Comment from June Sargent

Excellent

Congratulations! Great story with a funny twist. Could have happened to any one of us. Well done! Definitely deserved to win in this contest, Ogden!

 Comment Written 29-May-2017

---

reply by the author on 30-May-2017

Thanks for the compliments, June. You say it could happen to us. If, by some chance, it does just happen to happen, do you see yourself as the Old Lady or The Accused? ;)
Don

reply by June Sargent on 30-May-2017

The accused....I usually have good intentions, but suffer somewhat in the execution!

Comment from smerryman3

Excellent

Well done! You do a good job creating a well rounded scene in such a short space. I like that you inserted wlthe testimony of the cop and the verdict of the judge with only a few sentences.

 Comment Written 24-May-2017

---

reply by the author on 31-May-2017

Thanks for the excellent review, Smerryman.
Good luck on FS.
Ogden

Comment from J. Salvatore

Excellent

Good idea and overall nice implementation. However, I don't think you want to say the case is dismissed when there is apparently a guilty verdict as indicated by the fine. Dismissal of a case is done without a verdict. Also, it is not clear that the man is innocent as required by the prompt since the woman's testimony is that the accused demanded and then grabbed the bag. Finally, a verdict of disturbing the peace doesn't make sense, in my mind. It's a theft or it's nothing. Disturbing the peace is a very different kind of "crime".

 Comment Written 24-May-2017

---

reply by the author on 24-May-2017

Salvatore, I appreciate your compliment about my idea and execution, but you are mistaken about the prompt, which calls for an intended good deed being unappreciated. the rest of the content is window dressing for entertainment purposes. The judge, in this case, was incompetent, and poor Sean Spicer got a raw deal.

You know your law, Salvatore, but not the ways of FanStory. You may not be aware that your 4-star rating is unduly harsh. It usually is used to denote sub-par work. If you choose to revise the rating, it can be edited by re--accessing the post.

Thank you.

reply by J. Salvatore on 25-May-2017

I don'[t understand your defensiveness. Four stars simply means that adjustments are needed. Given the woman's tesimony, the judge does not seem like he made a bad decision. The only other testimony we hear is from the accused which is suspect as such testimony tends to be self-serving. I don't see these things as window-dressing but as things which make the reader decide whether or not it was indeed a good deed that went unappreciated. Five stars says no revisions needed. Am I to give five stars when I am trying to give you some constructive suggestions about how your story could be improved? I hope that I do not misunderstand the ways of fanstory. Please don't feel that I am being harsh. You have a good idea and a nice execution - it just has a few bumps. My reading of the site's explanation of four stars indicates anything but sub-par work.

reply by the author on 25-May-2017

Salvatore, I'm taking this time to try to be of help to a newcomer. You certainly do not understand the ways of FanStory. You will find that most FanStorians don't adhere to the FS guidelines for reviewing, although, theoretically, they do make sense. Five stars has come to mean "good," or good enough to avoid a four rating, which today means sub-par. Most of us, therefore, use the "fours" sparingly. Some, primarily to help beginners improve their skills - and in that way, the guidelines work well. For beginners, I sometimes point out their errors, make my suggestions, and award five stars, to avoid discouraging them - and I tell them so. In fact, I, and others I'm aware of, seldom review work that we believe to be undeserving of five stars.

Many FanStorians have posted angry or funny pieces decrying newbies disparaging use of the rating system. Newbies are a widespread pet peeve on FS.

Let back to our disagreement, and I really don't want to continue it further than this. I'm hopeful you will be receptive of what I've been passing along.

You don't seem to grasp that this is a fictional story, and should not be judged the same way as if it was journalism. I invented the characters (including an incompetent judge) and the way they view the incident. (The "helper's" account, intentionally, is more believable.) They each have their say, and I leave it to the reader to decide if justice was served, based on the views of the characters. It's all in fun, and I expect the readers to play along. (You thought I was being defensive, in trying to explain it all, when, actually, you have have been defensive in defense of your offense against a writer's right to create an imperfect judge without you being offended by what you consider to be his offenses. See? ;)

In all seriousness, one guideline made by FS that I suggest you can benefit from, is to avoid being defensive when when replying to reviews.

One final piece of friendly advice, and take it for what it's worth, Salvatore. LIghten up, learn the ropes, and enjoy!

reply by J. Salvatore on 25-May-2017

Thank you. I appreciate your taking the time to write all that. As a newbie, you're correct, I had no idea of the history or the way things have come to be done. Thank you!

reply by the author on 25-May-2017

And thank you for saying so.

reply by the author on 26-May-2017

I just noticed your rating revision, and thank you for that, too. Good luck!

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

this was a good turn gone horribly wrong! Poor guy! He ended up with torn pants AND a hefty fine. This is a very good contest entry and I wish you luck,
~patty~

 Comment Written 24-May-2017

---

reply by the author on 31-May-2017

Thanks, Patty. You really got it, and that's very rewarding.
Don