Miscellaneous Poems Vol 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Spinning the wheels"More poems
15 total reviews
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
I once wrote a song called "Getting Nowhere, Fast" for a musical -never produced - that took place in a gym. The singers were all on stationary bicycles and complaining about their lives, jobs, relationships etc. as life passed them by. Seems there is a bit of that in your Brass Ring poem with the carousel photo. The ride should be the enjoyment, otherwise it is a waste of the ticket price - since so few end up with the prize. I really enjoyed your entry and wish you luck in the contest. - Wendy
reply by the author on 19-May-2017
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I once wrote a song called "Getting Nowhere, Fast" for a musical -never produced - that took place in a gym. The singers were all on stationary bicycles and complaining about their lives, jobs, relationships etc. as life passed them by. Seems there is a bit of that in your Brass Ring poem with the carousel photo. The ride should be the enjoyment, otherwise it is a waste of the ticket price - since so few end up with the prize. I really enjoyed your entry and wish you luck in the contest. - Wendy
Comment Written 19-May-2017
reply by the author on 19-May-2017
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Thanks very much for the thoughtful and kind review, Wendy - and for the good wishes too. The song sounds like it would have been good, what a shame it didn't see daylight in one form or another. Cheers, Craig
Comment from alf collier
So good to hear from you, my friend!!! I have sorely missed your words.... Love the analogy of carousel and water gurgling down the plug LOL.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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So good to hear from you, my friend!!! I have sorely missed your words.... Love the analogy of carousel and water gurgling down the plug LOL.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thanks so much, Alf. I've been a bit busy with other distractions lately. Not that I normally post every day, or even every week - that was a thing for the NaPoWriMo month :)
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Oh really??? I have missed all those news snippets, I have to say!! Oh well, that will just make what comes as more special, my friend!! Have a great day, week, until we read again!!
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Although I haven't been posting much, I'm still reviewing as much as I can (though can't keep up with everything that comes in). I'm pretty sure I've reviewed a few of yours since - because I do like your work!
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Life's not a contest for us to win
Sure it is. why enter if not to win? It's not whether you win or lose. It's how much you win by.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Life's not a contest for us to win
Sure it is. why enter if not to win? It's not whether you win or lose. It's how much you win by.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Mr Trump - is that you?
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Craig,
Do you feel like the course you've spent so much time and energy on is spinning your wheels? Your nonet is written in the correct syllables per line and I appreciated the rhyme that you added, too, especially since it isn't a requirement for the style.
Good luck in the contest! :)
Kim
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Hi Craig,
Do you feel like the course you've spent so much time and energy on is spinning your wheels? Your nonet is written in the correct syllables per line and I appreciated the rhyme that you added, too, especially since it isn't a requirement for the style.
Good luck in the contest! :)
Kim
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Yes, but for different reasons.
Thanks for reading & reviewing, Kim :)
Craig
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hi Craig. I agree, life is not meant to be a contest. We spend a lifetime accumulating 'stuff', that in the end doesn't mean a thing. What is important in life is the love we give and receive, and that we appreciate it. I like the image you create of the water whirling and gurgling down the hole. Yes, we often spin our wheels and don't seem to get anywhere. Your syllable count for each line is spot on. Best wishes for the contest, Craig. ~ ~ Connie
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Hi Craig. I agree, life is not meant to be a contest. We spend a lifetime accumulating 'stuff', that in the end doesn't mean a thing. What is important in life is the love we give and receive, and that we appreciate it. I like the image you create of the water whirling and gurgling down the hole. Yes, we often spin our wheels and don't seem to get anywhere. Your syllable count for each line is spot on. Best wishes for the contest, Craig. ~ ~ Connie
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thanks very much for the kind words and good wishes, Connie. I really appreciate the thoughtful review - Craig.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hey, Craig...
I got to read this nonet today, great theme for the format, I appreciate the topic in relation to it being a contest entry, as you compare life as not. (Though wouldn't that be something to find out in the end, life is just one big blind contest. : / )
Life's not a contest for us to win;(--)?
(Strong hook intro, immediately sets the theme and tone of the poem) (I'm looking at the flow of the first three lines, and for your consideration, am sharing my thoughts about the punctuation. Semicolon... not incorrect, but ... well, my weird thoughts:
acquiring things at rapid pace.
Value prize, but not the race.
(here's where I paused because of the punctuation instructions. Because this line is disconnected from the original two thoughts to stand alone, it almost reads as if a statement instructing people to value the prize... but not the race. Where I think you might mean this as a continuation of the sentiments before... Not as a matter of don't do things for the race, do it for the prize. Part of me suspects that it is intended to mean... that people tend to value the prize over the race, when the struggles and lessons, and joy of the competition is all part of the package... including the prize, some material show of success. Success isn't always about getting the prize, but what you get from the race, too.
(I guess what I'm saying in a round about way... well... once upon a time, I watched a clever competition called 'who wants to be a superhero' in which the contestants were given the challenge to run a race (and the winners with the best time in the race would progress to the next level of the competition). Near the end of the race, the competition creator's placed a crying child... (what superhero passes by a crying child to win a race?) Thus the true test wasn't how fast you could be to win, but if you had the gumption and sense of inner priorities, to naturally forsake the race over something much more important. Needless to say the results were pretty entertaining... And eye opening for those who put the race and winning to advance above the entire point of everything else, the desire to be a superhero.)
So I was on the line... does the mean... Value the prizes in life, but don't fixate on the race? Or does it mean ... the race is integral, and we forget it's importance over collecting some prize.
If it's a continuation... I'd consider tacking it to the previous sentements a little closer with the punctuation...
Example:
Life's not a contest for us to win--
acquiring things at rapid pace;
value prize, but not the race.
The rest of the poem gives the sense of time running out in the chaos of the chase, until time is gone.
