The Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Old Lady"...a family saga
44 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
that seems like a clever idea for a book.
you had me. l pictured her with her whole family and then you turned it around. well done.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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that seems like a clever idea for a book.
you had me. l pictured her with her whole family and then you turned it around. well done.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Heidi; thank you so much for reading and the encouragement. I think she will make a great matriarch and center character.
~patty~
Comment from Cindy Warren
I think she is a very realistic and believable character. I've met more than one just like her. They feel justified in gossiping and manipulating people and then they act like they can't figure out what the problem is. You'd have to give her at least one redeeming quality to make her interesting.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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I think she is a very realistic and believable character. I've met more than one just like her. They feel justified in gossiping and manipulating people and then they act like they can't figure out what the problem is. You'd have to give her at least one redeeming quality to make her interesting.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Cindy; thank you so much for your thoughtful review. I will rewrite the character and chapter a bit. You are right, she does need at least one redeeming quality,
~patty~
Comment from BeasPeas
I think this is a very well written piece. Well described with good flow. As our kids get out on their own, they develop busy lives themselves with jobs and kids. It doesn't necessarily mean that the oldster drove them away, but it may be that. Most kids make it a point to include their parents, grandparents in their lives, considering them a gift. On the other hand I suppose there are instances where they would not be. In any case, your writing is clear and interesting. Marilyn
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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I think this is a very well written piece. Well described with good flow. As our kids get out on their own, they develop busy lives themselves with jobs and kids. It doesn't necessarily mean that the oldster drove them away, but it may be that. Most kids make it a point to include their parents, grandparents in their lives, considering them a gift. On the other hand I suppose there are instances where they would not be. In any case, your writing is clear and interesting. Marilyn
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Marilyn; thank you for reading this character study and hopefully first chapter of my next project. I think she will be a great central character and matriarch for the family saga,
~patty~
Comment from Ulla
Hi Patty, this is a good intro into the life of an eighty-five year old. Well written, and it certainly shows how she's pushed everybody away. Unconsciously or consciously. I suppose that is to be revealed in the story. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Patty, this is a good intro into the life of an eighty-five year old. Well written, and it certainly shows how she's pushed everybody away. Unconsciously or consciously. I suppose that is to be revealed in the story. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Ulla; thank you for the thoughtful review. I think the Old Lady will make a good character for the family saga, and her personality will give great insight into the machinations going on,
~patty~
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I really enjoyed this Patty, it actually reminds me of a characther I wrote some time ago and never developed but you have done much better! A great and soulful story love it kind regards Meia x
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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I really enjoyed this Patty, it actually reminds me of a characther I wrote some time ago and never developed but you have done much better! A great and soulful story love it kind regards Meia x
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Meia; thank you so much for the lovely review. I am looking forward to getting this project going. I have ideas for the other central characters, but they are all coming in spurts,
~patty~
Comment from F. Wehr3
I thought this was a good glimpse into her character. The thing I had trouble with was the amount of characters presented, and lacking their names, I felt lost about who was who, you know? Overall, I enjoyed what you presented, and it worked well for a short story.
Grabbing her cane, and hobbling towards the first table,--Suggest no comma after cane because the implied she performs two actions.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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I thought this was a good glimpse into her character. The thing I had trouble with was the amount of characters presented, and lacking their names, I felt lost about who was who, you know? Overall, I enjoyed what you presented, and it worked well for a short story.
Grabbing her cane, and hobbling towards the first table,--Suggest no comma after cane because the implied she performs two actions.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2017
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Hi Russell; thank you so much for your thoughtful review. I need to give all of the characters names - especially 'The Old Lady,' and there will need to be a better way to introduce the 'gang.'
I corrected the nit you mentioned. I appreciate you pointing that out,
~patty~
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This shows a manipulating nature old lady who all her life manipulated all her relations around her at her heart's content and now truly she is lonely, everyone surpasses, she is isolated, lonely and retired, moral follows as you sow so will you reap; I liked.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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This shows a manipulating nature old lady who all her life manipulated all her relations around her at her heart's content and now truly she is lonely, everyone surpasses, she is isolated, lonely and retired, moral follows as you sow so will you reap; I liked.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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thank you
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Patty,
A very well written piece here. A fine study on reaping what you sow told through the eyes of the matriarch.
The liver spotted hands stirring milk into her tea stared back at her. - this felt a little out of sequence for me as she'd already started drinking it at the very beginning. Also, hands don't stare back - I know this probably seems minor but it is a bit odd.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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Hi Patty,
A very well written piece here. A fine study on reaping what you sow told through the eyes of the matriarch.
The liver spotted hands stirring milk into her tea stared back at her. - this felt a little out of sequence for me as she'd already started drinking it at the very beginning. Also, hands don't stare back - I know this probably seems minor but it is a bit odd.
