aberdeen kentucky
a flash fiction.5 total reviews
Comment from MNOEL
Yikes!
Like the protagonist in this story...I didn't see it coming.
Loved the pace and how efficiently the story was relayed.
Well done, thanks for sharing!
MN
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2017
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Yikes!
Like the protagonist in this story...I didn't see it coming.
Loved the pace and how efficiently the story was relayed.
Well done, thanks for sharing!
MN
Comment Written 04-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2017
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Thanks for the review, MN just one foolish decision.........cheers, j
Comment from frogbook
That last line was a clincher. A true lesson in decisions and their effect. The remembering was painful. Best of luck in the voting.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2017
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That last line was a clincher. A true lesson in decisions and their effect. The remembering was painful. Best of luck in the voting.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2017
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Thanks for the review.Just one bad deciosion....cheers, j
Comment from damommy
You've written a very good story with a message for party goers.
I think this is a very good entry in the contest. Good luck.
-road side = roadside is one word.
-his trip to Europe[] was not lost on him. (no comma)
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2017
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You've written a very good story with a message for party goers.
I think this is a very good entry in the contest. Good luck.
-road side = roadside is one word.
-his trip to Europe[] was not lost on him. (no comma)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging and helpful review. I made the changes. I hate when a good person makes one foolish mistake that affects their life forever. Cheers, have a nice weekend, judester
Comment from HarryT
You convey the depression of your protagonist well. The description of the jail is well done showing good imagery. The event and the character seems real. Good job.
A couple of suggestions:
"...systematically fell apart." I question the word systemically in conjunction with fell apart since systematically to me means according to a fixed plan.
"He held his head in his hands as his freedom and his life, up to now was lost." I suggest deleting this sentence.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2017
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You convey the depression of your protagonist well. The description of the jail is well done showing good imagery. The event and the character seems real. Good job.
A couple of suggestions:
"...systematically fell apart." I question the word systemically in conjunction with fell apart since systematically to me means according to a fixed plan.
"He held his head in his hands as his freedom and his life, up to now was lost." I suggest deleting this sentence.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2017
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Thanks for the encouraging review and helpful advice, funny because those were the two lines that I wasn't 100% about. I have revised and agree, much better. Cheers, j
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Cheers back. Keep writing.
Comment from loismddavis
you have fulfilled the prompt in an excellent vignette that is familiar to many I am sure. Though not as many end up in prison. You have included to very much in this short piece--excellent writing
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2017
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you have fulfilled the prompt in an excellent vignette that is familiar to many I am sure. Though not as many end up in prison. You have included to very much in this short piece--excellent writing
Comment Written 31-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2017
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Thanks for the review, I find it sad when good people make foolish decisions and their life is changed forever. Okay, now I am off to review one of yours, cheers, j
