel thanks you for understanding their plight : )
Comment from honeytree
The art work is really
great for these words
Yes I have lit a candle
and felt the same.
I really loved the opening
words written here.
"Oh sweet angel sat beside me,
What life you see!
This mortal's mess
Grief, pain and stress. "
Honey tree
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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The art work is really
great for these words
Yes I have lit a candle
and felt the same.
I really loved the opening
words written here.
"Oh sweet angel sat beside me,
What life you see!
This mortal's mess
Grief, pain and stress. "
Honey tree
Comment Written 06-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much for your generous review : )
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very good poem It will make a fine contest enter. I recently won a contest. It's a great feeling to know that your writing is liked. I hope you have the same success.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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This is a very good poem It will make a fine contest enter. I recently won a contest. It's a great feeling to know that your writing is liked. I hope you have the same success.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2017
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Thank you for your review and best wishes. I haven't won for a while but had a 2nd place last week. Fingers crossed : )
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, I feel you're grieving. It's a long process and we all deal with it differently. I'm glad you have your faith to hold on to. A very poignant poem. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2017
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Hi there, I feel you're grieving. It's a long process and we all deal with it differently. I'm glad you have your faith to hold on to. A very poignant poem. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2017
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Thank you for your kind words and review.
It was 11 years ago and yes, I still grieve, but these days there is acceptance too and smiles at the memories : )
Comment from Ricky1024
"Don't ever let go....
"Envelope me...
Redevelop me...
"Wrap me gently this day...
"And take me away...
As Mormon Priest with "The Aaronic Priesthood traced lathe way back to Christ with...
"The Laying of Hands...
My poetry...
My business's...
"And my religion...
Makes me according to The Christian Network...
The only Poet...
Poet, Prophet ...
And Mormon Priest Walking this Earth...
I have many platforms from Suicide Prevention, Addictions t o....
"The Gift of Life"
If you follow along, you will notice these gifts from creating miracles to saving lives but...
You may wonder why out at the billions me?
My deepest to you widow and honor the father, son, and husband as you raise your children. I too have four tensing daughters and four grands but after two recent surgeries in weeks....
I'm worn but still here....
Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2017
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"Don't ever let go....
"Envelope me...
Redevelop me...
"Wrap me gently this day...
"And take me away...
As Mormon Priest with "The Aaronic Priesthood traced lathe way back to Christ with...
"The Laying of Hands...
My poetry...
My business's...
"And my religion...
Makes me according to The Christian Network...
The only Poet...
Poet, Prophet ...
And Mormon Priest Walking this Earth...
I have many platforms from Suicide Prevention, Addictions t o....
"The Gift of Life"
If you follow along, you will notice these gifts from creating miracles to saving lives but...
You may wonder why out at the billions me?
My deepest to you widow and honor the father, son, and husband as you raise your children. I too have four tensing daughters and four grands but after two recent surgeries in weeks....
I'm worn but still here....
Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2017
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Thank you for such an interesting review, for your best wishes and for the wonderful gift of 6 stars.
I am truly thankful to you : )
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By the way...
Grieving Hearts...
My latest on page two.
Beautiful...
I'll pump to pave one position one and get The All Time Best.
It's from the book of...
2014...
I have completed and partially completed close to 600.
Crazy but I write so much..
Hundreds of thousands and competed
Been on HBO
With The International Society of Poets.
2005 in DX. And 2005 in Vegas at the Riviera.
(Now Demolished. )
Six me up if you can and I owe you K.
I owe you...
Miss K.
Ricky1024
-
By the way...
Grieving Hearts...
My latest on page two.
Beautiful...
I'll pump to pave one position one and get The All Time Best.
It's from the book of...
2014...
I have completed and partially completed close to 600.
Crazy but I write so much..
Hundreds of thousands and competed
Been on HBO
With The International Society of Poets.
2005 in DX. And 2005 in Vegas at the Riviera.
(Now Demolished. )
Six me up if you can and I owe you K.
I owe you...
Miss K.
Ricky1024
Comment from Irish Rain
I believe you've felt the presence of God, Higher Being, Source Energy, that dwells within each of us. We have access at all times....but we have to quiet our minds and spirits. This is beautiful. But...I believe in angels too...so....absolutely could be an angel! Blessings....
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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I believe you've felt the presence of God, Higher Being, Source Energy, that dwells within each of us. We have access at all times....but we have to quiet our minds and spirits. This is beautiful. But...I believe in angels too...so....absolutely could be an angel! Blessings....
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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I too believe in the spiritual awareness we all possess. I appreciate your time and review, thank you : )
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Grieving is a hard and long process and meditation and calm serenity can help to get us through, I wish you well and good luck with the contest, best regards, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Grieving is a hard and long process and meditation and calm serenity can help to get us through, I wish you well and good luck with the contest, best regards, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Thank you Dolly for such a kind review : )