All the best
G
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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Hi G; thank you for the review. I appreciate your remarks and I will see what I can do about the tea and hands. Your input is valued, as always,
~patty~
Comment from Caressa_08
Oh, I liked this story very much, of how you, the author, reveals to us the thinking points for a woman this age, and what in the heck happened, that everyone has shied away from her, though her love for her own children and grandchildren continues...And can relate to her story somewhat, as the bond between a son or daughter's spouse can sometimes be so powerful, that their influence can break a relationship between a parent, being the spouse had her doubts about her mother-in-law from the beginning and wanted the son or daughter for themselves, without a prying mother-in-law, she thinks...and well, she or he has their own family, and that is enough...I have experienced quite a bit of this with one of my daughter-in-laws...my son and she seem narcissistic, or one sided, and might see their children no more than 4 or less times a year, if I or my husband, his dad, drive the two hour round trip to & from....The hardest part is having not a strong relationship with these grandchildren, and too the worst part of it, seeing my son change so much over a 16 yr marriage. Also, when parents get old and sickly, there are some adult children who rather not see their pain...and too, are influenced by their spouse or live in mate...as to what seems appropriate,being a parent is no longer there to give them advice... they're in another relationship that and they think that bond is sufficient and now, too, being a parent, that is plenty...they don't need the extra burden of checking in, or even calling an old parent, as they have their own set of problems to contend with...I think it's called estrangement, though am lucky that hubby and I get to see our son's children now & then, ( my two other adult children aren't exactly like their brother, though his twin is a disabled Afghan vet with PTSD and TBI, etc ... so he has changed quite a bit too, though has a loving wife which is quite a help...also, he and his sister also blessed me with grandchildren who I am close to) and know so many grandparents who never see theirs or their adult children, as they aren't allowed that privilege.
God Bless & Thanks for sharing your talents with this piece to be continued...Caressa_08
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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Oh, I liked this story very much, of how you, the author, reveals to us the thinking points for a woman this age, and what in the heck happened, that everyone has shied away from her, though her love for her own children and grandchildren continues...And can relate to her story somewhat, as the bond between a son or daughter's spouse can sometimes be so powerful, that their influence can break a relationship between a parent, being the spouse had her doubts about her mother-in-law from the beginning and wanted the son or daughter for themselves, without a prying mother-in-law, she thinks...and well, she or he has their own family, and that is enough...I have experienced quite a bit of this with one of my daughter-in-laws...my son and she seem narcissistic, or one sided, and might see their children no more than 4 or less times a year, if I or my husband, his dad, drive the two hour round trip to & from....The hardest part is having not a strong relationship with these grandchildren, and too the worst part of it, seeing my son change so much over a 16 yr marriage. Also, when parents get old and sickly, there are some adult children who rather not see their pain...and too, are influenced by their spouse or live in mate...as to what seems appropriate,being a parent is no longer there to give them advice... they're in another relationship that and they think that bond is sufficient and now, too, being a parent, that is plenty...they don't need the extra burden of checking in, or even calling an old parent, as they have their own set of problems to contend with...I think it's called estrangement, though am lucky that hubby and I get to see our son's children now & then, ( my two other adult children aren't exactly like their brother, though his twin is a disabled Afghan vet with PTSD and TBI, etc ... so he has changed quite a bit too, though has a loving wife which is quite a help...also, he and his sister also blessed me with grandchildren who I am close to) and know so many grandparents who never see theirs or their adult children, as they aren't allowed that privilege.
God Bless & Thanks for sharing your talents with this piece to be continued...Caressa_08
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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Hi Caressa; thank you so much for your review and additional story ideas. This matriarch will be the central character of a story line that will include the children and grandchildren. I appreciate your words of encouragement,
~patty~
Comment from emptypage
Wow. She's got some definite blind spots. She knows some of the things she does-rating the housekeeping, figures post-childbirth--but doesn't think them invasive or hurtful? She's pretty clueless.
I felt sorry for her, though.
You did the manipulation well. Reminding them of how few birthdays she might have left.
Ought to be an interesting character, but how can she grow? How can she change if no one comes around to let her?
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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Wow. She's got some definite blind spots. She knows some of the things she does-rating the housekeeping, figures post-childbirth--but doesn't think them invasive or hurtful? She's pretty clueless.
I felt sorry for her, though.
You did the manipulation well. Reminding them of how few birthdays she might have left.
Ought to be an interesting character, but how can she grow? How can she change if no one comes around to let her?
Comment Written 02-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2017
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Hi Marla; I see this chapter as the introduction to all that 'was.' The story will be told 'in the past;' all of the things she is thinking about will happen, and we will have her reflections as bookends to the novel. So, she won't grow - she will die.
It should be a fun write - no, not really-it will hit close to home in so many places - but I see it as a Danielle Steele novel with 'bite.'
~patty~
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Ahhh... well, I think it'll be a great book.
