The Means to an End
698 words8 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
So man's best friend becomes his doom in the end. Will anyone except the dogs survive. You did a great job with the story, building up the suspense, then relief, then the twist at the end. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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So man's best friend becomes his doom in the end. Will anyone except the dogs survive. You did a great job with the story, building up the suspense, then relief, then the twist at the end. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thanks so much for the great review.
Comment from jusylee72
Very good and emotionally sad story from the beginning when he was simply a selfish self serving man to the end when he was in love with the two animals who ended up taking his life. Very dramatic.
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Very good and emotionally sad story from the beginning when he was simply a selfish self serving man to the end when he was in love with the two animals who ended up taking his life. Very dramatic.
Comment Written 17-May-2017
reply by the author on 18-May-2017
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Thanks so much, I really appreciate you taking the time to review with your busy writing schedule.
Comment from Dawn Munro
What a great story! I enjoyed it very much.
Suggestions:
no comma after "stragglers"
"whose" should be the abbreviation of 'who is' = who's
"One small boy (who) somehow..." 'That' is not for people.
no comma after "forlornly"
"A month now..." - these statements are actually his thoughts, so I would put them in italics to differentiate from narrative or dialogue.
"...around week six(;) - no punctuation before brackets, only after them
"...the little girl (sprang) up..." - also, I think that you might consider calling it a little female pup - 'the little girl', here, is a bit confusing, since you didn't specify when you introduced the character that it wasn't a baby or a kid...? Especially since you also talk about the "little faces she made".
no comma after "way" out of the...
Awwww! Fabulous ending! Great twist I did NOT see coming!
reply by the author on 17-May-2017
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What a great story! I enjoyed it very much.
Suggestions:
no comma after "stragglers"
"whose" should be the abbreviation of 'who is' = who's
"One small boy (who) somehow..." 'That' is not for people.
no comma after "forlornly"
"A month now..." - these statements are actually his thoughts, so I would put them in italics to differentiate from narrative or dialogue.
"...around week six(;) - no punctuation before brackets, only after them
"...the little girl (sprang) up..." - also, I think that you might consider calling it a little female pup - 'the little girl', here, is a bit confusing, since you didn't specify when you introduced the character that it wasn't a baby or a kid...? Especially since you also talk about the "little faces she made".
no comma after "way" out of the...
Awwww! Fabulous ending! Great twist I did NOT see coming!
Comment Written 17-May-2017
reply by the author on 17-May-2017
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Thanks much for the read and the great suggestions. I seem to have made a # of mistakes on this one.
Comment from Sylvia Page
Well, he thought he was the last man on earth and he finds a little girl and two dogs. The dogs seem to have infected him. Can he treat himself, what would happen to the little girl, will she become infected as well. Well written. Best wishes in the contest.
Sylvia
reply by the author on 17-May-2017
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Well, he thought he was the last man on earth and he finds a little girl and two dogs. The dogs seem to have infected him. Can he treat himself, what would happen to the little girl, will she become infected as well. Well written. Best wishes in the contest.
Sylvia
Comment Written 16-May-2017
reply by the author on 17-May-2017
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Sorry about the little girl thing. I was talking about the dog-need to change that-a suggestion I just received.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I'm not sure this story made complete sense to me. What were the people running from? If the problem was the dogs seems like they would have just gotten rid of all the dogs...? It was a well written story with a twist ending and it should do well in the contest, but it left me with more questions. Sorry! But good luck!
reply by the author on 17-May-2017
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Dear Mystery Writer,
I'm not sure this story made complete sense to me. What were the people running from? If the problem was the dogs seems like they would have just gotten rid of all the dogs...? It was a well written story with a twist ending and it should do well in the contest, but it left me with more questions. Sorry! But good luck!
Comment Written 16-May-2017
reply by the author on 17-May-2017
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It was a disease that was infecting people and carried by dogs. The others went to "safehouses". With few words unanswered questions but I should have made it clearer. Thanks so much for reading.
Comment from loismddavis
Oh dear he didn't factor in the possibility of getting sick. Too bad it was because he showed a little kindness. You have filled the requirements of the prompt with a very interesting story. It certainly reflects on some current fears-mine would be radiation. However good writing and interesting story
reply by the author on 16-May-2017
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Oh dear he didn't factor in the possibility of getting sick. Too bad it was because he showed a little kindness. You have filled the requirements of the prompt with a very interesting story. It certainly reflects on some current fears-mine would be radiation. However good writing and interesting story
Comment Written 16-May-2017
reply by the author on 16-May-2017
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Thanks much for reading and the thoughtful comments!
Comment from Mustang Patty
this is a sad tale. To think that man's best friend would be the thing that brought the disease to him. If he had stayed alone, he would have survived - alone. At least he found some happiness while he could.
The story is compelling, but your sentences need more structure and your use of punctuation is inaccurate.
i.e.; 'On the way, out of the store he saw the notice. 'Turn in all dogs. Although the disease can't make them sick, they are carriers.' should be: On the way out of the store, he saw the notice. 'Turn in all dogs. Although the disease can't make them sick; they are carriers.'
~patty~
reply by the author on 16-May-2017
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this is a sad tale. To think that man's best friend would be the thing that brought the disease to him. If he had stayed alone, he would have survived - alone. At least he found some happiness while he could.
The story is compelling, but your sentences need more structure and your use of punctuation is inaccurate.
i.e.; 'On the way, out of the store he saw the notice. 'Turn in all dogs. Although the disease can't make them sick, they are carriers.' should be: On the way out of the store, he saw the notice. 'Turn in all dogs. Although the disease can't make them sick; they are carriers.'
~patty~
Comment Written 16-May-2017
reply by the author on 16-May-2017
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I am saddened that this one mistake has cost me a star if it is a good story.. Thanks for the correction. Some of the sentences are a bit choppy because of trying to keep within word count so getting rid of unneccesary words so I get you on that.
Comment from RodG
Although Eddie appears to be a no-account looter when we first meet him, we grow to like him, especially after he adopts the abandoned pets. Your ending IS a surprise, but you subtly prepared us for it when you told us Eddie never watched TV or listened to the radio, hence being ignorant of any warnings. Before the voting starts, proofread carefully as there are some errors in spelling and punctuation. Otherwise, a fine entry.
reply by the author on 16-May-2017
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Although Eddie appears to be a no-account looter when we first meet him, we grow to like him, especially after he adopts the abandoned pets. Your ending IS a surprise, but you subtly prepared us for it when you told us Eddie never watched TV or listened to the radio, hence being ignorant of any warnings. Before the voting starts, proofread carefully as there are some errors in spelling and punctuation. Otherwise, a fine entry.
Comment Written 16-May-2017
reply by the author on 16-May-2017
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Any specifics on the spelling? I did the spell check but I appreciate your telling me because I certainly want to correct them. Much appreciated. JoAnn
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"Well, [WHO'S] crazy now?"