Fun to read, and lots of food for thought for me.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Hey, Craig...
I got to read this nonet today, great theme for the format, I appreciate the topic in relation to it being a contest entry, as you compare life as not. (Though wouldn't that be something to find out in the end, life is just one big blind contest. : / )
Life's not a contest for us to win;(--)?
(Strong hook intro, immediately sets the theme and tone of the poem) (I'm looking at the flow of the first three lines, and for your consideration, am sharing my thoughts about the punctuation. Semicolon... not incorrect, but ... well, my weird thoughts:
acquiring things at rapid pace.
Value prize, but not the race.
(here's where I paused because of the punctuation instructions. Because this line is disconnected from the original two thoughts to stand alone, it almost reads as if a statement instructing people to value the prize... but not the race. Where I think you might mean this as a continuation of the sentiments before... Not as a matter of don't do things for the race, do it for the prize. Part of me suspects that it is intended to mean... that people tend to value the prize over the race, when the struggles and lessons, and joy of the competition is all part of the package... including the prize, some material show of success. Success isn't always about getting the prize, but what you get from the race, too.
(I guess what I'm saying in a round about way... well... once upon a time, I watched a clever competition called 'who wants to be a superhero' in which the contestants were given the challenge to run a race (and the winners with the best time in the race would progress to the next level of the competition). Near the end of the race, the competition creator's placed a crying child... (what superhero passes by a crying child to win a race?) Thus the true test wasn't how fast you could be to win, but if you had the gumption and sense of inner priorities, to naturally forsake the race over something much more important. Needless to say the results were pretty entertaining... And eye opening for those who put the race and winning to advance above the entire point of everything else, the desire to be a superhero.)
So I was on the line... does the mean... Value the prizes in life, but don't fixate on the race? Or does it mean ... the race is integral, and we forget it's importance over collecting some prize.
If it's a continuation... I'd consider tacking it to the previous sentements a little closer with the punctuation...
Example:
Life's not a contest for us to win--
acquiring things at rapid pace;
value prize, but not the race.
The rest of the poem gives the sense of time running out in the chaos of the chase, until time is gone.
Fun to read, and lots of food for thought for me.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Well, as usual, you've got my meaning spot on, Turtle. Even to the extent that I knew I was having difficulty with that third line, and quite possibly it came across as the reverse of what I intended. I just didn't know what to do about it. It's funny, I looked to different words to solve the puzzle (and couldn't find any). You looked to punctuation, and solved it. I think maybe I'm getting a tiny bit better with that, but way too slowly. Anyway, thanks for a brilliant review. If any has deserved a review contest vote, it's this one - but I have a feeling I've already given you one this month, and so it won't let me again. Anyway, at least you have my heartfelt appreciation :)
If I can ask, do you think "whirling, swirling" at the end might be better than "whirling, gurgling"?
Many thanks,
Craig
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I think that whirling, swirling has a feel of consistent spin with less ... hitch to the motion,... a gurgle adds discordance in both image, and the sound of the word itself, so I like the whirling swirling, because it sticks to the theme of fast track without any slowdown.
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Thanks again! :)
Comment from tfawcus
The combination of ever-decreasing lines and onomatopoeic words makes the last few lines of this most memorable!
"Water whirling,
gurgling down
plug hole --
gone."
I like the general idea behind this one, too - that there are more ways of winning than merely crossing the line first. It is the way we conduct ourselves throughout the contest or throughout our lives that really counts.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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The combination of ever-decreasing lines and onomatopoeic words makes the last few lines of this most memorable!
"Water whirling,
gurgling down
plug hole --
gone."
I like the general idea behind this one, too - that there are more ways of winning than merely crossing the line first. It is the way we conduct ourselves throughout the contest or throughout our lives that really counts.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thanks, Tony. Your kind review is much appreciated. Craig
Comment from Pearl Edwards
I love this carousel photo, gorgeous, reminds me of the one down at Glenelg in S.A. Nicely written Nonet Craig. Some people are so busy acquiring things they forget to enjoy life. Good luck in the contest,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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I love this carousel photo, gorgeous, reminds me of the one down at Glenelg in S.A. Nicely written Nonet Craig. Some people are so busy acquiring things they forget to enjoy life. Good luck in the contest,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thanks very much, Valda. It is pretty, isn't t? Your good wishes are appreciated. Craig
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Nonet. The fact that we participate make us already winners. Every contest can only have one winner. If the ones after the winner screams of unfairness they are losers
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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A very well-written Nonet. The fact that we participate make us already winners. Every contest can only have one winner. If the ones after the winner screams of unfairness they are losers
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thanks very much for the kind review, Sandra. Much appreciated - Craig.
Comment from Dean Kuch
In the end, it's not the things we've acquired over the course of a lifetime that truly matter.
Not the beach house in Malibu.
Not the Z-R1 Corvette, or the Lamborghini.
Not the amount of wealth in our bank accounts.
None of those things can we take with us.
No, the stuff that truly matters are memories of the first time your first-born child cried, or of those whom you have loved...and lost, and good times spent with family and friends.
Those are the things we'll remember before the darkness closes in and whisks us away.
Wonderfully done, Craig.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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In the end, it's not the things we've acquired over the course of a lifetime that truly matter.
Not the beach house in Malibu.
Not the Z-R1 Corvette, or the Lamborghini.
Not the amount of wealth in our bank accounts.
None of those things can we take with us.
No, the stuff that truly matters are memories of the first time your first-born child cried, or of those whom you have loved...and lost, and good times spent with family and friends.
Those are the things we'll remember before the darkness closes in and whisks us away.
Wonderfully done, Craig.
Comment Written 18-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Absolutely, Dean. Thanks very much for the kind and thoughtful review. Craig
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My pleasure. :)