Selections For Book Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "Only the Universe"possible selections for inclusion in book project
4 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
The presentation of this is rather good, with the deep, rich blue on silken black.
The combination of alliteration of 'c's in this first section together with the way you have used your vowel sounds, gives a particularly dreamy effect:
"cradled / in the soft curve / of the crescent moon"
I imagine that after all the egotistical build-up, poor old Thor would have been a bit put out to find Venus asleep! He has lavished his best sound and light effects on her in this section: "as the universe is torn / and a chorus of beings / sings a song / each note delivered / on a beam of light / assigned it's (its) own colour/ they swirl in serpentine / around you"! How good to have a choir of angels at one's disposal when one's voice is a little rough! I was entertained by his face-saving finale, where there's just one other small punctuation error to fix: "your (you're) dreaming of me / aren't you?"
Unrequited love is always a good subject for competitions such as this. I hope you have better success in it that the poor old god of thunder!
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The presentation of this is rather good, with the deep, rich blue on silken black.
The combination of alliteration of 'c's in this first section together with the way you have used your vowel sounds, gives a particularly dreamy effect:
"cradled / in the soft curve / of the crescent moon"
I imagine that after all the egotistical build-up, poor old Thor would have been a bit put out to find Venus asleep! He has lavished his best sound and light effects on her in this section: "as the universe is torn / and a chorus of beings / sings a song / each note delivered / on a beam of light / assigned it's (its) own colour/ they swirl in serpentine / around you"! How good to have a choir of angels at one's disposal when one's voice is a little rough! I was entertained by his face-saving finale, where there's just one other small punctuation error to fix: "your (you're) dreaming of me / aren't you?"
Unrequited love is always a good subject for competitions such as this. I hope you have better success in it that the poor old god of thunder!
Comment Written 10-May-2017
Comment from pbomar1115
There is a lot of fanfare for the arrival of a conceited man who reaches the desired destination only to find his selected tired or maybe bored with him and the hoopla.
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There is a lot of fanfare for the arrival of a conceited man who reaches the desired destination only to find his selected tired or maybe bored with him and the hoopla.
Comment Written 10-May-2017
Comment from Jan Anderegg
I really enjoyed this poem. The artwork and layout is amazing. It's beautiful. I didn't find any errors or nits. Your opening lines pulled me right in and I was swept up in the analogy.
Well done.
Jan
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I really enjoyed this poem. The artwork and layout is amazing. It's beautiful. I didn't find any errors or nits. Your opening lines pulled me right in and I was swept up in the analogy.
Well done.
Jan
Comment Written 10-May-2017
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
Very good write.
The poem is profound.
Outstanding artwork: All images shown support the topic. The background and font color go well together.
Thanks for sharing your Love Poem.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
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Very good write.
The poem is profound.
Outstanding artwork: All images shown support the topic. The background and font color go well together.
Thanks for sharing your Love Poem.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 10-May-2017