Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Hot stuff"Words to pass on to my children
34 total reviews
Comment from MelB
Very nice aabb rhyme and flow. Great descriptions of the time and music. Donna was quite an icon and legend in her time.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Very nice aabb rhyme and flow. Great descriptions of the time and music. Donna was quite an icon and legend in her time.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Thanks for the excellent review. Mary
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You're welcome.
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your poem "Hot Stuff". Those times were quite a long time ago, and you reminded me of what it was like back then. Your rhyming was good except lines three and four in verse two where you added an 's', which changes the rhyming. You may like to review this.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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I enjoyed reading your poem "Hot Stuff". Those times were quite a long time ago, and you reminded me of what it was like back then. Your rhyming was good except lines three and four in verse two where you added an 's', which changes the rhyming. You may like to review this.
Best of luck.
Marybell1.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Thanks for your review and also your comments. Mary
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You are most welcome.
Marybell1.
Comment from Thal1959
Very nicely done, about those God-awful 70s! I always get a kick out of seeing the 70s TV shows and looking at their terrible clothes. I presume you are referring to Donna Summer. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Very nicely done, about those God-awful 70s! I always get a kick out of seeing the 70s TV shows and looking at their terrible clothes. I presume you are referring to Donna Summer. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Thanks for the excellent review and also your great comments. Mary
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You are welcome, Mary - it was my pleasure.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very good story in a poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with the art work. I remember those times too! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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This is a very good story in a poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with the art work. I remember those times too! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Thanks for your review and great comments. Mary
Comment from Irish Rain
Great memories, I distinctly remember 'the bump', ha ha. Knocked my glasses off. I loved, and still do....'Saturday Night Fever.' We were all 'Stayin Alive', ha ha. Love your entry, blessings...
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Great memories, I distinctly remember 'the bump', ha ha. Knocked my glasses off. I loved, and still do....'Saturday Night Fever.' We were all 'Stayin Alive', ha ha. Love your entry, blessings...
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Thanks for your great review, much appreciated. Mary
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem brings back memories of the horrible fashions of this time. But I was a big Donna Summer fan. She had Hot Stuff, Bad Girls, and MacArthur Park, etc.
Nice artwork that reflects the artist and the times.
Good luck.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by dragonpoet on 15-Mar-2017
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This poem brings back memories of the horrible fashions of this time. But I was a big Donna Summer fan. She had Hot Stuff, Bad Girls, and MacArthur Park, etc.
Nice artwork that reflects the artist and the times.
Good luck.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by dragonpoet on 15-Mar-2017
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
This brings back memories, I loved Donna Summer and the disco scene and you have told a wonderful story....such a lovely flow throughout with some great lines.
Have a great evening
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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This brings back memories, I loved Donna Summer and the disco scene and you have told a wonderful story....such a lovely flow throughout with some great lines.
Have a great evening
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2017
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Thanks for the great review I am so pleased you enjoyed it. Mary
Comment from RGstar
Lovely Mary, loved this. All the details , the flare, the expectations, the imagery.
Years lost to now for they were the best years, even though hard, but happy.
I am in this competition, but choice of two...worthy entry.
Best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Lovely Mary, loved this. All the details , the flare, the expectations, the imagery.
Years lost to now for they were the best years, even though hard, but happy.
I am in this competition, but choice of two...worthy entry.
Best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Hi RG, I am glad that you really love my poem about the Disco era and Donna Summer. I enjoyed writing it, as I see it as a fun piece. I look forward to your entry which I have no doubt it will be exceptional. Thanks, Mary
Comment from Pantygynt
This does the story thing very succinctly. The first stanza shows the idol the poet and pals wanted to emulate. The second and third stanzas capture the frenetic atmosphere of the disco where it all happened, including the parental disaproval, while the last stanza shows how "we" went about the emulation of the star of the first stanza, and most importantly the reason for so doing. This is a clever little sixteen liner in quatrains made up of rhyming couplets.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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This does the story thing very succinctly. The first stanza shows the idol the poet and pals wanted to emulate. The second and third stanzas capture the frenetic atmosphere of the disco where it all happened, including the parental disaproval, while the last stanza shows how "we" went about the emulation of the star of the first stanza, and most importantly the reason for so doing. This is a clever little sixteen liner in quatrains made up of rhyming couplets.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Hi, Thank you for your most encouraging review, I am pleased you see it as a clever poem, Mary
Comment from Sis Cat
This is a great tribute poem to Donna Summer and to disco. I was a big fan of her music and bought many of her albums, although I was too young and too scared at the time to go to the disco to dance to them. Nevertheless, she was the soundtrack of my youth from the late seventies to the early eighties. She does not get all of the credit she deserves because disco has been discredited, but if you listen to dance music today they copy her vocal styling and techno beat and call it new.
Your poem expresses the excitement of both Donna and disco:
"Relentless pulsating of the music's sounds
Who cared that we all looked like clowns
The louder the music the better the moves
Not that our elders would ever approve"
The only suggested change is that "jet set" is lowercase. Also, in every other contest, this poem might be fine, but in the Share a Story in a Poem contest, I found that as much as I love Donna Summer and disco, your poem did not tell a story with a beginning, middle, end, characters, and conflict. I perform stories onstage before hundreds and I perform and watch hundreds of poets tell stories in the form of poems. What you have here is a collection of great memories and anecdotes, but they do not form a story. People just dance, dance, and dance, but that is not a story.
On the other hand, this poem would be perfect for the Dancing Poetry Contest held every year in San Francisco. The winners have their poems choreographed, orchestrated, and danced to by a group of women. I have entered the contest twice in the past three years and have not placed. I do not have a poem that moves and grooves like yours. I can imagine those costumed women dancing on stage to your poem in front of thousands. Your poem would be perfect for that contest. Here is the information. The deadline is April 15. I wish you success in that contest. You have a great poem:
http://dancingpoetry.com/
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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This is a great tribute poem to Donna Summer and to disco. I was a big fan of her music and bought many of her albums, although I was too young and too scared at the time to go to the disco to dance to them. Nevertheless, she was the soundtrack of my youth from the late seventies to the early eighties. She does not get all of the credit she deserves because disco has been discredited, but if you listen to dance music today they copy her vocal styling and techno beat and call it new.
Your poem expresses the excitement of both Donna and disco:
"Relentless pulsating of the music's sounds
Who cared that we all looked like clowns
The louder the music the better the moves
Not that our elders would ever approve"
The only suggested change is that "jet set" is lowercase. Also, in every other contest, this poem might be fine, but in the Share a Story in a Poem contest, I found that as much as I love Donna Summer and disco, your poem did not tell a story with a beginning, middle, end, characters, and conflict. I perform stories onstage before hundreds and I perform and watch hundreds of poets tell stories in the form of poems. What you have here is a collection of great memories and anecdotes, but they do not form a story. People just dance, dance, and dance, but that is not a story.
On the other hand, this poem would be perfect for the Dancing Poetry Contest held every year in San Francisco. The winners have their poems choreographed, orchestrated, and danced to by a group of women. I have entered the contest twice in the past three years and have not placed. I do not have a poem that moves and grooves like yours. I can imagine those costumed women dancing on stage to your poem in front of thousands. Your poem would be perfect for that contest. Here is the information. The deadline is April 15. I wish you success in that contest. You have a great poem:
http://dancingpoetry.com/
Comment Written 14-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
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Hi Sis cat, I appreciate you lengthy review and comments on my poem, I will think about the contest you suggest. Thanks for letting me know about it. Mary
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You're welcome! You wrote a great dancing poem!
